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I have been a member since 2007 f this forum. Honestly I barely visit this site cause I try to contain my emotions, my thoughts... I find this site very helpful esp for adoptees like us...
Now I find my self typing away with courage of sharing my story.
I am from the Philippines, 27 years old, adoptee and also an adoptive parent. I have never met nor searched for my birthparents. I intend to, but not now. I am married for 5 years and we have adopted our baby too. She's now 2.
I am blessed with the best adoptive parents. They have taught me what unconditional love really means. Loving without hesitations, giving without expecting anything in return, understanding despite the failures and mistakes, supportive even if at times it hurts. They have loved all of me, my eccentricity, my strengths and my weaknesses. They have made life meaningful and worthwhile all these years.
My love for them is unmeasureable but I know they love me more. Even after my marriage, and even if my marriage isn't perfect, they are still here with me giving all their support.
We have been married for almost 4 years when I decided I wanted to adopt too. My inspiration are my parents who have raised me so well. I wanted to give love to another baby just like the way they did to me.
It was hard during the adoption because I had to give up and sacrifice a lot of things for the baby. For others they thought it was none sense to give up everything in exchange of loving a baby who will never be physically yours.
I didn't waver. I was hurt, scared at some point. But I know I am doing the right thing. I never regret it.
But life, just like any other adoptees, isn't fair. People around us i guess will never ever understand or accept adoptees. There will always be frustration, rejection and anger.
Sad truth is, the people whom we thought have loved us will end up hurting us the most. I grew up thinking that my relatives loved me. Only to find out in the end that they have despised me all these years.
They mock me, laugh at me and probably silently hope that everything else in my life will shatter. They are mean and say the most painful things. What's more sad about it is, my parents, because they are people with good hearts, just keep the silence, and cry letting the others speak ill of me as if they didn't hear a thing.
My business and my marriage is doing great, but deep inside i feel empty, shattered and lost. Longing for acceptance....
I was never after the material things my parents has to offer and I will never be. That is why I am working as hard as I can to provide to my own family without relying solely on my parents.
Why is it that people look at us (adoptees) as shallow and materialistic individuals? Where in reality it was never our fault that we are adopted.
I never questioned God why I was given up by my birthparents. In fact I was even more thankful. And if I have to choose again, I would still love to live with my foster parents.
As I type away my emotions, I couldn't help but cry out the pain, hurt and loneliness I am feeling now. I am tired of wearing the happy mask...
Im letting my guards down now... and just embracing the reality that I am only human.... hurting... and sad...
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I read your story and I admire your courage and outlook on life. I feel the same way about my parents. I'd like to ask you what did you mean about relatives despising you? I have to ask because it is important to know if you are talking about the same feelings I have. I did, just this week found my birth family. It's a real rollercoaster emotionally. Keep up the good attitude and outlook on life.
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Thanks for the support KittyMay. Well some of my relatives don't accept me. Especially if in terms of material things that my parents wants to give me. My parents wants to give me a piece of land as inheritance but because of that plus other prior misunderstandings, my other relatives do not approve of it. Im not after the inheritance at all. In fact thats the very reason why i work hard cause i know it will be an issue to most of them. but its painful to keep asking for acceptance when in fact the realisty is we just don't belong. It hurts to see ur adoptive parents hurting too... the relatives wanted me out of the family... and out of my adoptive parent's life.... it hurts but i guess this pain is all part of it.
ellathinks
Sad truth is, the people whom we thought have loved us will end up hurting us the most. I grew up thinking that my relatives loved me. Only to find out in the end that they have despised me all these years. They mock me, laugh at me and probably silently hope that everything else in my life will shatter. They are mean and say the most painful things. What's more sad about it is, my parents, because they are people with good hearts, just keep the silence, and cry letting the others speak ill of me as if they didn't hear a thing.
Ellathinks,
I'm new to all of this in regards to the fact that I've never talked openly about my adoption with anyone but my aparents until this past week when I found my bfamily and joined this wonderful supportive network here. I was adopted at 3 days old. My aparents are wonderful and I never could imagine how any of their relatives could tell them what they could leave for me or couldn't. I have always privately wondered if their nieces or nephews would step forward and make claims based on the fact I wasn't their "real child" but in actuality I am their only child. Is there something I don't know about adoptee's not being legally the heirs of their parents? We, meaning my parents and I never questioned the fact that their things would be for me and my child. I am in my late 40's and they have stood by me and my daughter through more than most parents would. I love them with all my heart and never even thought for a minute that anything would be different other than the fact that I was adopted. Am I wrong? Thank you for sharing Ellathinks. My heart goes out to you and it sound like they have a great daughter in you. Thank you for giving me something to relate to and the courage to ask the above question. :clap:
I assume that your parents have a will in which you are named as their heir. Legally you are their heir, but it will be harder for grasping greedy relatives to create problems if they have named you. Try to keep in mind that your parents have demonstrated their unconditional love for you and remember they are not responsible for the relatives. (Someone once said you pick your friends not your relatives.
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KittyMay, you are indeed the legal heir to your aparents' estates. Even if they were to die without a will (intestate), the probate court would automatically recognize you as their legal heir, no differently than if you had been born to them.The necessity of drawing up a will is an absolute must for any birth mother who wishes to leave something to her relinquished child, however. Adoptees have no legal inheritance rights when it comes to their birth parents' estates. Those inheritance rights are legally terminated when the relinquishment papers are signed. So if a birth/first mom wants to pass on something to the child she placed for adoption, she must make certain that she names him or her in her last will and testament. If she dies intestate without having any other children, the probate court will make her legal spouse the first heir, any living parents her second heir, and siblings her third heir.
All I know for sure is that the last line in my adoption decree it states, that i am as born to them for the purposes of the law and inheritance. Even though they went and had my name X'd out of their will. So without the will I would have claim but since it has been X'd out and each place was initialed by both Aparents. I am not a party to the estate.