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We are beginning the process of adoption. Since we are new, we have begun looking for more creative ways for birth parents to know what kind of family we are. We have a letter, but also decided to do a FAQ page that might help the birth mother or parents know a little bit more about us. I was wondering how these answers sound honestly. How would you as birth parents feel about these answers?
What kind of adoption would you like?
Prospective Mom - Open adoption. It helps everyone involved feel more confident and comfortable about the situations and the roles they play.
Prospective Dad- Open adoption the benefits out weight the disadvantages.
How would you feel if the birthmother decided to keep her baby or another family is chosen?
Prospective Mom - It would make me very sad. However, we will not fully fall in love and start planning until the child is ours so we do not acquire false hope that would make being rejected any harder.
Prospective Dad - I would be disappointed. If we are meant to have the child, we will. If that is not God֒s plan for us, we will keep moving forward and trust in his judgment.
What do you think of women who give up their children?
Prospective Mom They might feel like bad women for giving up their children, but they are not. I know if I were ever in their situation, I would never be able to what they have done. They are brave to love their child enough to do what is best, not what they would prefer. I pass no judgments, for it is not my place to criticize or condemn.
Prospective Dad - I think they are doing what is best for their child.
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I'm an aparent but one thing you might consider is your statement of "I could never do what they have done." It's kind of seen as an insult when one says that even if it's not meant to be. If someone said to you "I could never adopt a child. You are brave to do that"....would that bother you? Just something to think about.:)
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As a first Mom, I would want more information regarding your first answer about what kind of adoption. "Open adoption" is a VERY open ended response with many different definitions. What does one look like to you? If my idea is visits every months with emails every other Thursday and I assume that's what you mean, when to YOU "open adoption" is emailed updates w. pics every 6 months for 3 years then once a year til 18 - that's VERY different, kwim?
I do agree with crick re: the "never could have done that" statement as well.
I can see the concerns pointed out. Trying to be as honest and clear as possible as we can, how does this sound now?
What kind of adoption would you like?
Prospective Mom - Open adoption – it helps everyone involved feel more confident and comfortable about the situations and the roles they play. We would want our children to know who their biological parents are and information we could tell them rather than guessing. We would also be all right if you wanted to send a letter pertaining to the reasons you gave them up and where they might find you at eighteen.
Prospective Dad - Open adoption, because the benefits out weight the disadvantages. However, we would only want to keep contact through non-identifying e-mails and letters until the child is eighteen years old. At eighteen, if our child wants we would like a reunion and to meet you.
What do you think of women who give up their children?
Prospective Mom - They are brave to love their child enough to do what is best, not what they would prefer. I pass no judgments, for it is not my place to criticize or condemn.
Prospective Dad - I think they are doing what is best for their child.
Prospective Mom - Open adoption – it helps everyone involved feel more confident and comfortable about the situations and the roles they play. We would want our children to know who their biological parents are and information we could tell them rather than guessing. We would also be all right if you wanted to send a letter pertaining to the reasons you gave them up and where they might find you at eighteen.
Hmm, i see what you mean about it being almost closed and semi. I guess, it is not as open as we thought when we started to put down our comforts and limitations. We will take that into consideration about the FAQ page. We just wanted to make it to help the birth parents know who we are before they decide to choose us.
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Thanks for all your help, the advice on correcting things we might say, because it might be offensive. As well as the insight, that it sounds like every other agency or person wanting to adopt. After much thought we still think it would be a good idea to answer some of the things the birth mom might want to know that can help her decide before choosing us that we feel would not be overly personal information. We choose these questions to answer found in the list that birth moms might consider asking adopted families:
Why do you want to adopt?
Will you tell the child that he or she is adopted? How and when?
What will you tell the child about the birth mom or parents?
What type of contact would like to have with the birthmother?
What are your religious beliefs?
What form of disciple will you use?
What are your beliefs about education?
We agree the rest of the information like age, if we have children or not, are we able to get pregnant can be answered over time if we are qualified openly and honestly when asked. Thanks for the help.
The sentence:
[FONT="Arial Black"]We would also be all right if you wanted to send a letter pertaining to the reasons you gave them up and where they might find you at eighteen[/FONT]
Could also be offensive "gave them up" is kind of negative sounding labeling the choice of a Birthparent that "chose to place" their child. I am not a birthparent but an amom so correct me if I am wrong.
Rainbow mom
The sentence:
[FONT="Arial Black"]We would also be all right if you wanted to send a letter pertaining to the reasons you gave them up and where they might find you at eighteen[/FONT]
Could also be offensive "gave them up" is kind of negative sounding labeling the choice of a Birthparent that "chose to place" their child. I am not a birthparent but an amom so correct me if I am wrong.
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JMO, but it all sounds so "formal" and like anyone looking to adopt might be counseled to say. It doesn't say a lot about who you are as people. I do understand and respect your desire to be upfront about what you are hoping for/expecting from an adoption.
I just absolutely refused to write a "Dear Birthmother" letter. We connected with our kids first mom online and my first email to her started like this:
Hi, we are XXX and ZZZ. We are not rich or beautiful or perfect, but we love children and are longing to be parents.
Our kids first mom read the 2nd sentence and stopped looking at other families. She liked that we were "real" (her words), She also said that she had read so many profiles and letters that they all started to sound the same.
I'm sorry, and I mean no disrespect at all, but your FAQ's just seems so impersonal and almost coached to me.
