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Hi everyone. I am new here and I have always wanted a place to come to, to discuss my experience. I finally found a website that I can trust.
My long story, short.....I was 19 when I placed my son up for adoption. It was very difficult at the time and it has gotten better through the years, I of course will never forget him. He will be 13 this year, it is amazing how time flies.
I really hope his parents are trying to find me. We had an open adoption and I was getting letters and pictures every month sometimes every other month. It helped me alot seeing that he is healthy and well taken care of. Well the reason we got out of touch was because I moved then they moved and niether notified the other. I am sad that it has been 6 years since I have heard or seen him. I sent a letter to their last known address but it was returned with no forwarding address. My next step is to contact my attorney at the time of the adoption, hoping they have stayed in contact with theirs and hopefully I will get their updated info.
I have a beautiful daughter now and I have told her that she has a brother but she is too young to understand. Am I going to confuse her? Should I not be telling her that?
Well I will post more later, it is late.
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Laura,
I found my son two years ago, my girls were 4 and 2 at the time. I think it's better that they grow up knowing that they have a brother. It doesn't need to be complicated, but keeping these kinds of secrets have a way of biting you on the *** later.
I wish you all the best in finding your son's family again! And thank you for sharing your story.
This is a pretty good place for getting support, talking things out, having people who understand.
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Thank you everyone for your advice. I will continue to tell her and help her to understand. My ex (her dad) had a problem with me already having a baby before ours and didn't like that I talked about my son. Now that we are apart, I have no problem telling my daughter the truth, why should I have to hide it.
I fully intend on telling my future children about their older brother from an early age. Especially when I plan on trying to have a relationship with him when he's old enough. It would be a lot easier to explain to them who he is if they've known about him from the get-go. And I'm so sorry the guy had a problem with that, you deserve someone who isn't going to hold your past against you!
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Well, if the networking sites aren't working for you.. he is 13, maybe send a registered letter to his parents.
I would never contact a minor. As far as putting decisions in the hands of minors... look where that got allot of us... Chances are, if you wait for the child, you may wait forever. (esp. with males)
I would at least make it known that you are there and willing to do what it takes to meet.
... after-all, walking through an open door is much easier than a closed one.
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Briefly, I am a reunited birthmother. A couple words of advice. I definitely think it is wise to let your daughter grow up knowing that she has a brother. I placed in the 60s...days of secrecy and shame. I never told the daughter and son I raised about my firstborn because I thought there was no way possible of ever finding her and also because the children I raised and I went through a horrible divorce. There was no right time to tell them. They only found out when my 1st born and I found one another. It was and is fine with my son, but so not all right with the daughter I raised who grew up believing she was my firstborn. As someone said, secrecy and lies have a way of coming back to bite you in the you know what.
Secondly, I must admit it is hard to understand how both you and the a'parents moved without notifying the other. Were things going well during the "open" times?
Do whatever you possibly can do to find the family and resume contact, but I would in no way attempt to contact your son independently. That would be way too much for a 13 year old to handle and might in the end cut off ties permanently and cause you legal problems as well.
Good luck in your search and Blessings!
NanieB
carixlynn
Im adopted, and I know everyone is differnt, however, dont contact him first. Let him come to you. You made the decision to put him up for adoption, so let him make the decision to come and find you.
NanieB44
Secondly, I must admit it is hard to understand how both you and the a'parents moved without notifying the other. Were things going well during the "open" times?
Do whatever you possibly can do to find the family and resume contact, but I would in no way attempt to contact your son independently. That would be way too much for a 13 year old to handle and might in the end cut off ties permanently and cause you legal problems as well.
Good luck in your search and Blessings!
NanieB
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