Initializing Contact

When Kiddo was that age I used to ask about his favourite toy, how his dog was, how swimming was, his favourite colour, that kinda thing. I asked if there was anything that he liked or anything like that. Of course you know didn't get stellar responses to this stuff, but that there you go.

As an adoptive mom my advice would be to ask any question your interested in. I'm usually the one "initializing Contact", but I love it when thier birthfamilies ask questions. One of my favorite things to share with them was cute little things they would say, or how they would say it. Things that make him unique and just who he is. Things that if they aren't around all the time they might never know. For example.... my son loves to say "I gotta great deal" over anything and everything. He's the little negotiator. Wether it's trying to get out of trouble or if he's just thinking of something he wants to do. Maybe you could ask her to keep a notepad on hand and write down a couple of funny lines she hears her say. She may appreciate the idea herself, because as they are growing you start to forget all those cute little things. Things you always thought you'd remember.

I'm interested in everything! haha I'd honestly be happy knowing what she had for lunch yesterday. How potty training went/was going (Dang it! I should have asked this one!!!) What her favorite ANYTHING is. So I think I could ask a billion questions, but I almost don't know how to direct them. Like Belle, I don't think she has any animals....I don't know if she takes swimming lessons....I don't know if she takes ANY classes other than day care. It's almost like I don't know enough to ask the right questions you know?? I'll figure it out someday :)

I asked a bunch of questions but we know how that turned out. I was told that I had to be the one to start anything. I have a bunch of questions to ask but they are not answered.

I hear ya L....the few questions I asked weren't anywhere NEAR addressed, so maybe I wonder for nothing. (((hugs)))

You know TG. It confuses me because she was the one who wanted to open the adoption, but she does not answer when you email. It seems a little conflicting to me. At least it seems that way to me, it may not to you!

I got a response. VERY brief though. No update other than to say that Cupcake was "great" and "lovely." She did send two AMAZING pictures that are simply stunning though :love: But believe me, I'm as confused sometimes as the rest of you! :arrow:

Maybe that's just her personality in general. Not real open with others. Me, I could willingly share every single detail of my/my kids lives and provide pictures and video to show for it. But my daughters birthmother is the opposite. I can ask specific questions....and she will give just a brief ,vague one liner (kinda like your "great" or "lovely" response). It's something, but not nearly enough and gives you no real insight into her life. So it usually leaves you more frustrated and "wanting" than before you asked. I'd suggest writing out a paper with questions on it that she could fill out and return to you, but in my case that didn't even work for me. The question was either left blank or again very vague. Maybe, since you seem to get along better in person you can write out a list of questions you want to ask her at your next visit. You can either just bring them up casually or even just get out your list and ask them straight off the paper. Or better yet. Think of some special questions you want to ask your dd, and then ask her directly. Ask her what her favorite color is, or her favorite princess, or food etc. Get your answers straight from the source. If her mom is around it will probably help stimulate conversation as well. She might open up and share some stories or some likes or dislikes she has on her own. Maybe e-mail/letters just isn't her thing?

I feel the exact same way sometimes. It takes me so long to come up with things to ask, mostly because I don't know more than the regular generic stuff (hows school? Hows sports?) and I feel like I ask the same questions every time. However, my DD is a teen, her life for years has been pretty routine, she isn't going to make a new discovery or have a new favorite food, so I'm always at a loss. I love when her mom throws in a comment about her having a boyfriend, or a new job, because then I can go with that. Sometimes I don't write because I just can't think of anything new to ask!!! I've read your e-mails, and they sound eerily like mine, so I have no advice, just an "I hear ya!" :grouphug:

Suzie - once I get to the visits things are great. I can ask questions and she answers wonderfully...she also has given great updates in the past - including stories and Cupcake's favorite things and reading those updates is always such a joy! (Which I'm sure to let her know and reinforce how much they mean to me). I don't know....I suppose this ended up being more of a vent now that the email has gone and come back the way it did.... But thanks for the advice and to those that get it :)