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My husband and I will be adopting our 19 mo old foster son this year. Our last name is Justice, his middle name is Justus....what are the chances, huh?
Anyway, I would like to change his middle name to Michael. My husband would like to change it to his bio mom's last name (her last name could be a first or middle name). I am not fond of this idea. Naming a child after someone is done to honor that person. Is she worth honoring? She is worth remembering, she gave birth to him, but not worth honoring. And I don't like her last name. My husband wants our son to not feel like we were trying to take something away from him. It's hard on a child grieving the loss of his bio family, and maybe giving him her last name as his middle name would help with that grief. My husband doesn't want it to seem like we were trying to forget her because our foster son will probably not see her again. She has been awol for a while. I guess he just wants to do it as a way to keep both families in our son's life. We don't have any pictures of his mom and no letters. She did give him a toy and we will give it to him when he is older and won't try to flush it, lol, but that is all we have of her.
The more I think about this, the more I come around to liking the idea. Maybe our son would appreciate that. Maybe he wouldn't...she is a druggie who ended up abandoning him.
Just wanted someone else's opinion. Thank you.
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I may be getting a little girl before she is one and was wondering at what age would be too old to change her name. I am planning to keep part of her first name but add another name before it like and of course change her last name. But me and my family are already connected to her birth name since she was born and I feel like if I take it completely away she'll feel like she was missing something.
Any thoughts??
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Calalily
I may be getting a little girl before she is one and was wondering at what age would be too old to change her name. I am planning to keep part of her first name but add another name before it like and of course change her last name. But me and my family are already connected to her birth name since she was born and I feel like if I take it completely away she'll feel like she was missing something.
Any thoughts??
Honestly, I see zero reason not to change it. It's JUST a middle name. How often will it get spoken? Like Never?
I always get a kick out of new parent forums where the mom spends so much time and energy making sure the middle name is 'just right'. As if it's even gonna get used? I know I know...
Im usually pretty outspoken about changing first names, and allowing the child to choose thier own middle name (if they are old enough that is), but in this case I cant see how it matters. Just my .02 cents.
Wildgrl90
Honestly, I see zero reason not to change it. It's JUST a middle name. How often will it get spoken? Like Never?
I always get a kick out of new parent forums where the mom spends so much time and energy making sure the middle name is 'just right'. As if it's even gonna get used? I know I know...
Im usually pretty outspoken about changing first names, and allowing the child to choose thier own middle name (if they are old enough that is), but in this case I cant see how it matters. Just my .02 cents.
My little guy's middle name was justus too. I was adopted (twice once at birth and once at 8) and I wasn't ever asked if I wanted to change my name it was just pretty much this is it. Of course now that's 30 years ago. When I got my two little guys they were 7 months and just turned 3. Their first names were much more religious than I would have wanted but I never considered changing them (of course now people think I am uber religious but oh well). I did change their middle names though (and they didn't know them). But for the last name we did something unique which probably isn't an option for most people. I was adopted and then adopted as a single person. We came up with a new "family" name which we all changed to when we created our family/legacy. Some people thought it odd, others thought it great but it helped us all to come together as our family. I have their original birth certificates and have kept in limited contact with a grandmother so that when they have questions I can answer them. But a name they are used to and iudentify with is a really strong thing. It sounds as though you are coming to understand the different "facets". good luck to you. Print out this post and question. In years to come you'll pull this out and think "This was my biggest issue back then??!!"
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Wildgrl90
Honestly, I see zero reason not to change it. It's JUST a middle name. How often will it get spoken? Like Never?
I always get a kick out of new parent forums where the mom spends so much time and energy making sure the middle name is 'just right'. As if it's even gonna get used? I know I know...
Im usually pretty outspoken about changing first names, and allowing the child to choose thier own middle name (if they are old enough that is), but in this case I cant see how it matters. Just my .02 cents.
I'm currently still in the Home Study process, but am already thinking about how to handle the name issue.
I definately want them to have my last name, but would like to also change either their first or middle names. I love unusual names, but I also want my children to have a name that they can use professionally as an adult.
Since I am adopting older children, they will be a part of deciding what their new name will be. If they are totally against changing their first or middle name, I won't force them, but I may add a third name that reflects me... a name I probably would have chosen for them if they were my bio kids, or if I had adopted them as infants.
We gave our 5 yr old DD the option of the name change
She had had so little control over any aspects of her life up to finalization, it only seemed fair. I did stress repeatedly how we were excited about her joining our family. She knew the dogs all share our last name - its pat of being in the family. But i didn't force it on her.
I personally would have preferred she change her middle name (named after PGM who turned her back on her), but she felt it was HER name and wanted to keep it. Same with funkily spelled first name.
We kept our daughter's first name since her bio mom gave her the name. I felt it very important that she keep at least one of the names her birthmother gave her. She was only 4 months old when she came to live with us so we knew we could change it if we wanted and she wouldn't know a difference. We changed her middle name and we call her a nickname that we chose. At 18 she can make the choice to change her name and drop the name her bio mom gave her, but I'm making that her decision and not mine.
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We adopted two boys ages 11 yrs old and 4 yrs old at time of the adoption. When we knew that we were about to adopt them, we started showing how the dogs shared our last name, how when I married DH, I changed my last name to his last name, and that now we would like all of us to be a big family, and that we were considering changing their last name, both boys embranced the idea right away. Our little guy is a little behind on his speech and he was starting to be able to pronounced his name (a hard and long name), and to see his efforts and happiness when he finally was able to say it..., was priceless, he earned his name :) - Our 11 yr old in the other hand started dreaming and calling himself all kind of crazy names from Junior to ACE. But he settled for his given first and middle name. He is happy that he had the opportunity to make the choice on keeping his name.:banana:
I have a teen adoptive child that wanted a new first name. We allowed the child to pick their first name. The child didn't like their bio name because children teased them. Once the family found out they were upset. The family have now told the child they refuse to call the child by it;s new name? I feel this is unacceptable and disrespectful. The child is hurt that they are not honoring their wish for a new name. Thoughts????
Our kids are 2 & 3 and we have completely changed their names. AD refuses to go by anything but her new name and AS is so young he took right to his new name.
I think maybe I just look at things differently than most people. When I think of naming a child I think of it being one of the many decisions a parent makes for their child. It is one of the first things you do for your child.
My kids were given up when their parents, after 3 chances, still wouldn't give up drugs and drinking. They called and asked to relinquish rights the last time. So, to me they never earned the right to make these decisions.
They gave up the right to make any decisions for these kids when they gave them away.
We're a couple weeks away from our TPR trial, and the name changing topic is on my mind. We have 3 FC who we plan to adopt - I like the boys' names, they suit them and aren't off the wall or anything like that - although they have the same middle name (their BF's middle name) and I've only loosely thought about changing their middle names. Now, their sister has a cute name, but it's probably not something she's going to want as she gets older or when she starts her career. I've gotten some negative feedback for discussing the possibility of changing her name, but at this point, all I can think of is switching her first and middle names - that way she can continue to use her given name, but has the option to use a more grown up name when she gets older. Even that seems to offend people. I really haven't thought of a completely new name for her - and wonder if she will feel differently because only her name changed and not her brothers. The kids are 3, 2 and 1 (she's the oldest).
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We changed our kids names upon adoption and we had some very negative responses from people that really had no business having an opinion (the daycare). Birth family was initially not happy, but now, almost 4 years later, the only person having any difficulty with the name change would be Birth Grandma. I don't think any of the possibilities you have mentioned should be a problem. Just ignore the naysayers and do what you feel is right. They are so young that it will be easy for them to embrace the new name(s). Especially if they see you excited about it. We even talked with our son about it and got him all excited about being involved in choosing his name. I gave him two options and let him pick. He thought it was great fun. My daughter was only 2, so we obviously chose for her. Her name also was limited based on other people in our family having close to the same name and we didn't want anyone thinking we were naming her after them.At this point, I couldn't imagine my children having any other name. Their name fits them like no other.
We hyphenated our last name with AS's original birth surname. As his original last name is now after the hyphenation, he can drop it as he pleases and now just uses our surname exclusively. Our name is a "community name", so he feels more included by using our last name, but it was nice for him to have that option.
Our other FS decided he didn't want to be adopted and we've left it at that, although we are disappointed with the circumstances that lead him to that decision (bio family input).