Advertisements
I am 48 years old and was raised as an only child by my mother and stepfather. I was the product of my mother’s first marriage. They went their separate ways back in 1961 and I never met my real father (Dick), a fact that never really bothered as my mother and I were extremely close all her life. She passed far too soon in 2000 from cancer. My step father and I have always had a difficult relationship. We are polar opposites in pretty much every way. He legally adopted me when I was a teenager and since my mother’s passing we have worked at maintaining a relationship, but the truth is that I am never comfortable around him. I have 2 sons who love the only grandfather they have ever known, but they are not all that close to him either. About a month ago I found out that that Dick was not my real father! My real father was a man that my mother had had an affair with while she was married to Dick. This information was a bit shocking, but after digesting it for a few days I decided that it really didn’t matter since I did not know either of these mystery fathers. To make a long story short I found out that my real birth father (Harry) was searching for me! Well, Harry found me 2 weeks ago via the internet. I had no idea that he even knew about me. We have exchanged several e-mails and plan to speak on the phone..I can only assume that meeting is only a few steps away. Of course, I have a thousand questions. The most sensitive of which is one of race. I am white; I was raised white in a white neighborhood. Harry is Latino, has a Latino wife and 3 Latino daughters! I am nervous on so many levels. Not only do I have what I can assume are the usual adoptee contact jitters and questions, but also trying to fit in and understand a culture that I do not. How can I possibly relate? I hope that I can. I am open to all this is bringing me, but I am wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and/or advice.:thanks:
Like
Share
It's difficult to relate to a different culture since you have not lived it. But it is very easy to acclimate into a new culture. I spent some time in South America a couple of years ago. For a week or so the other English speaking people were either back here in the states or off attending to their own affairs which left me with a group of Ecuadorians who are to this day close friends. I was involved in a lot of what was going on in their day to day lives and sure they did things differently and had differing opinions and values, but they were still people.
Relax and don't get flustered about it and you'll really enjoy the experience.
Advertisements
When people come from a place of love and sincerity, race, religion and culture really do not matter. As many are saying these days...we ALL should focus on our similarities...not our differences. We are all God's children. You may actually come to embrace facets of your heretofore unknown cultural roots. I'll bet there is some good food involved :) I'll be thinking of you and hope that all goes well for you.
Prayers & Blessings,
NanieB
JamieLeight,I agree about the importance of us all, as human beings, focusing on the similarities of us all regardless of race, religion, culture, etc; and approach life with love and sincerity. However, I also recognise that race and culture can and do often play into the cross-cultural identity issues for all multi-cultural adoption triangle people. And the challenges of bridging cross-cultural boundaries can be tricky as all kinds of interpretations and misunderstandings can surface. While I recognise that you identify yourself as Caucasian, since your b-father and his family are Latino, they may view you and interact with you through a very different set of values. In other words, not only do you face the challenge of adoption reunion in general, but also the cross-cultural aspects. As a starter, I recommend that you read up on 1) adoption reunion in general (there are many books listed in adoption.com2) cross-cultural adoption [URL="http://www.icasn.org/resources.html"]RESOURCES[/URL] (ICASN has a few resources regarding Colombia, Argentina and Chile as well as links to a Latin American adoptee e-group) 3) Latino culture, eg. the "Culture Shock!" book series is very useful - they have editions for various countries, I used it to learn about Taiwanese culture before I headed to Taiwan. Or maybe just search online about intro to Latino culture stuff. Above all, I do recommend that you take it slow in doing the reunion thing - as many reuniting/reunited adoption people can confirm, go only as fast as the slowest person in the bunch. You have a lot of stuff to adjust to all of a sudden, so take it slow. Even seasoned diplomats in the foreign service need time to adjust to new inter-cultural postings! :woohoo: All the best to you,Ripples
Just a quick anecdote from my time in Ecuador.
While there I became friends with the housekeeping and other of the lower class staff. Most of the gringos hung out with the guards and security types. It was a treasure salvage operation so security was tight for obvious reasons but that is another story. Anyway hanging out with the people in the lower end of the pecking order endeared me to them and made me part of their inner circle of friends. Bertha, one of the cooks, and I became good friends. One afternoon while I was there she invited me to some kind of event. Having only a couple of people around who spoke only fragments of English I was informed that it was a celebration.
The people putting on the "celebration" had fences put up on the street and a stage built. I still had no idea of what was being celebrated. So that evening we left the compound and went to the celebration. When we got there it looked like it was a wedding. So that is how I took it. Then I saw a big heart over the table of honor with a "15" in the middle. I then assumed it was an anniversary. I admit that I am slow to pick up on things but it took me a good 20 minutes to figure out that it was a girls 15th birthday party. A quinceanera as it is called in latino cultures. In appreciation for attending the girl came around and gave out packs of quinceanera cigarettes. I still have one at home. There is a picture of a princess looking girl on the front and it says "15 Anos". It was major culture shock but it was also one of the most memorable times of my life.
As I said before. Take it in and relish in the differences. My wife and I watch foreign films all of the time because the cultures of other countries makes them so interesting.
I just had to tell that story again. And the quinceanera lasted until 8:00 the next morning, It was quite a shindig.