Considering Adoption for me Down Syndrome

Oh, you are right. She has found a family. (I didn't read very closely).I think that knowing what you cannot handle is just as important as knowing what you can handle. Either one is vital to the child's well being and thats what matters.

First God does NOT punish people with such a blessing. Yes a baby is a GIFT, not a slap in the face. I am not going to elaborate anymore on this because I do not trust my fingers and I do not want to get banned. Please make an adoption plan where this baby will be loved unconditionally regardless of any imperfections. You seem to be by your own admission incapable of loving or caring for a less than perfect baby with medical needs. Some of the most amazing people I know have DS. This baby deserves to have loving parents that will help him acheive his full potential. The ONLY thing I commend you for is not aborting this baby because it appears that you want a baby on your terms. I will tell you one thing, even if you were to give birth to 100% healthy baby, what is t prevent something from happening to this child further down the road that would require medical needs that would not fit in your schedule? Do you plan of giving them up too? Remember , nothing in life is 100% EZ

You should absolutely go forward with your adoption plan. Many families would be very happy (blessed) to have this child in their family. You should allow your child to have a family that values him. This is us supporting you. But please do not ask us to agree with you or to sympathize with you. That is something entirely different as most of here would welcome this child into homes with open arms. I would also recommend you find a new pastor if this man has put the idea that you are being punished for IVF by having a special needs child. I question your notion that people would support you more if you had an abortion. But these are personal choices and only you can decide what is right for your family.

This just really makes me sad.......I guess there's nothing "wrong" with wanting a healthy child. BUT please know there are a LOT of "sick" children that can't be "fixed" in the hospital. My daughter does not have DS but her heart defect will never be "fixed". I think your baby will truly be a blessing to an adoptive family that will be so happy to have him. Our daughter, while she will never be "healthy", is a gift from God and a blessing that I thank him for every day! ETA: To all the previous posters GSC, Angelkisses, OakShannon, etc. I have really appreciated your thoughts and it has brought me comfort to read your words today. THANKS!

To all of you judging me special AngelKisses... you are very mean people God I can't believe you guys think if my other children would get sick I would not love them anymore how hurtful can you be to someone in trouble. Thanks. And when I said DS can't be fixed... Lets say it this way... if there was a cure for pregnant women with a DS child how many of them do you think would take the chance in healing this child?? This is MY WOW to you all. If I had this baby for 6 months and they turned out and told me he has DS or a whatever problem I would NOT put him up for adoption cause he would be my little guy already. I read just yesterday someone like all of you who kept her child thinking oh this poor little thing is my baby and I will give it all he needs... well she was so fedup at the end she gave him up at the age of 15 years old. How do you think this child then felt?? Better or worse then being given to a great family right at birth??? I would like to ask you that. I would also like to ask you, although there are mild cases, there are also severe cases mixed with autism and other things and they go through so much... the baby but the family also. How many of you if asked ... "do you want to adopt this cute little boy who is healthy" or this "DS baby who we know is going to have very many problems..." I wonder which one you would choose... Finally I called my best friend yesterday cause she knows me and my family best (all of you don't) and she said it was a wonderful idea to put him up for adoption and that it would be too much for our family with 2 teenages that already have problems... Even better that I found the perfect family and will be allowed to visit him with his siblings... That is the best choice. Their little girl is so waiting for a sibling... a Christmas gift will be amazing to her... why not make another family happy...

First of all, I thought my response to you was rather tame. There were other things I would have liked to say but I held back. You have to realize that you came on here saying some very hurtful things. There are people here who are raising kids with DS and other disabilities. There are people here who have family members that have DS. How do you think it makes US feel to hear you speak so callously of your child? God is punishing you with this baby? What an aweful thing to say. How are we sopposed to act after hearing that? Not being able to "fix" a DS baby? Again, horrible. Yes, raising a child with DS takes extra work and responsibility. If you can't handle it and are only open to a "healthy" child, than do this baby a favor and let someone else love him. But don't act like he is some kind of horrible curse from God. You have no idea how that hurts those who have family members with DS. When you come on a forum using words like that, it's not just about you.

I should probably just walk away from this thread, but I can't. I have no idea but I feel like I need to post to "defend" my daughter who is not "perfect and healthy" (although to me she IS Perfect!) I am sorry if you feel this post is mean or unsupportive. I think most of us here have agreed that you are making the best choice for your child by making an adoption plan. 2 things I wanted to adress. First you ask who wouldn't take a chance at healing their child... I think we all would. I know I have taken my child to EVERY specialist recommended and then some. I have taken her to the best Children's Hospital in our State for experimental surgery. We have done years of PT, OT and speech. I think the difference is, I am doing this for HER so she can have an easier life. NOT for ME so that I can have a perfect healthy child! I love and accept her with her health problems and do not wish to change her, only wish her life could be easier. The 2nd thing I wanted to respond to was your quote about chosing between "a cute little boy who is healthy" or "a baby with DS and lots of problems". Now my daughter does not have DS but when we adopted her we CHOSE her knowing she had a very complex congenital heart defect. We were also told she had significant developmental delays and they had no way to tell us how delayed she might be. She was 2.5 and function at about 1-1.5 yrs old. We were told she might never function beyond 5 or 6 they had no way of knowing. WELL we CHOSE her anyway. And she is now 7 going into 2nd grade, reading on grade level and still has some delays and I don't care. Again I wish for HER that her life was easier but I LOVE Her, I CHOSE Her and I think she is a blessing from God (not a punishment) EVERY single day. It just hurts me that anyone would think MY child is less desirable because of her health or developmental delays. (I do realize the op is not saying my daughter is less desirable it's just what I hear when I read theses kinds of posts).

DS Slideshow [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZSfAJEpElc&feature=related]YouTube - Down Syndrome Slide Show[/url] Down Syndrome: A Life Worth Living [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGIuCmhh5Bw]YouTube - Down Syndrome - A Life Worth Living[/url] I Have A Voice [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_0K-gPlyb0&feature=fvw]YouTube - i have a voice[/url]

Folks, let's remember that we ALL have our "preferences" when we create our families. It's a personal matter and choice and it's important to remember that.I'm not saying anyone has to support the OP's decision or agree with it. I'm saying the snide comments and borderline attacks need to stop.Women place children they feel they can't parent all the time for a variety of reasons. It's not up to us to be the judge and jury.OP, you seem to feel the need to explain and defend your decision. If you are comfortable with your decision to place, then that's all that matters. What you might take from here is that perhaps your idea or notions of what your child will be like just might not be what you think. As I would tell any expectant mother looking into an adoption plan, just be sure to do all of your research and cover every option out there.

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Sorry you think I'm mean...not my intent..but why is my question not valid? There are no guarantees in life...and knowing before birth actually makes it easier to prepare, IMHO. Being blindsided by a serious, chronic illness is not...living that one as I type. We knowingly adopted DD, who was a VERY ill little girl. We did not know if she would live through the major surgery she required...or if she would even live long enough to make it to the surgery date. But we decided to travel halfway around the world and adopt her anyway...because we felt she deserved to be loved for however long she had on this earth.[/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]How is this baby, who is living and growing inside of you for the past five months any different than, as in your example above, a six month old already born baby? Or your other children? I simply don't get your arguement...can't make it make sense in my mind. So that's why I am questioning it. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]And you are not 'in trouble'...you are pregnant with a 'wanted' and 'tried for' baby who doesn't happen to be 'perfect.'[/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]Ummm, I chose to adopt one very ill little girl and was blessed with one 'surprise' special needs child. And if we ever adopt again, luckily for babies like your newest son, I WOULD be specifically asking for a 'special needs' child. [/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]And yes, we are doing everything in our power to help our son...including giving him a drug that just yesterday had a cancer warning added to it's 'black box' warning. I am trying to make his life more comfortable, trying to eliminate as much of his pain as possible, trying to prevent permanent joint damage...not because I want him to be perfect...just able to enjoy life as a six year old little boy should. He already is perfect in my eyes...[/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]I am not mean...just honest, brutally honest, too blunt sometimes, and really, I'm just trying to wrap my head around this whole arguement. [/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]Again I do think it is your son's best interest to be adopted into a family who will love him as God created him. A family who sees him as a perfect blessing...not damaged goods. [/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]I guess I need to walk away from this...because it just bothers me...a lot. [/FONT]

Secaly -I don't believe that anyone is advocating for you to keep your child. That is a decision that only you can make. What got everyone upset was your wording. You said that your child was a curse from God. Thats a pretty strong statement. Many parents that are posting here have CHOSEN to adopt special needs children. We specifically said that we wanted the unhealthy one as opposed to the "perfect" one. My daughter has severe mental health issues that will never heal. Has living her been hard? Absolutely. The hardest thing I have ever done. Do I think choosing a child like her is for everyone? No way, I would never put anyone down for not wanting this life. Is she a curse? No and I would fight with everything I have if someone implied such a thing. So, you see, its not your choice to decide not to parent a child with DS. Special needs are just that - needs. And if a parent can't fulfill those needs then the child should be with someone that can. If you had worded it something like "I can't give this child all that he needs, do you think another family can?" or even "I am not prepared for this and don't know if I ever will be". Thats very different. Instead you called this child a curse. That struck a nerve with many of us.Most of us here would gladly take in a DS baby. So, for you to vehemently reject him, well, we don't understand.

I just want to clarify that I do NOT judge people who do not wish to adopt a child with special needs or judge the OP's choice for an adoption plan. I think my post may have come across that way and I didn't mean it to. I don't think everyone is equipped to adopt or parent special needs kids and they don't have to. I know all of us can handle different things and I know special needs adoption is not right for everyone. Everyone has their right to make a "personal" choice! (I meant to post this in my previous post - but I don't think as coherently as I should early in the morning).

i would choose the child with very many problems. we want to adopt a child with non correctible special needs, as did the adoptive family you chose apparently, and the many people on this thread. there are lots of us. i am glad you are happy with the adoptive family you chose. i am glad that they are anxiously awaiting the blessing of another child in their family. good luck to you.

This is disheartening. If there is a thread on the ap board about preferences and I as a first parent posted that I felt that any ap that would only accept a healthy, white infant with parents who didn't have XYZ in their backgrounds, I would be told I was inconsiderate and selfish. My son was born with health issues and the first couple we chose turned down the match because they didn't feel it would be fair to their first child. I felt awful because even with his problems I felt he was perfect, but how many of you would tell me that couple was well within their rights? They made that choice becauise that is what they felt was best for their family, that is what the OP is doing as well. Obviously they did not feel that a special needs child would be a blessing to their family. Maybe you don't like her words or how she feels, but just like elsewhere, she should be able to say what she needs to. I understand the fear of being older and being concerned about Downs Syndrome, my parents went through that when they conceived my brother and they would have had some tough choices to make. Mom teaches special ed and knows the challenges and knew that my other brother and I would be presented with many issues after they were gone. Remember, my parents are adoptive parents too, they know how hard it is to conceive but like many adoptive parents who now get to choose what they are willing to accept, they thought long and hard.

We were also presented with that choice. After learning of our son's heart defect, our attorney looked at us and told us that we could walk away, no questions asked. A doctor told us that too. We never for a second considered it. He was our son, heart defect and all. Like mommytoEli said, I also want to wish you luck. I'm glad you have found a family for your child.