Bad Snacks at Visits.

Thanks for the advice. And for letting me know that I'm not being overly critical and nit-picky. I will be talking to the cw and hopefully we can get it changed. So far, the mom hasn't done anything she was asked to do, but I truly hope this time she'll listen. If just talking to the cw and the mom doesn't work, I'll get the doctor involved.No snacks at all would be better than the trash she's filling them with.

Hmm while it is extreme, from the mothers point of view giving her children sweets helps kep a good relationship as sweets makes the children happy. Wrong way to do it of course but bare it in mind. Have you tried maybe suggesting to the mum to cut down on the sweets? If she is asking you to do these things then explain that the sweets are having a negative impact on the work you are doing and you would like a trail period of less sweets to see if it improves. If you could discuss it with her and let her have an input then she may well listen because she will think that it has been her idea? I would let the caseworker know, or have the children bring all sweets home unopened and use them for good behaviour, this way you are able to monitor what they are eating and how much of it.

iFairy, I can see how the mom might think that, but this whole process has been a series of taking the easy way out. She used to bring healthier snacks, but since has gotten rather lazy and now after picking up the kids, they stop at a convenience store and she buys whatever the kids see and want. She no longer brings a well-thought out, planned snack.She doesn't like how the kids behave but apparently it's easier to complain about it, rather than do something to help. And yes, we've all talked to her about sweets being part of the behavior problem and that we need to cut way back on them. Since then, she's actually INCREASED the sweet treats!That's where my frustration lies.

It is possible that she is trying to make you give up? So that people will think that she is the only one to look after them. Obviously this would not happen, but by doing this she may well be trying to discredit you and your work. Could you speak with the caseworker and maybe suggest she buys them sweets once per week as 3 times is a bit much if they are unhealthy.

I agree with the other posters, to let the cw know about your concerns. But thought I'd just mention some other dietary ideas you could incorporate to help with the ADHD symptoms. In the "crunchy" forums I frequent, there's a widely help opinion on the connection between Red Dye #40 and ADHD (and Yellow #6 I believe). It reallys seems to ramp up the hyperactive behaviors. Also, consider adding in some Omega 3s. There's another strong link between Omega 3s counteracting the ADHD type behaviors. Lots of fish, flax seed oil, or even the gummy Omega 3 vitamins for kids (my grocery story carries them). So, sorry to intrude on what really was a different question - I just wanted to toss those ideas out to you. One of mine seems to be headed towards ADHD and these are just some of the dietary changes we've made permanent in our lives. He seems calmer now, although I am completely willing to admit that it could be maturity, not diet, that's calming him down. And here's a thought - telling bio-Mom that they can't have Red #40 (I'm SURE you can get a doctor's note for that) may automatically eliminate alot of the junk food she's giving them. It might be worth a try!!!!

She's definitely working against you. You're limiting the sweets while she's over indulging... :hissy:

Very possible. I see that happening. I can't understand though, why she'd risk the documentation, because all this is going to be shown to the judge as one more strike against her. She's shooting herself in the foot! It will backfire eventually since this is only one of many things she does/doesn't do.

She actually told the cw that she didn't believe in giving pop to little kids and that she doesn't give candy and lots of sweets to them.As if I don't see the leftovers when I pick up the kids!:arrow: The supervising cw also documents every snack at every visit. I was speechless when she actually attempted to deny it.

hmmmm.... Maybe make visit day a free for all day. Have them already "amped up" on sweets and junk BEFORE visit:evilgrin: . I know, I'm bad. ;) But maybe, she'd see the difference you usually have to deal with. Only if you find your cw not caring or helping perhaps. Which is what I've had to deal with. No one cared. So I made sure the Fchild had already eaten plenty before, so that the throwing up happened AT visit, not in my car or home as it always happened after every visit. Guess what....the over feeding stopped.

My kids' bio mom actually knew all about fs's doctor-ordered diet, watched us check his blood sugar, and minutes later gave him a gallon bag of cotton candy plus another bag of candy. She always gives the kids loads of candy when she sees them, and drinks are always koolaid or sunny delite. She knows he takes insulin. She just wants to give them candy and make them happy in that way. I have to be the bad guy and take it away, and slowly portion it out. It just goes hand in hand with all of her other choices, and is just another illustration why she is not parenting. Document, report, and try to help the child understand. Kids can't resist candy too well, but filling them up prior to visits, including a little something sweet, will probably go a long way towards slowing down the candy fest during visits.

Inappropriate foods and snacks have been a fp's nightmare for as long as I can remember. It seems that the bio's would rather have the easy way to a quick smile and thank you than the documentation that they are trying to do right by the child. If anyone could find a real way to deal with the snack issue - I'd love to try it!Even with infants - I've had issues w/bio's not following any sort of direction or even insistances. One bio insisted on bringing her own baby food to visits. Only problem was that the baby had a severe milk allergy and was badly ill with projectile vomiting and diarrhea after every single visit. I packed a baby food that was totally milk free, told the transporter that this was ALL he could have, and then got it back with the statement that 'they are only supervising to make sure the child isn't mistreated or in any danger'. They do no assis the bio in parenting skills or decisions. Even after I contacted the cw this continued. Even with a Dr. note - it continued. It finally stopped with a TPR and adoption. Poor kid.So - if you come up with anything - please share! And good luck.....

I think that the child still legally belongs to the parents and they can feed them whatever they want. They don't have to follow foster parents instructions, unfortunately. Heck, they don't have to follow dr. instructions either.

The thing is, though, the link between ADHD and sugar hasn't been proven. Most studies to date have not supported a link between hyperactivity and sugar (brief over view: [url]http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder/complete-index.shtml)[/url]. So techincally, it isn't really provable that the reason the interventions you've tried aren't working is because of the sugary snacks. Plus, let's all be honest, when we want to treat children, we usually end up some place like the ice cream shop, or picking up a popsicle while at the zoo or getting a drink at McDonald's. But for the parents of kids in fostercare that's pretty much the only option. They can't gather around the stove and bake whole grain banana nut bread with rice flour and extra wheatgerm. Nor can they take their hour visit whip up a pot of spinach. Most of them are doing the best they can to maintain some tenuous link to their child in the midst everyone telling them how bad they are. Little Guy used to come back with family sized bags (plural) of candies and cookies after each visit. I put them away for events like his birthday party....at the same time the social workers worked with the family to create options to the candy. They really and truly thought they were being helpful. Candy was their control method for Little Guy. Is that healthy, no, of course not. But everyone has to learn in order to know.

It sounds like my kid's biomom--she started out with healthy snacks while she was monitored in drug rehab but as she moved on to the t house and then her own place, it has changed to mostly candy and cookies (and these are babies). SW has tried gently talking with her and now she serves broccolli next to the mm's and chips. I think she really does want what is best for her kids but to her that is making them happy with food. Don't give her more credit than she deserves with doing this on purpose--it's probably how she was raised and she doesn't really think it is that bad for them. As far as the ADHD--get a note from the dr. on what the child should be allowed to eat. If she doesn't follow it then this may be grounds for endangering the child and visits would have to be strictly monitored. Some people don't react until they are hit over the head with reality. For your sanity, don't take it personally--remember where she came from and that her children were removed from her--she may be very limited in her ability to parent.

I agree that they're their kids and they can feed them whatever they want. Absolutely. And out of respect for their family preferences, perhaps we should only eat what their family prefers on visit days:evilgrin: Oh, the visits aren't going as smoothly as they used to? They're all hyped up, fidgety, and seem to have a sugar crash towards the end? Huh, wierd.... I know I may not sound so nice on this subject but after almost a year straight of cleaning up the diarreah and vomit on a weekly or more basis with 2 well meaning mothers of their children at visits, I'm all done being super nice. If the CWs won't help, then we'll just use natural consequences. Another fun one is teaching toddlers about healthy food vs junk food. What healthy food does to your body and ...EWWW...what junk food does for your body. It was rather funny to hear how our 2 yr old FD went to visit and was horrified that her Mommy had given her **gasp** junk food. She apparantly frowned, yelled "this is junk food! Not good for my body!" and proceeded to throw the junk in the garbage. :D LOL I taught her well;) It lasted her for a while until the SW brainwashed her back in to eating junk, due to it being the only means her Mommy could coerse her to come anywhere near her.