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Hello. Dh and I are awaiting to find out if we will be allowed to adopt a little boy who is possibly at risk of having Huntington's Disease. His maternal grandmother died of HD complications. His mother does not want to be tested, and apparently they do not allow children under 18 to be tested. If his mother has HD, then he has a 50% chance of having it. But if she does not, then he is in the clear. However, since the mom won't test, we would be going into this adoption strictly on faith. And when he turns 18, then of course the decision to test or not will be his.
We do not want to pray to adopt him no matter what; we are staying open to God's will and if after all is said and done (this has been a one-year roller coaster,and we haven't even met this little guy yet!), and he is placed with us, there will be no doubt in our minds as to it having been God's will all along.
But I am afraid. I worry about having the HD in the back of my mind all along as he's growing up. Since I can't test him, when should I tell him there is this chance? Should I wait until he's 18 to tell him? If he were to have it, he'd risk passing it on to his children, so he'd have to know about it and I'd hope that he would be tested before having children. DH points out that if it weren't this, then it could've been any number of other special needs that even a child born to us could have.
At this point, we don't even know if they will be considering us as an adoptive placement. His family - both parents and grandmothers (one of whom had been raising him and the other has been in touch with us all this time) want him to go to us. But DSS is involved, so it is not in their hands.
I guess I am just scared of not knowing, scared of the possibility of raising a mentally ill child (there is a family history of mental illness on both sides, as well), scared of then seeing my adult son not able to live out his middle life to the fullest potential.
I feel like what I hope for will have some influence over what will happen, and for this reason, I'm conflicted over whether or not I'm hoping that they do let us adopt him or if I'm hoping that they do not.
I know that this is a test in faith, and I am trying to just trust God. I just need to hear it from others, I guess.
Thanks.
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You certainly do have a lot to consider. I'd be more worried about HD than mental illness, though.
I don't know why he couldn't be tested until he was 18. Is that a state law? Just doesn't sound right. If he is positive for the HD gene, he should be able to know ASAP, so that he is careful not to father children, KWIM?
Remember, sweetie, that fear does not come from God. I genuinely do understand your apprehension, but know the source of it. Rest in Him. He will show you the right path.
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Thanks, Karaboo. At yesterday's hearing apparently new social workers and attorneys got involved, and they are trying to work with the birth parents' plan to have Lil Guy placed with us! Supposedly they're wanting to place him with us as a foster placement even as they work out the kinks.
It looks like our chances of adopting Lil Guy just went up to I'd say about 75%, and when I heard, I got excited! Not afraid! Isn't that something? It's like as long as I know that I'm not making it happen against God's plan, I can truly be open to it.
It's interesting that you'd say that fear doesn't come from God, as fear (in various forms) is something I have struggled with all my life. And I know it has kept me from living up to my potential at times. I'm glad you reminded me of this. :hippie:
karaboo - we have faxed our homestudy to the boy's GAL and SW, made repeat calls to both lawyers and social workers, and no one wants to claim responsibility for making any decisions. Meanwhile, we still have concerns regarding his special needs (esp. HD), and have decided not to actively pursue him anymore. We figured, his permanency hearing is in 2 months, we've submitted our homestudy and made ourselves known, if they do contact us to place him with us, it'll be as God intended.
Having said that - brand new development: we are expecting a new niece this spring, and her parents want to place her for adoption with us (!). This being a kinship situation, we are not too concerned about bparents changing their minds, so it looks like come spring, we will have our long-awaited forever baby!
Which brings me to my question/concern - what about Lil Guy? Do we leave everything as is, and if they still call us, we go ahead and adopt him, too? (This would mean two new children (one newborn, one almost 2) entering our home at about the same time!) Or do we formally back out of the situation with Lil Guy? (When I say "formally back out", I'm talking about breaking the news to his grandmother, who has been rooting for us to adopt him for a year now. I imagine that she would be heartbroken if we're the ones who decide against the adoption, rather than DSS.
But honestly, after having had the opportunity to foster Baby V, we see that we have our hands full with one child, and we will be happy with just one child. So since our niece takes priority as family, that leaves us in a weird scenario with Lil Guy.
What do you think? I'm mostly afraid of hurting the grandmother (and actually now Lil Guy's parents, who had chosen us to adopt him), though I know that's not a good reason to adopt a child.
:eek: :eek: :eek:
It seems to me that there are a couple ways you can proceed. One, you can continue to let it in God's hands and believe that if it happens, it is God's will. Two, you can see the possibility of the kinship adoption as a sign of God's will and officially declare you are not interested in the little boy. No one can really tell you what you should do. My best advice keep praying for discernment of God's will. (Helpful, right?)
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Kathy, actually- yes, helpful indeed! The thought of our niece as a sign from God to not adopt Lil Guy didn't occur to me before! So, for now I will keep praying on it (I literally just found out today about our niece, and I don't make rash decisions (anymore, lol) w/o sleeping on them first).
I am dreading Lil Guy's grandma's reaction, though....
Congratulations on your pending adoption(s)!!! I am thrilled for you!
If it were me...I would keep the door open for the little guy. With prayer for wisdom, you will know the right answer if and when the situation is presented to you. Remember, call unto Him and He will show you great and mighty things that you don't know!
karaboo - thanks. Dh surprised me by his insight, which was precisely what you said. "If they come to us, then we can't turn them away since they must be sent from God." He also said "we said we wanted one of each, right?" lol. That we said, among various other things. I guess it's still so foreign for me to let go and let God, ya know?
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Barksum & momraine, thanks for your interest in my little saga :arrow:
As it turns out, God had something completely unexpected planned for us, though I'm not sure how Lil Guy fit into all of it yet.
3 weeks ago we found out that one of our relatives is expecting a baby and wants us to adopt her. She's due in early spring, around the same time that Lil Guy would've been tranisitioning to our home if DSS/attys made this determination at his permanency hearing in early February (no amount of my calling or faxing homestudies made anyone any more interested in giving us a straight answer, so we had settled into waiting for the results of his hearing).
After giving it some thought, we realized that it would not be in Lil Guy's best interest if we tried to transition him into our family at the same time as a newborn. We had intended to adopt him and have him be our only, and dedicate several initial months to bonding and attaching with him, as we thought he definitely needed that. With our current situation, that would certainly not be the case.
At any rate, the legal/DSS powers that be weren't in any hurry to get us a straight answer anyway, and perhaps now I see why. Furthermore, once we decided that this was in HIS best interest, I felt relieved... so clearly I was trying to go against my gut all along.
Thanks for tuning in :popcorn: