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I'm posting this question on behalf of a fellow member who wishes to remain anonymous. The situation is this: my friend's sister (they were both adopted as infants from separate birth mothers) is undergoing some serious medical problems. She's 43 years old and originally reunited with her birthmom when she was in her early 20's. The reunion did not go well - due to some psychiatric problems, my friend's sister's behavior at the time was pretty obnoxious and manipulative (meds stabilized her in later years). Birthmom couldn't handle the behavior and ended up turning on her bdaughter, telling her to get out of her life and never return. There has been no contact since then.
The dilemma is this: it is imperative that my friend's sister obtain her birth family's medical history, preferably for both maternal and paternal sides. Her doctors have requested she try to get the records from her bmom. (The records are also important for her children, her bmom's grandchildren.)
What is the best way of contacting the bmom? My friend has found her on Facebook, so she can send a message via the website. Bmom is now 63 years old and hasn't spoken with bdaughter in almost 20 years. The relationship ended in a hostile manner. What would you say in a message if you were the one writing her? If you were the bmom, how do you think you'd react if you were to receive a message so many years later? Any advice?? How would you tackle the subject of asking her for any medical history of the birthfather?
Thanks for your help! :thanks:
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Hi Raven!
Let's see, I'm thinking it was a LONG time ago AND it's a really important issue.
If I was the daughter I would send a message and say something like 'It's been a long time, and I know you said you never wanted to speak with me again. I am really sorry for how I acted, I'm not excusing my behavior then, but I'm now on medication that helps me to control myself. I wouldn't be bothering you, but this is important...(and then go on to explain the medical problems and what she needs).
I would just be as honest as possible, and apologetic.
Hope that makes some sense.
I wish your friend all the luck in the world, she could use it.
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Quantum, thanks for the advice, sweetie. You're always so insightful and down to earth. :) My friend (our anonymous forum member) will most likely be the one to be the go-between. Her sister is scared to death that her bmom will reject her...I guess there were some pretty hateful things said by both of them at the end of their relationship. So she's willing to have her sister be the one to actually contact bmom. She's trying to figure out what type of approach would have the most positive outcome.
I hope more birthmoms chime in here soon -- do you think I put the thread in the wrong forum?