First trip to Russia to ask older child if they want to be adopted

We hosted a 10 year old from Russia this summer and we were hoping to adopt him. While he was here we were told not to discuss adoption with him or ask him any questions about his birth family and so we didn't. The adoption agency told us to wait 2 weeks after he went back to Russia to make our decision. And when we were 100% sure we wanted to adopt him they would ask him in the orphanage. When we were 100% sure and told them we wanted to adopt him we were than told that we would have to wait and do it on our first trip to Russia. In order to go on the first of two trips to Russia there is the adopion agencies fees and Russian fees. A VERY expensive trip in case he says no. We were also told that we could not recieve any personal info on him until our first trip to Russia. In the meantime we found out about a private group in Moscow that goes to his orphanage once a month to give the children some attention. They kind of asked this little boy if he wanted to live with us in America and he said he does but he is not sure since his mother has come to visit him a couple of times in the last 3 years in which he has been there. She has no parental rights. Has any one else experienced such a dilema? Can you go to Russia without paying all those fees and ask him? Would that count as your first trip to Russia? I know the Orphanage director as she stayed with me 4 days during their 2 week trip. When I have asked her on the phone if the little boy wants to be adopted she tells me to come and ask him myself. She speaks no English and I speak no Russian. This seems like an odd way of doing things. I hope someone has some suggestions!!