Did You Ever Wish You Were Adopted When You Were a Kid?

When I was a child, I often wished that I had been adopted. And sometimes, I wonder if this wish of mine came into play when I decided to surrender my son to adoption. My two best friends in childhood were both adopted as newborns by the same family. Julie and Terri were only five months apart in age, something that's referred to as being "virtual twins" in today's adoption world. Their parents were truly amazing. They were the type of people who provided refuge for every troubled teenager in the neighborhood. They gave all of us a lot of love and support, as well as a safe place to hang out. Secretly in my heart, I considered them to be my spiritual parents. This relationship continued for many, many years, up until the day about 8 years ago that we finally buried Mrs. Mac. (Mr. Mac died about 20 years ago.) I remember envying Julie and Terri when we were kids. Although Mr. and Mrs. Mac were not perfect, they loved those girls in a way I had never experienced...they loved them unconditionally. When I became pregnant at 16, the McPherson family enveloped me with their love. Mr. and Mrs. Mac never mentioned the word adoption until the day I told them that I was considering relinquishing my baby. I remember it was around Christmas that I made the decision...I was seven months along in my pregnancy. I remember Mrs. Mac giving me the biggest hug you can imagine and telling me that no matter what I decided to do, she would always love me and welcome me into her home. I was invited to a huge family Christmas dinner that year. And that was the first time I encountered an older adult's opinion about what type of girl or woman gives her baby up for adoption. Julie and Terri's great-aunt was horrified that day when Mrs. Mac told her that I was placing my baby for adoption. I've blocked out much of what she actually said...but I remember the look on both Julie's and Terri's faces. I wondered at that moment if they were thinking of their birth mothers, and if they were, did they think their birth mothers were horrible, selfish women? I remember Mrs. Mac swooping in like a mighty warrior in battle, coming to my defense. I was so confused at the time about the great-aunt's judgmental attitude and the venomous things she was saying. I just couldn't understand the hateful things I was hearing. I wanted so badly to keep my baby and to raise him...but I couldn't figure out how to do it, not without any emotional support from my own family. Which brings me back to my original train of thought. A year before I became pregnant, I got into a huge argument with my mother. During the argument, I asked her why she didn't just give me up for adoption when I was born. She had gotten pregnant at 16, married my father, and delivered me at 17. She never once missed the chance to tell me how I had ruined her life and her dreams of becoming a concert pianist. When my parents split up when I was little, she often threatened to put me into an orphanage...so I was familiar with the concept of adoption from the time I was 4. When I asked my mom when we were arguing why she hadn't just relinquished me, she stopped dead in her tracks, saying that she could never have done that...I was her baby, and I would understand what she meant when I had my own baby. I went to my bedroom and swore to myself that I would never, ever treat any child of mine the way I was being treated. One year later, I conceived my own child...and the words I had spoken to my mom came back to haunt me. "If you really loved me, you would have given me up for adoption." "If you had really loved me...." Those were the words I kept thinking about while my son was turning somersaults inside me. I kept looking at the outline of his tiny foot pushing thru my abdomen and hearing my own words, "If you had really loved me..." So I'm curious... Did any of you ever wish you had been adopted when you were a kid? Do you think that wish might have come into play with your relinquishment decision?