Has anyone gone threw this? Can you advise?

What you describe is what usually happens. Foster care is a roller coaster ride. You can almost never know at the beginning how a case will go with the parents. The state gives the parents a case plan and the time to work the plan; whether they do it or not usually does not effect the time schedule. The state needs to show they gave the parents amble opportunity to work their plan before they TPR. Sometimes there are no straight answers. There are so many variables in foster care. As for the Grandmother, do you know if they have done a home study on her yet? Have they looked for other relatives? You want them to look soon because it would be better to do that now, than wait 12 months later and the kids go to relatives. Ask questions of your CW. Do the kids have a CASA/GAL?(Court Appointed Special Advocate/Guardian ad Liteum). It is this person's job to advocate for the children. They will generally tell you what's going on and what they are recommending. They are able to talk to the judge. Are you being informed when they go to court and/or have you spoken with the children's attorney? (If you post you questions in the Foster Parent Support forum you will probably get more responses.)

The kids have been in the system since Jan/09. They have been in four homes the one directly before us was there paternal aunt. She took them back to DSS because she didn't want them anymore and was charged with neglect for injuries the oldest child showed. There is another aunt but in the FGM she said that she couldn't take them because she has two small children of her own and two jobs. Their bmom has no family. The grandmother has had a homestudy but they have not decided whether or not they are going to approve it they are still waiting on some documentation. She really didn't raise her own children and they bparents lived with her when the abuse and neglect accured. So the kids have been in the system for 8 months now. bdad has failed to work at the treatment plan, bmom has done everything she can, but may be going to jail and just split from dad and does not have a permanent residence nor a full-time job. We have never done this before. So hearing your opinions is very nice. Thank you.

I would say, three months is not that long. We were chosen as the adoptive placement for our first two foster children at 3 months... after 7 months they went on to live with a distance, (unknown to them or CPS in the beginning) relative. So, even when you are chosen to adopt, don't count your chickens... until they hatch!That said, our daughter's foster-adoption was equally up and down... but here she is two years later :) So, it just depends and cases can go on and on, relatives can be working behind the scenes to get the kids and you may not be told about them until they are "cleared" to take the kids.The waiting is so hard, but its worth it. I hope for you that these kids are able to stay with you, but if they are not, take heart, the children you are meant to have are still out there. That has been a VERY hard lesson for us to learn in this house, as we've had three different children we were "supposed" to adopt who left our home... and the two we were TRULY supposed to adopt are still here :)

I had a 3 month old baby-girl placed with me straight from the hospital. She was born at 25 weeks and was 1.1 when she was born and 4 pounds when I picked her up from DHHR. She was on monitors (heart and breathing) and medications and was likely to be blind and MR. But, they told me she was mine free and clear. The bio-mom made threats to her and the bio-dad was MR and afraid of her. They told me she was my daughter and we laughed about her being a "fixer upper". I slept on the couch for 4 months because the heart monitor would go off in the middle of the night and I would have to stimulate her to start her heart and didn't want the alarm to wake my husband. I worked with her doing exercises shown to me by Birth-to-Three, took her to endless doctor's appointments (regular and eye doctor) and she made remarkable progress. After 4 months I was told that the biological father wanted a visit. She wasn't on monitors and medications anymore and he was no longer afraid of her. He was MR, but his parents said they would help him. So, she was going back to him.. then, she wasn't... then, she was... then, she wasn't. She was in my home over 11 months and was 14 months old...and at an MDT on a Thursday they said she would do weekend visits for a couple months and weekday (Mon-Fri) for a couple months and transition home. They picked her up on Friday THE VERY NEXT DAY at 2:30 for a weekend visit... called me at 3:30 and said there had been a hearing at 2:30 and the bio-dad's lawyer asked the judge for custody and nobody objected, so the judge said it was fine for her to stay with her bio-dad permanently and "when can we get her stuff" and we never saw her again. So, the teeny preemie now lives in a 2 bedroom trailer with 4 adults (bio-dad, his parents and his sister) who all smoke. Great idea. To make it worse, 4 months later the biological father told DHHR he would like to have the winter clothes I had set aside for her. Until all rights are terminated and the ink is dry, try... TRY to just be happy that you are making a difference in those children's lives right now and the love you give them now will carry on with them in some form forever. Don't listen to hearsay and DON'T EVER listen to "don't tell anybody I told you this, but". You and your babies are in my prayers.

WVMOMof2 - wow. My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss! When did this happen? As I was reading your description, I kept thinking to count my blessings. I KNOW my FD is going home. It's sad, but I KNOW and I'm preparing myself. I'm expecting the news at her adjudication hearing. I can't imagine what sort of hearing took place that you were not aware of that made this sort of decision out of nowhere! Now I'm worried for the future. And what if your FD were older, wouldn't it be in her best interest to say goodbye to you? How can these pencil pushers not see the big picture! Ugh, I'm so disgusted with the way they run their operation. ABJones - We were given the choice to take a straight foster placement or a fost-adopt situation, so we knew we were going to see our FD go back home when we took her. What I've heard is that since the whole foster care thing is so completely unpredictable, to only do straight adoption situations may be getting your hopes up in case they change the goal on you. And straight fostering situations also can change to adoption, so we'd be missing out on those if we didn't take that risk. Having said that, it's a lot easier said than done. I knew my FD would go home. In fact, for the first two weeks I was way over my head thinking I could never handle a baby. Unfortunately, instead of getting the sort of support most new parents get after bringing home a baby (oh, you'll get used to it, you'll adjust, give it time, you'll be fine), we got folks agreeing with us that, yep, we're just not baby people. Now in our third week with Baby V, I've grown attached to her, we've started to figure out what she needs and how to make her happy, we've learned not to try to do absolutely anything else while we have her (LOL!), and now I'm sad about her leaving... but I know it's in her best interest. At this point, I'm not sure what we'll be comfortable with in the future. Do we only want to do fost-adopt? But that's not a guarantee anyway... Do we want to give babies another try? (we agreed to do respite for babies, but probably not long term again) Now I understand what "labor of love" really means.

I just wanted to comment to day that those of you who foster ROCK! We are adoptive parents of THREE kids. Two are siblings. Their foster parents were ANGELS who worked with their workers to keep them together. I laugh to myself when they bicker & fight because I know they are really BFF and will someday realize what a great thing their foster parents did for them, considering their oldest three siblings are NOT together. Our 3rd adopted child didn't have as great of a foster family, and we actually got him earlier than expected because she lost her license in an emergency visit, but I know that her kids were good to him. He was well-adjusted and happy. She might not have been perfect, but it was better than the drug house he came from before her home. Someday I aspire to be a foster parent when my kids are all grown. I think foster parents, who foster kids, sometimes over and over, getting them again from abusive or neglectful parents are amazing. Our oldest children's foster parents had over 300 emergency foster placements before they retired from foster parenting. To take 3 siblings all of a very young age... WOW! That should definitely qualify you for sainthood or some kind of Nobel Prize. ;)

She was placed with us June 2008 and was placed with her bio-dad suddenly and permanently May 2009. She was our little pixie-sprite and we miss her dearly. Thank you for understanding.

I just wanted to say that you are an amazing woman for doing that for that little girl. I pray that her bio dad will come to his senses and give her back to you or take proper care of her! God Bless you.

If they have been in care for only 3 months, the caseworker is probably bringing up adoption a lot for their concurrent planning hearing. They have to have another permentant option for the children if bio parents cant work their plan. It doesnt necessarily mean that the case will ever come to adoption. If this is your first time going through this, its really important to know that things change often in DYFS and there is almost never a set answer to be given to you. I dont want to scare you. Just go in to it knowing anything could happen, no matter what your told, its a roller coaster ride! I hope it works out for you, I'll keep you in my prayers!!

my ds and his bro were placed with us back in 07 as respite-well that turned into 6 months-everyone was talking adoption-they had already been in 3 other homes and it had been a year since removal-anyway out of the blue the judge said since bm was "trying" to work her plan for 2 months then they were going to reunify-we were blown away-this was our first plament and we were pretty heartbroken-well they went back to bm and 5 months later she called cw and said she couldn't handle 2 boys and wanted to relinquish 1 to us- i think our ds also talked about us quite a bit and it really upset her too-anyway we finalized his adoption in october of '09-foster care is definatley a crazy ride-hang in there you never know what can happen-God has plan :)