DH just "scolded" me for spoiling E....

Kids NEED boundries and consequences from early on. This provides for them a sense of security. Children THRIVE on boundries and consequences. Yes, pick your battles. But pick them wisely. Don't not say no to something b/c you don't want to deal with the tantrum or tears. If your husband says no to the ties, then do not let him play with those and be a united front and say "mommy and daddy say no to the ties, lets find something else". If you allow your child to "test" or "do" whatever he pleases for fear of making his childhood anything less than grand you are doing him a disservice. Once he gets into the real world where mom and dad can't be with him it will be culture shock. Sounds like you are doing a GREAT job with him. You just need to outline some definete boundries and that means talking with dad about what he wants too. GOOD LUCK MOMMY!!!:clap:

I find this to be a hard one, too. To some extent, you can't blame a toddler for being whiny or demanding sometimes. They are very dependent and they can't tell you what they want most of the time. I do not like whining, though! If David was older, I wouldn't respond to it. But since he can't talk he's going to whine for things. I just encourage him to ask for things by name if he knows the word for it. I don't feel like I can really enforce a "no whining" rule on a 17-month-old.We pretty much have it set up so that if a closet, drawer or cabinet is safe, he can play in it. If not, it's locked so he can't get in it and that really helps keep me from having to say "no" 100 times a day. If your DH doesn't want him in his ties, then maybe there is a way to make it inaccessible so you don't have keep telling E "no". I'm sure he has his reasons. There are some accessible things in our house that David can't play with - like the stereo, cat food and lamps. I look at those things as a chance to practice self control. :) He understands that they are off limits, but sometimes it's hard to resist. So we practice and I give him lots of praise when he stops himself. I'm not worried that he's going to be unhappy with limits, but I also don't expect him to be able to follow them consistently yet. He's not spoiled. He's just little.

I think everyone here has given you great advice! I also think that you and your husband should make some decisions together about what E is permitted to play with and what he isn't and, as Shannon says, make the things that aren't permitted as inaccessible and out of visable range as possible. In fact, maybe try to think six months or a year ahead - sure he can't see the top of this shelf NOW, but will he be able to in a month? I feel like I'm often too lenient in this way too - if I coudl go back and change it, I honestly think I'd be a little more strict/hard-core from the beginning. I believe in pick your battles, but I think sometimes I let her pick them rather then me pick them! :) I'm trying to be better though. The more that DH and I act as a united front, the easier it is, I find. Of course now A has started with the "But Daddy said I could" when daddy didn't say anything of the kind! Where did she learn to be so sneaky!?

Our house gets a B+ for baby proofing but the tie thing was sort of a surprise! ANd honestly you can't break a tie though he does have a penchant for Daddy's two very expensive Burberry ties ......:evilgrin:You are right we need to sit down and talk about how we want to do things!

My SIL is big on "picking her battles" - problem is, she rarely seemed to pick them! (Not saying that's what you're doing, just saying it's a danger of the "pick your battles" mantra!) I agree with a previous poster that said you and DH need to be on the same page. I think "Daddy says no" is an unfair way to go - because Daddy of course doesn't want to be the "bad guy." Also, ties aren't a toy, so it makes sense that this would be something off limits. I think your vision of the world being a magical place for E is great - but I also think kids can have WONDERFUL childhoods and be absolutely happy all the while having rules and boundaries. You should be the one to rule the house (with DH) and still providing E all the happiness in the world. Kids might whine at naptime, but they need them. Kids might cry when we put sunscreen on them, but they need it. And kids might not always be happy with the rules and boundaries, but they need those too. E wants really simple things now.....but he needs to know who runs the house, because someday, the things he wants or needs might not be so simple.

TG mom that is all sooo true and so well said.

Phew! I was worried for a second it didn't come out right :)

I truly believe you have to set boundaries. Baby proofing your home is a MUST, however, there are some things that you just can't put away out of reach. Children have to be taught that just because they want something doesn't mean that they can have it. Yes, choose your battles, but make sure E knows that mommy and daddy are boss. Now the battles are small, but as he gets older, they will be bigger harder battles. He needs to know that just because a drawer isn't locked, doesn't mean he can have access to it. What happens when he is older and is at someone's house and finds a closet unlocked and gets into something very harmful/dangerous? We say that would never happen to my child, but one really never knows. Children need to know there are rules and boundaries, otherwise they will have a very hard time when they venture out of the house, to school, to play, anywhere. If we start enforcing boundaries when they are young, it will be so much easier to keep enforcing boundaries as they grow older. You can't just start having rules over night and expect a teenager to be OK with that. I know I'm rambling on and on, but I truly believe that a child will ultimately be happier and more secure in the World if they learn to Respect and Obey their parents. NOW, if I could just apply what I believe to everyday life it would be so easy, LOL! I still can't figure out how to get little H from spitting on everybody and everything when he gets mad!

It's so true, and E isn't a bad kid, he doesn't test boundaries that often but he's terrible with the electric toothbrush and ties both of which I did not set boundaries on early enough.However, like with touching the flat screen TV I went fairly ballistic on that one :eyebrows: and while he does touch it every now and he really hasn't tested it.And DH is right, his ties are like my ....I don't know, my makeup or something and he values them and doesn't need E's grubby little yogurt hands all over them.Slightly OT but not really, i decided to take lower gate off stairs just to see how he does and he doesn't seem that interested!But i'm wondering i guess you have to leave both gates on until both gates are off????

Chiming in here...I agree with those who say that you and your DH have to be on the same page. I try to recall the way I was raised, which was great in general, but there are obviously things I do differently. We always agree when it comes to discipline. If we don't agree, we step away for a sec and discuss it before returning to the situation, or the one who disagrees keeps silent until we can discuss it. We try to redirect, redirect, redirect. There are certain things that are off-bounds, such as the stereo etc. We limit the "no"s, and try to stick to "that's not okay." We always try to explain why she shouldn't touch or play with something, rather than just saying it. It's funny - she'll actually stop, stare at you, and listen, and who knows how much she understands, but sometimes she actually complies! No corporal punishment ever. As with aclee, we also do a lot of praising. She knows that when she picks up something, it's a blast to bring it over to us, because she'll get a big "Gracias!!", then she'll run off clapping her hands with glee. The Look, as I mentioned in another thread, usually works when she's screaming, as does a stern "Stop." Our DD has a lot of gumption at times, so it's a day-by-day thing, but we're lucky that most of the time she's just a blast to be around and there's no need to discipline her. I do think that you can spoil a child, and we try to keep that in mind. It's hard when you only have one child, but it serves the child better in the long run.

Stormster-you and I seem to be parenting the same way. We are older and probably won't be able to have another child and DD is a delight most of the time and doesn't need much discipline. Our dr asked what we were doing for discipline and I couldn't really tell her but we definitely take away things if it's a dangerous situation (like getting to close to the water (pond) when feeding our fish). I do tell her danger and explain what's dangerous and why she is not to touch something. Now that she can actually get into more things I'm starting to tell her no and why she can't have something. For example, "No those are mommie's contacts and they are very expensive, mommy won't be able to see without them." For the most part, I do what you do-I don't see the harm in her having almost anything to look at and DH doesn't always agree. I want her to see and explore her world, under my close supervision of course. She does go to a full time Christian school (more than a daycare) and of course has a set schedule and rules there. One tip my dr gave me was to tell her what's expected before she gets into a situation and what the consequences will be. For example, "you can have the crayons to color in the book with but as soon as you eat one, I'm taking them away." My dr said make sure to follow through the first time because when they get older they don't get to try drugs 3 times before they get punished. I had never thought of it that way. Will this spoil her? I hope not but she's such an independent spirit I can't help but foster that right now.

For what its worth, here's my opinion... Children should NEVER be allowed to "run" the household, espiecally when they are younger. Because when they get to be older, (middle schoolish) they will have full 100% control of your entire household and get exactly whatever they want, whenever, because they DO run the house. I have seen this, its not pretty. it is completely up to the parents to discipline and set boundries as young as possible. Its not punishment or torture to discipline and say NO!!! its part of everyday life at my house. the whole picking your battles thing is good in theory, but you end up not disciplining at all then. because everytime something happens, you say, well, its not that big of deal, and let it go... but then they constantly keep doing it because there was no consequence the first 10 times. i firmly believe that parents should be just that, parents. Not your child's best friend!! that only creates problems further down the line when you child has little respect for you because you let them walk all over you when they were little. Sorry, i got a little off track there, but anyways, if you hubby says no ties, then no ties. i'm sure he can play with something alot better than a tie anyways. Children should always respect and obey their parents, and yes i truely believe you can spoil a child, rather quickly, and that only is going to hurt you further down the road. Setting rules and boundries is sooo much easier when they are tiny. Try to get an older child to follow rules when they have never had any is very challenging to say the least!! being on the same page with your hubby is necessary. Rach

I don't think there's a one size fits all for every kid when it comes to discipline. I think parents need to be strict about safety, education, breaking the law and even things like good manners but I don't want to be a prison guard either. I say that most of all because DS has a wonderful happy spirit I want to nurture.That said, i let him have mini tantrums today because of things he wanted to do that were not appropriate (incuding the usual suspects) and was absolutely fine with his tears which did not last long before he was on to the next activity.I just feel like we all have different perceptions of what is appropriate behavior and what isn't. What we all probably do agree on is the parents need to run the house, anything else is dysfunctional and having grown up in a majorly dysfunctional environment I will do anything it takes to prevent that from happening!I just have to learn that I am making him cry for the best possible reason!

Aw Storm, you're not making him cry! Especially not on purpose or to hurt him or upset him! And I hope you don't feel like you are, because that can certainly take it's toll on any parent!

no actually TG it makes me feel like a better parent!