One of those days...

Although I'm really trying to think possitively about things, I'm just having a tough time right now with the hot flashes that are coming every 15 minutes or less all day and night long. I have a fan running all the time to try to keep from sweating and soaking everything down. It's driving me crazy! I found out today that I mis-understood the medical insurance situation for myself. I was able to get the medical insurance from the union that does the ICP for me taking care of my mom. I can still put her in a home or respite care for a week every month and still have the medical insurance coverage. I won't get it until November but that's ok at least I'll get it. I will be able to get the rest of my tests taken. As it is right now the medical insurance I have has been dependant on what is brought into the house income. I'm able to get medical insurance through the job and not worry about how much I make. My husband's income and mine was too much for the Basic Health scale. I sure hope it works out. I'm just tired of the stuff I'm going through physically. The hot flashes from hell, the headaches that make me feel like my head is going to explode off my shoulders. My emotions that are out of control where I cry at the drop of a hat. Although I'm trying to let it go I keep thinking about my daughter and I keep crying. I hate crying. I know that it's because of the hormone situation that I'm getting more emotional about her and her not contacting me but it doesn't help keep me calm. However, I am thinking about things differently like I was saying before but I am still thinking too much about her these days. I love my daughter. I really do. I just wish I could stop being sad every time I see a picture of her in my stuff (I've been going through putting pictures in albums the past few weeks) or see a letter I saved of hers. Or cards she sent me. I should get rid of all that stuff but I can't. I don't know why. I sure hope someday I can get past this. I think it's going to take awhile if this menapause lasts too long. It's been going on for awhile I guess or the PRE menapause or whatever they call it. I just know I'm in full forse of it now. I hate it. :( Rylee