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I live in Texas. Through a friend of a friend I was introduced to a family who was considering adoption. The pregnant girl had just turned 15 years old when I met her. I met her mom as well. They had gone to the abortion clinic to get an abortion, however were turned away because the girl was already 7+ months along. This family reached out to someone I know, who in turn reached out to me. I met with the family at their house to get an idea of what they were wanting. 1.) They said that they could not keep the baby because it was "taboo". 2.) I explained what open and closed adoption was - they chose closed 3.) The bio mom said she had no idea who the father was. 4.) They wanted this to be a private adoption. They looked into a "home" where the teen girl could live until the baby was born then at that time the baby would be placed for adoption. They chose not to use this service because they needed more privacy. So I hired my attorney...got the case opened and once the baby was born he came home with me. All legal documents were signed up to this point. Two months later, the birth family hired an attorney and took me to trial requesting they get the baby back. He is now 9 months old and this case is still going. The birthmom finally told the judge who the birthfather was. He is 3years older than the birthmom. He is now fighting me too. A new Social worker has been appointed to the case. Once she compeltes her report, we will all go to court again for our final trial, at which time they will say who the baby lives with. The baby has not seen the b-family since he was 2 days old. There are so many other things in this case that I cant put here now, but has anyone been in a situation like this? I have been asked to bring the baby to a meeting to include all parties this week. Does this mean that the social worker has already decided on the birthfamily and this visitation is only a means to "re-unite" them in some way? I'm so afraid...not only for losing my child, but for my child's safety as well. I have an attorney...I'm looking for someone who can give me any input or advice..anything you can share with me if you or someone you know has experienced this as well. Thank you.
~unsure
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I would really like to know how this has progressed. I hate hearing stories like this, it pains my heart to see people try to rip children from the only mothers they know. I can't imagine the horror she must feel at even the prospect of losing her son. These people were trying to ABORT him!!! WTH?? I just pray she will be keeping her son.
UPDATE: I cant go into a lot of detail, but I can say that so far its going okay. I ended up having to take the baby to the visitation/observation afterall. This was the first time my child saw the bio family (at 8m old). I was not allowed to be present, but the social worker stayed in the room with them the entire time. I was in a room in the building. I could hear how uncomfortable the visit was for the baby and it broke my heart. The social worker has completed the social study. HE suggests that my baby stay with me..This is great news. I know the bio-family will not agree so we will be going to trial very soon again. I have a feeling this isnt over, but at least this round is in our favor. I will fight to no end for my child. There are so many dark shadows to this case that I cant mention here right now, but my baby is almost a year old now. This child knows I am mom and safety, happiness, and love is defenite in my family. I will keep this posted and updated.
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Keep us updated, I truly hope that for all involved this child stays with you. As to him being the father I woudl request the courts to have DNA done to ensure he is the father before he can contest your guardian ship as the girl said she didnt know who the father was. Also the family showed they did not want the child before things were tough because it was "taboo" I hope the courts look at that and ask them when the child gets older and things get rough are they goign to abandon her because she was taboo and things not working out how they want.....
good luck again Hope you win this quickly and that they are no loner able to cause you distress in your or your childs life
Unsure2009
UPDATE: I cant go into a lot of detail, but I can say that so far its going okay. I ended up having to take the baby to the visitation/observation afterall. This was the first time my child saw the bio family (at 8m old). I was not allowed to be present, but the social worker stayed in the room with them the entire time. I was in a room in the building. I could hear how uncomfortable the visit was for the baby and it broke my heart. The social worker has completed the social study. HE suggests that my baby stay with me..This is great news. I know the bio-family will not agree so we will be going to trial very soon again. I have a feeling this isnt over, but at least this round is in our favor. I will fight to no end for my child. There are so many dark shadows to this case that I cant mention here right now, but my baby is almost a year old now. This child knows I am mom and safety, happiness, and love is defenite in my family. I will keep this posted and updated.
Unsure 2009...Hang in there! My son just turned 11, and fought a 3 year battle to keep my son and finalize his adoption when he was an infant. It was the hardest battle I ever fought.
There were days when I thought I would not make it, but I just hung in and kept fighting. I would tell people it was like being strapped on a roller coaster in pitch black darkness. Never knowing where the next curve or drop was!
I was thinking in Texas that a father had to register with the birth father registry within 30 days of a child's birth to have standing, did this guy do that? Have DNA test been done?
Please feel free to PM me, I would be happy to lend any support that I can.
Again hang in there, you will be in my thoughts and prayers!
Now, I also have done some digging. According to Texas law, the Putative father registry is also in affect and here is what it says...
Statute: Fam. Code ǧ160.402(a); 160.312
The putative father may file before the child's birth, but no later than the 31st day after the child's birth.
Registration requires a completed Bureau of Vital Statistics form, signed and acknowledged by the putative father.
Now, the really interesting thing that sticks out in my head is the fact that biomom "just turned 15 and was 7-months pregnant". The age of legal consent in Texas is 17, so anyone 16 or younger, it is illegal to have sex, as they are a minor. Looking at the facts with the biomom actually being 14 and pregnant, the biodad "being 3-years older" was 17 or 18. Either way this is staturory rape. The biodad could be in some VERY serious, legal trouble over a DNA test proving he's the father.
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I'm a bit "taken abback" by the post that is asking this adoptive mother to consider the biological family in all of this. They were going to abort a child at 7 mos. along and they searched for a solution to their situation. It's not like the adoptive mother took a child away from them or forced them to place a child. Now this child is nearly a year old, knows exactly who his mother is. We also had a contested adoption with our daughter when she was 5 mos. old. If you've never had to consider, in your own mind, what it would feel like to hand your child over to someone else after you have parented that child for months or even years, you cannot possibly know the pain that still lingers, years later, even after the court has said that your child should stay in your home. The emotional damage it caused to this family can never be forgotten. We did everything the right way, asked upfront for an open adoption, always considered the "first mother" to be the parent until all of the paperwork was signed, etc. I wish the OP peace in her life at this point in time. I can only hope that an end is near to the uncertainty and pain she must be feeling every single day.
Wow...I fought for my baby in and out of court for 18 months!..and finally...decision made...my baby stays with me. Thank God! Thank you all for your kind messages....This case has truly humbled me. I have decided to remain in contact with selected biological family members as well. If you're fighting, and you did nothing wrong by a legal process of adoption, dont stop fighting...you have a chance. God bless you all.
No Longer UNSURE.
"I'm a bit "taken abback" by the post that is asking this adoptive mother to consider the biological family in all of this. They were going to abort a child at 7 mos. along and they searched for a solution to their situation. It's not like the adoptive mother took a child away from them or forced them to place a child. Now this child is nearly a year old, knows exactly who his mother is. We also had a contested adoption with our daughter when she was 5 mos. old. If you've never had to consider, in your own mind, what it would feel like to hand your child over to someone else after you have parented that child for months or even years, you cannot possibly know the pain that still lingers, years later, even after the court has said that your child should stay in your home. The emotional damage it caused to this family can never be forgotten. We did everything the right way, asked upfront for an open adoption, always considered the "first mother" to be the parent until all of the paperwork was signed, etc."
I am a foster parent. I have handed a child back that I loved and thought would stay forever. I know that pain. I also know that we should always think of our children's best interest before our own pain/suffering. It is a child's best interest to have some contact/knowledge of his/her birthfamily, even if that birthfamily may have caused pain/suffering to the child (which this one did not). Studies show this to be true. I think offering the family an open adoption is not only appropriate but shows the mother's true love for her child above her own feelings of hurt and distrust, I commend her for that.
[QUOTE=mommy2fiveplus]"I'm a bit "taken abback" by the post that is asking this adoptive mother to consider the biological family in all of this. They were going to abort a child at 7 mos. along and they searched for a solution to their situation. It's not like the adoptive mother took a child away from them or forced them to place a child.
I agree. An abortion would have been FINAL, no option to see the baby again or have a relationship. It's awful that people can put A-Parents through this...I know I'm super late on this entire thread, but to read that she had to let her baby in a room with strangers without her?!... there really needs to be more protective laws for A-Parents!
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