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We are seeking to adopt an older child from the foster care system. Our homestudy was completed July 27. We are not licensed to foster. We haven't ruled that path out, but want to try straight adoption first.
We have inquired about over 50 children across the country. Most we never heard back on. We are one of five families being considered for a ten-year-old girl in our state (Florida). The match meeting is in December.
For those of you that have adopted an older child, how long did it take? What was the process?
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Matching meeting is still on for tomorrow morning. I am now back to being the only family being considered (they added two others for a time) and there will be a big group of workers there to hash it all out. They will hopefully make a decision tomorrow and my sw will hopefully let me know at some point tomorrow. :woohoo:
So long story short, the answer is no. With all the people that showed up today to discuss the child, none of them had got together before hand. The Foster parent and Psychiatrist were also there and without giving you all the details he is not only not eligible for adoption at this time (behavioral issues) but they felt (and after my sw telling me all I agree) that it would be beyond too much for me to have him placed with me. He has major MAJOR emotional and behavioral problems and when my sw asked them if any of them had told me about these issues they hemmed and hawed and said that they had told me what they knew at the time. She again asked them had they told me about these issues and they admitted that had not. Not one of them had met either the foster parent or the psychiatrist before this morning.
It will happen with the right child, when the time is right. Yes I'm bummed, but I'm also relieved that a decision was at least made today. I feel good about the fact that I was an advocate for him when no one else had the ability to step up to the plate for him and that at least now they are all talking about how to help him. I'm angry that they took me for granted, and incensed that they let this go on for four months without even talking to his fp. I'm really angry that it took me nagging them for four months before they could all get together and find out what's what with him and hope that now he will get the help and resources that he deserves. I just hope and pray that they don't drop the ball with him again.
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ROBYN - first of all, im sorry that the meeting didnt go like you wanted it to . But like you said, all things happen for a reason. Your child is waiting for you... like mine. I see that its taking a bit longer for us to match because i need to experience and know exactly what our family needs to be. I dont want just any child, i want the child that is suppose to be with us. FX that your wait, like mine, is short but meaningful. (( hugs))
Robyn, I'm so sorry it didn't work out. Even if he never knows it, you did so much good for him though. Hopefully he'll start getting the services needed so he can move towards adoption.
The match meeting for the little girl in our state that we met in October was Wednesday (while we were on a cruise). We found out yesterday that we were not chosen.
We were also considered for a little girl in Texas on the 24th, but haven't heard back yet.
Really starting to think about trying the foster route. Florida doesnt' do "foster to adopt", so if you foster the goal is always reunification with the birth family. Still, sometimes that doesn't work out and the foster family gets to adopt. I know that comes with a whole new set of emotional hardships, but this waiting to be matched is really wearing me down.
Robinyes,
I'm sorry. The frustration is that you could have known these things four months ago. I really don't get how come they don't appreciate that they are wasting ur time and making children linger in care. I'm glad you handled it OK. Your child is waiting, but hopefully they will get him or her to you without too much delay.
Leahcar,
I'm sorry about yours too. I hope you hear something positive about your other one.
GRRRRRR....so frustrating.
Leahcar,
On the upside I'm hopeful that you had a wonderful relaxing vacation; I'm so sorry that the match didn't happen for you however I too know that your child is out there, and that we just have to wait for the perfect timing for everything to come together. You really just have to do what is most comfortable for you. I cannot regret hanging in there for those four months- had I not, that child would still not have had the workers finally communicate about his situation. So it may be that fostering a particular child is the path that you end up having to take to get where you need to go. (sorry to sound so airy fairy about this) but really you just need to do what you feel is best for you. That is the lesson that I really learned for me in all this.
Chloroxis,
In my situation it was VERY frustrating as I was contacting the agency once a week, asking for updates on the matching meeting, asking for updates on the child, asking for any kind of communication I could get. In the end (and hindsight tells me I should have known from the first month) the agency did not have satisfactory communication about this child at all. It wasn't until the actual matching meeting that they spoke with his fp and psych about his needs.
Yes it was very disappointing to me to have gone though four months of working with them only to find out at the last possible moment that he was not able to be matched with anyone; but what was more disappointing (and disappointing doesn't even come close) is the resources that child has been missing out on for four months because no one was able to communicate even to the point of talking with the fp about him.
I really am hopeful that now he will get the help he so desperately needs. I don't regret the four months spent- at least I know that I made a difference and that even if it isn't the outcome that I hoped it would be, that is enough.
On another note, my sw sent me to another child event this weekend, and while I'll say I'm cautiously optimistic, I will wait on excitement at this time. Yes I met a child I'm interested in, and I'm at that 'we'll see' fork in the road, but will let you guys know as soon as I know something. :)
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Isn't it ridiculous! There are SO many children out there up for adoption. Everything takes too long, and sometimes it seems that adopting out these children is not the first priority of the states. Sometimes the whole process drives me crazy. We also inquired about tons of kids, and never got an answer. Maybe we need to get upset and write to OBAMA and let him know that the National System is just not working hard enough to get these kids a home. Anybody else feel the same way?
leahcar
I don't know why the match meeting is so far. We've had a horrible time getting the case worker to communicate with us.
We were told we were being considered as a possible match the first week of October and that the case worker and guardian ad litem would be calling us. The GAL called right away (more than once), but the case worker didn't call for over three weeks, despite us leaving messages for him and emailing him (which he did not respond to). He left a message for us last Thursday (first time), but was not available when we called back Thurs and Friday.
We finally met him at a matching event we had been invited to (all the kids available were there, along with tons of prospective parents). He had a meeting with the five families being considered at the event. All of us together. Awkward!!! At this point, all we knew about the child is that she likes purple (the GAL couldn't give details until we spoke to the case worker). He hadn't talked to the other families yet either. That's when he announced a decision would be made in December and that's the last we've heard from him, despite us sending an email to follow up.
Isn't it ridiculous! There are SO many children out there up for adoption. Everything takes too long, and sometimes it seems that adopting out these children is not the first priority of the states. Sometimes the whole process drives me crazy. We also inquired about tons of kids, and never got an answer. Maybe we need to get upset and write to OBAMA and let him know that the National System is just not working hard enough to get these kids a home. Anybody else feel the same way?
leahcar
I don't know why the match meeting is so far. We've had a horrible time getting the case worker to communicate with us.
We were told we were being considered as a possible match the first week of October and that the case worker and guardian ad litem would be calling us. The GAL called right away (more than once), but the case worker didn't call for over three weeks, despite us leaving messages for him and emailing him (which he did not respond to). He left a message for us last Thursday (first time), but was not available when we called back Thurs and Friday.
We finally met him at a matching event we had been invited to (all the kids available were there, along with tons of prospective parents). He had a meeting with the five families being considered at the event. All of us together. Awkward!!! At this point, all we knew about the child is that she likes purple (the GAL couldn't give details until we spoke to the case worker). He hadn't talked to the other families yet either. That's when he announced a decision would be made in December and that's the last we've heard from him, despite us sending an email to follow up.
I posted this on the general adoptive parents forum, but am posting here to be sure you ladies see it!
We were presented at a match staffing on Nov. 24 for a little girl in Texas (we're in Florida) and never heard back. Our caseworker left several voicemails that weren't returned.
Wednesday (over 3 weeks after the match staffing) our caseworker forwarded us an email from the Texas workers asking her to let them know if we would like to proceed. The email had been floating around between different works in Texas and then our caseworker since December 1. We finally got it on December 16.
It included about 30 pages of info on the child. We read it carefully and said yes!!!
This morning we got another batch of documents emailed to initial and sign.
Looks like we're matched?!?! We still haven't heard those words or had any communication directly with Texas, but that sure is the way it seems, right?!
She just turned 9 and is in the third grade. We have no idea what comes next in the process, but are super excited!
Our homestudy was approved July 29 and I've been extremely aggressive in searching and inquiring nationwide. I've probably inquired about close to 200 children.
She was our second match staffing. We actually had two more after her.
leah - thats wonderful! I got the call ( email actually) that we were picked as the family for 8 yr old twin boys last week! Im just so excited but at the same time wonder what comes next. From what our adopt. worker said, is the state where the boys are, will be sending all of their docs, legal records, etc to my agency. Once we have reviewed everything and are committed to move forward, i would assume we would start some type of visitation. Right now they said it would take about 2 weeks to get all the info to my agency so im on week 1 right now... but what a xmas present, this is, it is all i wanted ....its been a year, waiting for a call, and now here it is!
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NC - I think I saw in another post that your little guys are in Texas? Our girl is in Texas, too! (We're in FL.)
We received several documents of information (about 50 pages in all) about her. Some of which we had to sign and send back.
Today our agency sent Texas our backgroud clearances and some other stuff.
We've been told that everything goes to the adoption supervisor for final approval now. Once it's signed off on, they set up contact. We were told it would take a month or less for that to happen.
Hope that helps! Let me know if you find out anything differently!
Where are your guys? My girl is in San Antonio area.
mine are in Arlington. I talked with my agency yesterday, they said that once we get all the docs and are prepared to move forward ( we can still say no after reading all docs - somehow i dont see that happening...) we will let them know. At that point my agency and SW in TX will begin the interstate paperwork. She said this takes about a month. Once it has been approved that will set up visitations and work on moving the boys to NC. So it sounds like they are telling us about the same thing. Please keep me posted on you and i will as well! Merry Christmas everyone!