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Today is my Bd's 28th birthday. We haven't yet met f2f. She cut me off over a year ago, blocked me from anything we were connected in on the internet. I sent her a simple email last night just wishing her well to an address that i don't even know if she looks at anymore or if it will receive items from me, although it hasn't been returned. In the letter she sent me last, she said I act like someone has died and that is partly why she completely turned 180 degrees and doesn't want the relationship anymore. I'm just so lost on this. It is a huge gaping hole that I have so much pouring out of and I need to meet her, just once! to plug it up and start refilling again. The last time I was on these forums was 1 year ago today. I've been thinking about her all day today. The reason I signed on this evening is because I was cleaning out my email at my regular site and found an email from her from just before Christmas in 05, the year that she found me. Reading this, she was still excited to talk to me and tell me anything about herself no matter how significant or not. And although it's so old, it emmediately warmed me. I'm sitting here tear-y eyed with it printed off in front of me. God, if you are listening to me at this moment, please...just please.
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3 yrs and 4 days, to be exact... still haven't met f2f, still haven't heard from her all this time. Thought about everything about her all day on her birthday. Hubby works 3rd shift so he was sleeping during the day Saturday which of course left me to my own mind for the whole day...the whole very long day. It wasn't a "gray day" sort of day at all. I wasn't moping all day about her. I was picturing the last pic I got of her daughter, and the last pics I saw of her dressed up for Halloween. I was smiling all day. Sure I was a little melancholy about it, but certainly not down in the dumps at all. Yeah, I still wish and hope and pray for the opportunity to meet her and get to know her, and for the chance to meet my own granddaughter. Can't wait for her to be planted in the garden of my soul.