Storm I created...

I also don't show she has any thread bans: [url]http://forums.adoption.com/postings.php[/url]

Also, there is no 'fibbing' - she's been posting on birth parent support since the original issue took place back in Feb...

Betsy's computer sucks too. Gawd! Okay, well that sucks then. I'll take full responsibility for that one because MamaS should have been banned from all bparent forums after that post. I have no clue where my head was at (shush Brandy!) but when I look back on it now and think about it, that definitely should have been done. Since my internet capability is limited right now (I just tried to bring up the admin panel and everything froze so now just got back in), can you do that please? I wuv u!! I'll post on there and will take the hit as they come stemming from that. I've taken the hits regardless so what is one more, kwim? I feel bad that this has been a festering issue for them and yet even with my admitted ball dropping, why the heck didn't anyone say something? I mean, not necessarily pm me and say "I can't believe you let her post" in a rude way, but kwim? Sometimes I feel they keep things so bottled up and then we have a thread now where the anger is just SO seething. Okay, gah.

Done.She is now restricted from the birth parent area of the site. No comments about your head and where it is. Go ahead and fall on your sword...But, in doing so - make sure you point out - we're human and someone could have sent you a PM regarding this and we would have done something :)

From my understanding talking to some folks - it's less anger, and more just......defeated. And not by you or anything like that - truly. I agree that something should be said to someone that can do something about it - like you - rather than just all talking amongst each other if they want to see a positive change. Also - I feel like there's something in the water.....and that I've had it too.... I wrote about it on the thread, but I've got a case of the "defeats" in some adoption stuff right now, and I know a couple of the other girls are just going through some real rough patches in their OA's, reunions, etc. And hey - I guess I didn't notice that MamaS was still posting, so don't fall too hard ;)

LOL! I'm telling Betsy on you when she gets back from the store. Yes...she is letting me use her puter in her house unsupervised...OMG...she's nuts!;) Thanks much! Off to play "Excalibur"

Which is likely why it's running so slow - there is no telling what you were up to during the thirty minutes between her leaving and you showing up here...pr0n some?Better run your virus scanner....and for the love of all that is holy, shut down all the windows...

I would have sworn she was banned from that forum too. It seemed like it was discussed that she was. And I didn't notice either. :o TGM - I am wondering if there is anything positive I/We can bring to that thread or that forum that might help at this point? I am not sure I am saying that very well. I have started to post to that thread several times and can't seem to bring myself to do it because I feel like I may inadvertantly say something that will be taken badly. I feel like so many of the birthmothers who have chosen to place feel lumped in with woman who have lost custody while adoptive parents who are trying to learn and understand and do the right thing for their adopted children and their children's birthparents get lumped with the people who want to deny their child was even adopted. I know it is the obnoxious, offensive people we all remember, but is there any way we can start to work past some of those people? Not sure I am making sense and hopefully I am not offending you, but I felt better asking you than posting on the open forum and adding to Crick's storm :)

No offense taken in the least!!! I hear what you're saying here, and I absolutely agree. I know that sometimes I've posted about my situation and I've gotten responses that are from a foster perspective (not that folks that adopt from foster care can't give advice - I hope I'll phrase this correctly) that seem to put me on the same plane with their child's first Mom. Now, I'm not saying I'm any better than that Mom, but it's just a different situation to be in a voluntary relinquishment and OA, you know? (And I know you DO know). Having said that - I have the feeling (and this is just a feeling, not based on anything anyone has said) that reminding first Mom's of how the other side has it isn't going to help them right now, in this particular thread. The vibe I get, is that once in a while they would like it to be about them. Where they can say, "this sucks" and the response isn't, "I hear ya, it sucks for these other sides too." And I realize that birth Mom's are equally guilty of going on other boards and saying, "I hear ya, it sucks for you, and for us too" - so I understand that what I'm saying here errs on the hypocritical side. I just get the sense that what is being said as support, has come across as negating to these women. Rather than hearing that some are standing next to us in the fact that we both deal with pain and the obnoxious, it's hearing that others are there too, so stop you're whining. Again, I could be making this up - but I think that's why someone like Portlowski's comment went over so well. It was just "thank you and please keep posting." Now, do I think that it's our job to censor our responses to this thread because of a hightened sensitivity right now? That's not what I'm saying.....I'm just predicting how some responses might be received right now. But I could be WAYYYYYY off.

It's so hard to know what to say. I wish there were a way to differentiate "support" threads from "discussion" threads. I have encouraged people to report threads they think are attacking rather than retaliate! I keep wondering if the current economic climate is part of the problem....

Thanks for the insight TGM. :)

Thanks Christine! Belle's pm touched on a lot of the same things you said, and it is really helpful. Much more helpful than the "SERIOUSLY" one who will not be named. I was really REALLY put off by that but figured I'd just swallow it and be nice. I have a stomachache.;)It's interesting that dkelvy's post touched on something Brandy brought up last night. Which is basically trying to figure out a way to have those "JUST" support threads for each side of the triad. We'll talk some more this a.m., but I'd like your thoughts too. Kathy - (((HUGS)))

No prob :) I'm just soooooo wise sometimes ;) (psh! Half the time I don't even know what I'm talking about!) But I do think the conversation has been productive at least..... I'm also trying to get some conversations going on the bparents boards to hopefully get the ball rolling again.....maybe we should regularly post there on certain days or something like we used to?

I think that would be a great idea actually. To start threads at least 3x a week would be really helpful! I noticed you started one today and Kathy started a couple last week. I think if we continue to do that, we just might see a pick up of activity. Even if the "old timers" don't post much, we might get some activity from newbies and that would be great too.

I'm definitely in for doing that :) I think that we just have to lead by example - get some action going, and hopefully we can generate some participation again!