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We need help! After a failed adoption recently, my DH and I are ready to start the process again. This time through an agency that assisted in the meeting with our previous Birth Mother. We really like our case manager (not sure if that is the correct term) and have a lot of faith in her. She told us we needed to write birth mother letters and create the profile and pic pages but that we needed to make sure we were as culturally diverse as possible and address race. This is because we are interested in an AA or Bi-racial child. But how do I do this?I keep trying to write this but it either sounds like I am a poser or apologizing for all the wrongs ever done to AA throughout time. I was raised to celebrate people's differences, because our differences are what makes us special. I dated every color God has made and was astonished when I married a CC man. My best girl friend for the past 16 years is black. I love Africa and it is my dream to one day visit Kenya. My friends laff at me because I love the African culture more than most AA. But most important I am going to be a fantastic mom, what ever color my child is and I will celebrate their mind and their skin color. But I need help! How much of my letter should address it if any? If my case manager hadn't mentioned it I never would have thought about it. I respect people for who they are not what color God made us. Some of my friends who are AA have told me how demeaning it would be for me to even bring up the race. Others say because I will be different, I definitely need to address this. :confused: How did those who have had successful adoptions of children with different skin tones write your letter? Did you address it? How did you address it? I am so confused and worried I will say the wrong thing. Thank you again for all of your help.:thanks:Have a great day!Kristin :flower:
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Here's my 2 cents (my adoptions were fost/adopt) and I'm black. However, if I was a birthmom, in the process of finding a family, I would look for:
Do you have friends of color? What's your neighborhood like? What was your childhood like? What's is your current relationship with you and your family members. what's your life like now?
I wouldn't apologize. You're trying to adopt a black child.
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How about saying all this in pictures, and not so much with words? If you have pics of you, yoru family, and your friends of many races and ethnicities, that would speak much louder (and less awkwardly) than words. If you plan to write about race specifically, I would talk about the fact that you have a diverse group of friends, rather than discuss specifically about the "black" aspects of your life. Maybe discuss some of the ethnic events you've attended.
Best of luck.
sbaglio
How about saying all this in pictures, and not so much with words? If you have pics of you, yoru family, and your friends of many races and ethnicities, that would speak much louder (and less awkwardly) than words. If you plan to write about race specifically, I would talk about the fact that you have a diverse group of friends, rather than discuss specifically about the "black" aspects of your life. Maybe discuss some of the ethnic events you've attended.
Best of luck.
Thank you so much for the suggestions and encouragement. :cheer: I knew you all would be able to help me. I guess I am very sensitive to the subject which is good but sometimes it gets me too riled up and I can't focus on the most important part. Being a great mom to a child. Why didn't I think about the pics??? DUHHH! That is a Fantastic Idea! :banana: I must admit I am not the best at documenting our life through film but I will see what I can find.Many, many, gracious thanks to you all! :thanks:Kristin
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You know, my parents had to do this in 1988 too!
So stupid IMO. I swear people make a bigger deal out of race than it is! I am bi-racial (African-American and Caucasian) and had some friends who were African-American and adopted by white parents and they were FINE but I am sure they had to anwser silly questions too.
My parents had to make sure my brother and I had the "black expirience" (in the words of attorneys) LOL. My parent's friend (who happened to be black) chuckled when they told him this. He replied "Yeah, where do you get that, can you buy it at the store?!"
We are both white but were open to any race also. In my letter I mentioned that we had family and friends from many races and cultures. I also made a scrapbook of all of our family and friends so the birthparent could see for themselves what kind of family their baby would be joining. When we were finally picked do you know which picture stood out to the birthmom? It was a picture of DH and myself getting our picture taken with Kermit the Frog at Walt Disney World that spoke to her. She liked the fact that we had traveled extensively and always did "fun, touristy stuff" when we traveled. I wish you the best of luck in writing your letter and picking the pictures to go along with it!
Pictues. pictures, pictures! I agree with that completely. In adoption profiles, the text seems to be somewhat repetitive ("we are close-knot family", "we cannot wait for our child to join us to our trips to Disneyland" etc etc.). However, the pictures speak more than a thousand words and they are uniquely you.
Do not be apologetic in the text, that might come across low self esteem or worse, despair. I would also not mention Africa. African Americans come form many geographical regions and are ethnically mixed so just to associate them with "Africa" does not seem a good tactical move to me. My very close friend is South African and her culture very different from the American culture.
In my profile, I included a picture of our most recent trip to Arkansas with our friends (East Indians, Africans, Asians and Caucasians) in the profile. My daughter's birthmother just LOVED that picture - we looked like an assembly of the United Nations. She said that it looks as if we have a lot of fun together (true :D !).
I also mentioned in the text that I speak several languages, have seen foreign countries and love to travel overseas. My daughter's birthmother was excited about the idea that her baby will speak a foreign language and will travel to other continents.
Just be yourself, emphasize your interest in other cultures and by all means, take some cool pictures with your friend!!!
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I agree that pictures speak louder than words. We are a fully Caucasian couple adopting either full AA or BR. Our caseworker suggested that we emphasize the diversity of our neighborhood in our profile book and include pictures of our AA friends. I think if the birthmom has more questions she will ask them once she decides you could be a possible match. Be prepared for questions like "how will you foster a positive racial identity for my child" and "what is your involvement in your local African American community". There are some great books out there that I have read. PM if you want titles. Good luck!
Tell them some of your best friends are NlGGERS.Tell them you love watching Animal Planet.Tell them you listen to (c)rap.Tell them you are a self loathing white and drop to your knees for monkey dong every chance you get.Tell them you wish the government would take 100 percent of your salary to pay for welfare so more niglets can be cranked out.