I'm a pregnant mess in need of advice...

Amy, I am sorry that you are in this situation. I just wanted to let you know that many of us might have advise for you... but I think it is your choice. I know that your hear aches and is heavy. Your mind is cloudy and everything looks dark. Regardless of your decision, you will need time to heal. I sense that your religious life is very important! It is your choice. Big hug from Missouri, Velia

Hello please please do not have an abortion. There are so many people out there that can not conceive their own children. I know b/c my husband and I are not able to conceive our own children. If this child is not a blessing to you right now please allow him or her to be a blessing to someone else.

follow your heart and do some very serious soul searching if you have thoughts second thoughts on abortion then dont do it some emotions stay with a young person for a very long time thats called being a humane being and having a heart!! make the right and most honest decsion!!!

I share your fear and sadness. Been where you've been and more. I'm proud of you for not giving in to the pressure of getting an abortion. I would encourage you to seek out counseling and help through one of the many, many crisis pregancy centers found in any state. There is also the option of an unwed mother's home if you have no where to go. There are always loving folks out there willing to help. I have aborted, I have placed for adoption, I have lost a child, and I have and am a single mother, so I would never push one way or the other. But I can say one thing....having a child is the most powerful and amazing experience, it is a blessing. Whether you choose to parent yourself or allow someone else to parent your child, you are being a responsible parent. Giving life to a human being is the greatest blessing in the world. Here to listen and help. Just ask. :-) smile...this is a valley of many you will experience in life. Life is tough, but God is always good!

First I would like to commend you for taking the time to ask for help from others and for being so thoughtful about this important decision. I believe I can offer you a unique insight on this because I am someone who has had an abortion and also someone whom has adopted a child.At the age of 16 I had an abortion (no one in my family knows to this very day). It was the most heartbreakingly difficult decision I have ever made. I thought I had to do it because I didn't think I would have support from my family and at that age I had no means to do it on my own. Looking back I wonder though that maybe my family would have done right by me and helped (I realize as I get older I haven’t given them as much credit as they deserve). When you’re young, scared and in that situation (feeling like a ticking time bomb) it is hard to look at things clearly. So please take some time, as much as possible and really think things through (and look at ALL of your options). Even after all these years I still struggle with remorse, guilt, shame, pain, etc. I realize however that it is what it is and I can't change things.Many years later after being married for several years to my wonderful husband I found it difficult to conceive (this is not the same man whom I got pregnant with at such an early age). After years of trying without success we decided to look into adoption to start a family. Truly, I felt very guilty because my husband wanted a little one so badly (as did I) but my body wasn’t the same anymore and I was unable to conceive. I also thought it could be my punishment from God for what I have done, but I realize now He is not vengeful, instead he had a different plan for me – to be my child’s mother. Long story short after some soul searching, prayer and love we are proud parents of a wonderful adopted child and have been for several years now.I can’t begin to tell you how happy we are as a family and that is partially because of our child’s birth mother. Although we thought about having a closed adoption, she has become someone we sought a relationship after meeting her. She is an amazing lady and such a gift to us. When I saw the courage our child’s birth mother has had, the grace, the love, I truly regretted for the first time that I didn’t have the same qualities earlier to make a different decision all those years ago.To be honest, other than my husband and one close friend I have never told any of this before today. But when I read your post I just felt I had to let you know my experience. I wanted to tell you that you are much stronger than you probably give yourself credit for, you’re probably loved and supported more than you will ever know too. Adoption is such a wonderful gift, if you can find it in your heart I would recommend you seriously considering this option – I wish I would have.My prayers and thoughts are with you!Seek the Lord, He will comfort and guide you.

Hello- I know you are scared with so much going on, but let me tell you do not get involved with an agency that you will beholden to from the beginning. First of all do not make any rash decisions at this moment. The scariness will pass, and making a decision in the heat of the moment can make things so much worse. I have been in your shoes pregnant at 20 i thought oh my goodness my life is over. Your life is not over, today my 20 yo son whom i did not place, is in college and i have a good life. You do have an option to parent besides the other two. You need to go to your local county offices for Health and Human Services, get all the facts and information so that you make an informed decision not one bases on the high levels of emotion you are dealing with at the moment. Believe me you will regret making a snap decision, and you want to make sure whatever decision it is the right one for you, not your family, not an adoption agency or attorney not even a prospective family but you. As after all those people are gone, you still have to live with you. Adoption in California is not a state i would recommend to anyone. Why because original birth certificates cannot be accessed by adoptees ever. They don't get to know their health history or anything so if you care about your child at all, should you decide to place, the adoption needs to happen in a state where adoptees are treated like human beings. One last thing you talked about needing a place to be, rent ect... even in this economy to a point you can still work and find a job, there are places that will help with that, there are places that can also help with housing that don't require you to make a decision to place your child even before he or she is born. Right now you are running on hormones of all kinds, pregnancy and stress. Take some time out and take a deep breath or two. Step away from such a decision till you can make a decision that is not based on fear or stress. Take care and having also been a natural mother too, I can help. Brandy

I can only hope and pray you are feeling better today. I as an adult adoptee can only respond from my own experience as the child who's own mother agonized over the same one you do today. The only difference was it 51 yrs ago for her and today you have more options then she did. She was only given 1 choice, adoption as society as a whole was much harsher.Can I speak for your child, as an adoptee. Adoption is a crap shoot. The odds of a happy ending are worse for a happy ending for the adoptee then if you chose to parent. Adoption is no guarantee for a happy life. I personally would have rather slept in a cardboard box or the backseat of a car with my 1st Mother then the beautiful bedroom full of every toy a child could dream of that my adoptive parents provided for me. I would have been happier in jeans or sweats then I ever was in the pretty frocks my adoptive Mother bought for me.I used to dream of attending public school in my hometown while sitting at my desk at the fancy boarding school I was sent to. Adoption just like abortion is a solution for a temporary problem. Your situation could change tomorrow but if you aborted your child or signed relinquishment papers today it would be to late as you cannot un-ring the bell. Open adoption is no picnic either as so many have gone that route can tell you, most adoptive parents will promise you the moon but in the end give you nothing but silence.They will hold all the cards and the promises they make have no legal binding at all. As soon as you sign away your rights and hand them your child they can run home, pack it up, and move to the other end of the world, leaving you with no legal recourse to stop them or force them to comply.You may come to trust them and really believe they love and trust you too, but remember this, if not for the baby you carry and their want to have it for their own, you would not even travel on the same side of the road. They may treat you like a queen at first and until your child is born, but as soon as that paper is signed, you become the enemy. A threat to their new little family and a reminder of what they were unable to obtain on their own. Times are hard right now but chances are the sun will shine again, your life will get softer, and your child will be happier by your side through it all.Take it from an adoptee, a Mother's love cannot be replaced with toys, baubles and coins.

As an adoptive mom, I am so very sorry to hear that this has been your experience and that you feel it is representative of all adoptive parents. I just had to share that it is not always the case. Our son's adoption is closed, not because we feel threatened or like his first mom is the enemy, but because his FIRST MOM chose to have it that way. I ask our agency all of the time if they have heard from her, if she might want contact now, if she would be willing to send our son a picture of her, etc. I would love nothing more than to meet with her and have a relationship with her. I also have to say that she is not at all a "reminder of what we were unable to obtain on our own". We could have given birth to biological children with a little fertility assistance, but we felt that our child didn't have to be biologically related to us, so we didn't. Please, please, please, don't judge all of us adoptive parents based on your situation. My child is the light of my life and will never be sent away to boarding school. I spend every minute that I can with him. He is loved so very, very much by his adoptive mom. Can it ever replace his first mom? Of course not, and I'm not trying to. But, he DOES know a mother's love and will ALWAYS know that I love him.

I placed a son for adoption 18 years ago. I also adopted a son 1 year ago. I wanted an open adoption for my son. His birthmother chose a closed adoption. I was heartsick over it. I sent her a letter with 10 to 15 pictures evry month to the agency in hopes that she would change her mind. She eventually contacted me when my son was 8 months old and said she would like pictures. I was overjoyed to hear from her. I put her in touch with the agency so she could get the packets that they were saving for her and I now send her an email with pictures at least twice a month. She knows that she can contact me at any time but so far she has chosen not to. I haven't heard from her since July. Don't let anyone scare you with the specter of evil adoptive parents who promise you the moon and then disappear once they get the baby. I'm not saying that has never happened but I think it is rare. If you choose adoption you can find loving and honest people like myself and Amber76 who would be honored to keep an open adoption with you. I know this is a difficult decision because I had to make it 18 years ago. I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you make for you and your baby.

I too want to chime in as an adoptive mom with a very open adoption with my son's first mom. My son is 3 years old and we continue to have phones calls, email communication and frequent visits (about once a month) with his birth family. Open adoption is not a band-aid and it will not take the pain of relinquishing away. It can even intensify the pain because you have to watch another family raise your child. But it is not always about broken promises and people saying whatever you want to hear just to get your baby. We treasure our relationship with our son's family because it is part of who he is. His first mom and I have even done things together without "our" son a few times because we are so close. If you are interested in open adoption, you should look into signing an agreement (which is not legally binding in many states) and making sure that the adopting couple has been counseled about open adoption. You could also chose a couple who is already parenting a child in an open adoption and ask for a reference from the first parent to make sure they have complied with the agreement. Above all, you should look at every option to parent your child and not allow anyone to pressure you into choosing adoption. Making a match with potential adoptive parents too soon can put a lot of pressure on you to place your child. Others have suggested waiting until after the baby is born to make a decision and I think that is often the best way...although some moms want to know that have a good adoption plan in place before they give birth. In any case, remember this is your baby and you do not have to sign TRP even if you have chosen adoptive parents. All the best to you and your baby.

I just recently (6 months ago) completed an adoption with my second child, the first child i had is four years old and i have had her with me her entire life. I dont know how helpful ill be to you because i wasnt quite in your situation, i was fully capable and willing to care for my second child. what i was NOT willing to do was have a second child with no father, after my first has had such a wonderful caring father in her life. you ARE right about how hard it will be, post-partum depression is a very real thing and seperation-anxiety is another very real thing. After carrying a baby for nine months and then coming home from the hospital with no baby, i cried hysterically and randomly multiple times within the next three days. But after the first week was over, i felt great about what i did. i gave a young couple with an intense desire to have a child and no ability whatsoever to do so on their own, a child. it feels so wonderful and amazing to give such an amazing GIFT to someone. My personal opinion is that you should do it. There is nothing more important to the couple you chose than that child that you will give them. My next personal opinion is that you dont use an agency. i did and i got very little from doing so. they sent me a rent check every month and gave me a walmart card that had $75 loaded on it every friday. it seemed like a great deal at first but then when i spoke with other birthparents I found that some couples are willing to do a lot more for you than any agency is. My advice is to research couples outside of agencies, or explore many different agencies before you sign up with one. I was already 7 months along when i decided to explore the option of adoption, you have much more time, so take it. Also, when you find the right couple to take your baby, you will just know that they are right so dont pressure yourself into finding the "right" couple. You are the childs mother you will know who is right to care for your child's life.

I know you are scared right now, but trust that it will be ok. I know you will do the right thing and you will get through this. Im sorry to hear that you dont have any support from home, what you need to do is find someone you can trust and get some supports to help you through this. Weigh all of your options out and see whats the best choice for you and the baby. There are many families out there like my husband and I that would give anything to be able to have a baby, so adoption would be a good thing for the baby it would give the child a chance at a wonderful life and give the chance to a wonderful loving family to raise them. It would also give you a second chance. As far as God goes, he is an understanding loving God, remember he is there with you. Good Luck and be well.

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I just read your forum post. I wish I had more to say that would be comforting or some good advice. All I can say is that in high school myself and my family were very involved with a crisis pregancy center that also gave women a place to live while they were pregnant. I got to talk to a lot of them and hear their stories after they had their babies and none of them ever regretted that decision. Some of them kept their babies and some gave them up for adoption. I am an adoptee myself and I can't imagine not having been here. Please feel free to message me here, AIM or even text (if you want my number you can message me back). I promise not to be judgemental no matter what you decide and I can listen if you need to vent or anything. Hold on, you're not alone.

I am sorry you are going through this. I can imagine how scary it would be for you. I don't know what agencies to refer you to, I just thought I would offer my support. I would strongly urge you not to have an abortion. There are so many people out there waiting to find a baby to adopt. I am on this site for the first time and I am looking to adopt a child. I had a miscarriage this summer and soon after found out that I am not very fertile. I am open to most all situations.