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Hi allI'm a single man in my mid-thirties, and recently it became clear to me that adopting a child was somehow the right thing for me - despite it never really having been something I had given serious thought before.Life never quite works out as planned, and after 2 very long-term relationships came to a natural end, I was left with paternal pangs, but nobody to share it with. Now I find my own parents are getting older and hoping I will give them a grandchild - and I'd like to do that.I have in the past found very strong paternal feeling for a friend of the family who was 10. I had known her since she was 5. These father/daughter / brother/sister feelings were reciprocated. We spent many great outings together, and at times she would take me to one side and cry, saying, "I wish you were my Dad". I tell you it nearly broke my heart.I have also worked in a family business school for a number of years, and learned there that girls can be the easiest and kindest to deal with. I've nothing against boys - I am one! But for all the above reasons, I am leaning towards adoption a girl of 6-11 years old. I have so much love to give, but I can't keep giving it to children who aren't my own when there are 100,000s of children who would want me to give it with them and give them a safe, loving home.I am open to any race, from any country, as long as I fall in love with her and know she is right for me to father. I am dating and will hope and aim to bring her a mother in time too.That out of the way, I am left with a few 'beginner' questions:1. I am financially stable, but do not want to dent that with a big $4-50,000 hit up front. Are there any cheap or state funded ways I could easily adopt, for under $4k, or even for next to nothing? That may be a naive question - but with state funding I hope there are some cheap ways ahead?2. What about so-called 'black market adoption' - what is that really? I honestly only know the term, not what it means. I don't know if it is illegal, or dangerous, or anything - I just suspect it may be cheap. At the end of the day, if a child gains a loving home, and I gain a loving child, then I don't care too much what the 'label' was for the 'process' - as long as it ends the right way and was legal.3. I hear there are 500,000 homeless children in California. Is there a route to taking a homeless child willingly off the streets, but that isn't "adoption" per se? I may be wrong, but I imagine 'street children' living on the sidewalk, with no family unit, who would jump at the chance of coming to live with me. Is that illegal? Does it go on? Do such children even exist, or are they all with family units already? Somehow the thought of taking a poor street child off the streets is even more satisfying than taking a 'luckier' child just from foster care. If it were a triage system, the street child would be the more needy in my books. I hope you know what I mean.4. I live in California on a 3-year visa from Europe. It is renewable yearly thereafter. I consider myself a permanent legal resident, and plan to stay here forever. I have a SSN, State ID, etc. Will this cause problems that I am not a US 'citizen'? With 100,000s of children needing homes like mine, I hope not.5. Is adopting from another country easier and cheaper, or harder and costlier? I am open to whatever fits.6. Basically, given my exact situation, please suggest what you consider to be the best value and best overall route to get from this point, to the point where I have a loving and loved child living under my roof. :)Thanks in advance.MS
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I think you need to do some serious online research about adoption and do alot or reading on these boards. There is no such thing as a cheap, easy or quick way to adopt a child. Every option you look into will have its own challenges and you need to do your research into foster care & adoption, domestic private adoption and international adoption to see what fits best for you. Some of your questions come off very offensive, namely- Anything labeled a 'black market adoption' is completely unethical and illegal. And I suspect is would be alot more expensive than going through any legal means. And I think when they say there are 500,000 "homeless" children in CA they mean they are homeless with their family. I have never heard of a child just wandering the streets homeless with no family unit. Runaway teens may be one thing but there are not street children up for grabs. I also imagine not being a US citizen will not allow you to adopt in the US as well but I may be incorrect.
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If you are not a US citizen then you would not be allowed to adopt internationally (none of which are "cheap") through the US rules and regulations. You would have to adopt through the rules of your country of citizenship. Being a permanent legal resident of the US will not allow you to get the US visa necessary to bring a child into this country.Samantha
Having not grown up in the US and maybe seeing a lot of things on t.v. shows or movies, I can see where some terms and ideas you mentioned came to be. But Plum is right...there are not going to be street orphan kids roaming the streets and adoption here in the States covers many different facets. I don't know about that 500k number, think it's likely not true though. At last report from Adopt US Kids, there are approximately 130,000 kids nationwide legally free for adoption from foster care. There are of course thousands more in care that are not yet legally able to be adopted.I believe each state has their own requirements regarding non U.S. citizens adopting domestically. You won't be able to adopt abroad though.If you are interested in adopting from foster care, I would contact your local children's service office and go from there to see if you are an approved person to take classes and be a parent.
Last update on April 16, 5:52 am by Sachin Gupta.
Thank you for the replies, and I'm sorry one person thought I was "offensive" (?!) when I said I didn't know what 'black market adoption' involved. That actually offended me - please remember when replying that I am here to try to help the life of a child. I don't think choosing to get offended at some text on a screen that really wasn't offensive is appropriate.That out of the way, I gather the best route for my circumstances would be to adopt from Foster Care in the US.Can anyone give me an idea of what cost that generally runs to on average, if using public agencies - which I gather from my much reading and research elsewhere, do not charge a fee?
Keep in mind that for Americans, the Black Market is pretty serious. So just a different perspective from each of you, kwim? The Black Market is where children are either stolen from their parents and sold or just sold to their adoptive parents and birth parents doing the selling. It's a serious crime here to pay money for a child. If you adopt from foster care, there really aren't that many expenses. If you go directly through the state's program, I think you just pay for basic things like your fingerprinting, homestudy, documents, things like that. If you use a private agency to adopt through the state, they typically cut their fees way down. You just have to research them both and go with the one that suits you. Some fees you pay are reimbursed to you by the state after the adoption is finalized.Every state is different in their requirements but you will need to take classes in order to adopt from foster care. You might start by contacting your local child welfare office. They are a wealth of information in general. Or look at your state's website.
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I agree that you should do a lot of researching on this website before even contacting a state office or adoption agency. You may not want to hear it, but inquiring about black market babies is offensive. Buying and selling babies is wrong, wrong, wrong. Better you learn that here than calling an agency or state office and saying something like that to them.
I'll take a stab at answering your questions in the best possible way I can - but understand, you asked some pretty triggering questions for those involved in the adoption community - so be prepared to get some pretty emotional responses.
It is possible to adopt an infant for under $5,000 - but it could take a long time. A California homestudy is going to eat up at least 25% of that - so you'll do all your own networking and you'll retain an attorney to do the legal parts only.
It can be done - but it's going to be a long process and the fact that you're single and a male may play an additional role in the length of time you wait.
If your goal is to adopt a toddler or older child - utilizing the US Foster Care system may be your best bet. The cost is virtually nothing - outside of medical copays you'll have to pay to get the medical exams needed to become licensed, as well as any fees associated with obtaining clearance from your local, state and maybe federal fingerprint scan.
You are not required to be a US Citizen to adopt in the United States - however, you do have to be here legally and it may depend on the kind of Visa you are on as to your ability to provide care. The best people to ask about this are going to be your local DCFS/DYS/CPS office
Black market = Illegal adoption. Often, they aren't cheap, at all. I won't go any further than that, because our rules here on the forums prohibit us from discussing illegal activities and black market adoption is illegal.
As has been pointed out already, homelessness doesn't equal available for adoption. If you're interested in providing a home for an actual homeless child, likely a teen, then that wouldn't be adoption - as kids that are homeless aren't generally involved with a child placing agency.
Again, it may depend on the kind of Visa you have - the fact that it's up for renewal each year may be a problem - if you're involved in a Visa lottery, then that too could be a problem. While you may consider yourself a permanent legal resident, the fact remains that you aren't - and this could have an impact on your ability to provide a home for a child in need and/or adopt.
Citizenship isn't a requirement for adopting in the US, from within the US.
US Citizenship is required to adopt a child from another country and bring that child back to the US. You could adopt a child from another country using your home countries guidelines, if your home country allows single male adoptions and the country in which you hope to adopt from allows single male adoptions - but you must reside with your newly adopted child, outside of the US, for 2 years, before you can apply for a Visa to bring a child to the US.
You've got a ton of reading and research to do - regardless of what method you elect to take.
1. I am financially stable, but do not want to dent that with a big $4-50,000 hit up front. Are there any cheap or state funded ways I could easily adopt, for under $4k, or even for next to nothing? That may be a naive question - but with state funding I hope there are some cheap ways ahead?
2. What about so-called 'black market adoption' - what is that really? I honestly only know the term, not what it means. I don't know if it is illegal, or dangerous, or anything - I just suspect it may be cheap. At the end of the day, if a child gains a loving home, and I gain a loving child, then I don't care too much what the 'label' was for the 'process' - as long as it ends the right way and was legal.
3. I hear there are 500,000 homeless children in California. Is there a route to taking a homeless child willingly off the streets, but that isn't "adoption" per se? I may be wrong, but I imagine 'street children' living on the sidewalk, with no family unit, who would jump at the chance of coming to live with me. Is that illegal? Does it go on? Do such children even exist, or are they all with family units already? Somehow the thought of taking a poor street child off the streets is even more satisfying than taking a 'luckier' child just from foster care. If it were a triage system, the street child would be the more needy in my books. I hope you know what I mean.
4. I live in California on a 3-year visa from Europe. It is renewable yearly thereafter. I consider myself a permanent legal resident, and plan to stay here forever. I have a SSN, State ID, etc. Will this cause problems that I am not a US 'citizen'? With 100,000s of children needing homes like mine, I hope not.
5. Is adopting from another country easier and cheaper, or harder and costlier? I am open to whatever fits.
BrandyHagz
...homelessness doesn't equal available for adoption. If you're interested in providing a home for an actual homeless child, likely a teen, then that wouldn't be adoption - as kids that are homeless aren't generally involved with a child placing agency.
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I want to thank you all for your helpful replies.I also want to apologise if my initial post unwittingly made anyone feel something I did not intend. I genuinely did not know what 'black market' adoption involved and had a suspicion it just meant 'not adopting through the State but privately'. I hope you will excuse that not everyone is born knowing what every terminology means, compared to how much some of you may know having been in the adoption groups for so much longer.I am becoming very excited about adopting from foster care. It seems to tick all the boxes. I wanted to help an older child anyway, and avoid costs that would take away from how well I could then provide for them.Speaking of older children, you will recall I stated above:It has occurred to me that it is possible that a pessimistic case worker might frown upon my having 'developed paternal feelings' for somebody else's child, or that I have a preference to father a girl than a boy. I know I am probably just being paranoid - after all none of you raised any eyebrows - but before I contact child welfare and 'tell my story', can you give any tips as to whether you would omit any of that, or if any of that would cause them to wrongly raise eyebrows? Ultimately I want to always be honest, yet above all that, I want to give a home to a child without any unnecessary question marks or hurdles that could have been avoided. As I am not used to dealing with care workers, I hope those who are, can advise me.I hope to keep you updated of my story. It will be incredible if I can post back here in a year's time or so, with a photo of my daughter. Typing that just made my heart sing. :)
I have in the past found very strong paternal feeling for a friend of the family who was 10. I had known her since she was 5. These father/daughter / brother/sister feelings were reciprocated. We spent many great outings together, and at times she would take me to one side and cry, saying, "I wish you were my Dad". I tell you it nearly broke my heart.I have also worked in a family business school for a number of years, and learned there that girls can be the easiest and kindest to deal with. I've nothing against boys - I am one! But for all the above reasons, I am leaning towards adoption a girl of 5-11 years old. I have so much love to give, but I can't keep giving it to children who aren't my own...
Hello and welcome unconditional, as a single and naturalized citizen I feel I may be of help.
First the positive...
1. It is possible to adopt domestically without being a citizen but at the very least you need to have a greencard, the reason being that if your visa isn't renewed what happens to the child?
2. I adopted privately because I wanted an infant but I have known people who adopted via foster care with minimal expenses.
Now the not so positive...
Where are you from? and how long have you been here? I ask this gently and sweetly (keep in mind I was born in another country myself) because I think you have a little work to do as far as communicating within the American culture. For example if you walk in any agency foster or private and your first question is about expense that will be a turn off. Plus you are coming of a little too pushy for most people's comfort level here try this……
Hi, my name is unconditional, and I am curious about older children in foster care, does anyone have any words of wisdom for a single person? and one major hurdle am concerned about is finances.....You will get the info you need without sounding like you are working on a used car purchase.
2. Get educated adoption "language" so you don't come off as pushy. I took foster parent classes which was a great learning experience and its free.
Welcome again!!
Best Wishes
Many thanks sugarmuffin. Sorry if the way I asked the questions irked anyone. It's funny how you have to tiptoe around some issues and sugar coat things - but I understand why.I appreciate people keep saying to 'do reading' and 'get educated'. That's what I'm doing. It's why I'm here, and reading other things too. This is a process, and not everyone will be on the same point in that process. I appreciate your advice.I have been here a quarter of a year. I am from the UK. Are you saying they will not allow someone on a 3-year Visa (which mine is) to adopt? After 3 years the child would be mine (probably after 1 year), and then if I leave the US - no big deal - children move country every day. At least this child would be in a loving home, instead of still in foster care. So what is the deal with Visa holders - are they allowed, or not allowed, to adopt? I hope that has a simple yes/no answer.Thanks again. I'll take all your advice on board. Obviously I'll be more cautious when making actual approaches to agencies - but you'll forgive on an internet forum that people just want quick advice and type out fast questions without the usual sugar-coating :)
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After 3 years the child would be mine (probably after 1 year), and then if I leave the US - no big deal - children move country every day
I figured you may be from the UK coz I grew up in a country that was a British Colony and I know the Brits direct approach to things.......I have to at times "catch" myself. :)
As for your Visa question the simple answer would be NO but feel free to check with a professional, go to the USCIS(Immigration Website) and get your answer there.
On a personal level, one of the things that was addressed on my home study was the fact that I was an American Citizen and that I would honor my child's American heritage even if I permanently moved back to my birth country......... so with a Visa I just don't know.
One last titbit I have to share is moving children from one country to the next is not easy even if its for a so called "better life" that stuff is taken very, very seriously and even more so with single folks.
Goodluck and remember it works.... I am taking my child to my birth country in less than a week for an extended trip so your goal is very much achieveable(is that a word?):)