so alone

i feel so so alone in this world. i lost my boyfriend because of my issues of being adopted. and he still was helping me through it when i first recognised my issue. and i thought maybe there is a glimpse of hope that he would return to me. but today for the last time, he told me he cant be with me because of the issues i had and the things i put him through while we were going out. and i have absolutely no one right now. i was never close to my adopted family, and i left home. my own adopted mother despise me. this is my story actually: i was adopted by a nurse who was looking after my birth mom while she was in hospital after giving birth to me. for some reason she wanted to put me up for adoption and my amom wanted me. she was single then and very young. then after having me for 3 months, she realised she couldnt take care of me and lef tme with her aunt, whom i called grandma, and i grew up with my 'grandma' and her husband and 2 daughters. i was treated very well, given everything i could ever ask for. but it never stop making me feel strange and different. then when i was 22, my grandma passed away, and it was the strangest time in my life. i suddenly felt so weird being at home and that i felt ive lost all my connection in that family. so i applied for a scholarship to study medicine and left home. never gone back since. and that was 4 years ago. i have never contacted home, my amom was horrible to me while i was growing up, so i never had a relaitonship with her, and the only closeness i get is from my relationship with my boyfriends, but that never work cause i never knew why i always had insecurity problem with them. until my last boyfriend who made me realise my problem with being adopted. and now he has closed the door on me, the very person whom i actually really loved. so with the fact that ive recognised my issues, lost him, i feel like im the only person standing in this world...:(