Is it considered Stalking?

NO WAY is it stalking.

I also have become something of a "facebook stalker". I found some of my bio-relatives (adult children of my older half-sibs) on facebook, but none of them know that I exist, so I haven't asked to befriend any of them. I signed up for facebook earlier this year -- it was easy to find the one person with the unusual name, and then I could easily see the others with the more common names because they were all friends. I can't see their full pages, but sometimes they change their profile pictures and I can see what they are fans of. My kids think I'm a stalker, but I'm just curious to know more about people who are actually related to me! (I am hoping for a relationship eventually with my half-sibs and figure then that they will tell their kids about me). In any case, I think it's best not to ever tell the people that we are constantly looking at their pages. It does make us sound a bit creepy. There's really no harm in looking at information that is put out there for public viewing, but I think it can make people feel uncomfortable, so we should keep quiet about it. Do you plan on contacting the other brother? Have you found the third brother? It's hard to know whether or not to attempt contact. Are you actually "friends" with the first brother so that he can see anything you post? If not, maybe you want to consider an open profile for yourself with a few good pictures in case he is curious about you. Maybe you could someday email him and tell him that you posted some new pictures in case he is interested.

Heck no it's not stalking! I suggest a very light 1st contact and remember no matter what the past is the past so try to keep any anger or upset at bay. Good luck!

I've been researching my birth family on facebook for awhile and it's confirmed for me that they are people I don'y want in my life. Recently, I've found one relative on facebook I've felt an instant connection with. It's good to be able to get as much information as possible so we can make educated decisions.

I think you should try to be-friend them on those sites, the worst thing they can say is no, they may just say yes! My adoption story just got crazier and I am starting a blog to try to help people get results for FREE I will post more info in the days to come (on my blog).. We just need to know the laws of our states.. I am praying for you all.. Fingers and toes crossed, good luck! Bev [url=http://bev71.blogspot.com/]Survivor Gurl[/url] I totally agree with what fear of hope said..

Facebook was made to .. ahem .. (not) ... stalk, right? ;) Seriously, I would definitely join the crowd in saying it's not stalking ....... and I also do it. I think seeing pictures, for me, was an awakening of sorts, because my half sister also looks just like I did at her age. It's almost like I really know they are there now, not just a mystery. I hope that makes sense and makes you have a little comfort about the situation. Good luck with contact. It can be shocking for children who don't ever even think of adoption processes or their parents before they were their parents. They may just need some time to comprehend.

I don't think it's stalking at all.

Not Stalking:)

This is funny... I do this on a regular basis. My error was to actually visit their work place, and I also attended one of my half brother's birthday parties. In both instances I just sat in the corner like some creepy stalker guy. No contact made tho. If you put stuff on facebook, then it is public info. But doing what I did (ie. actually visiting where they work, and visiting clubs where they 'like' in a vain effort to catch a glimpse of them) is abit like stalking. good luck

I don't think it's stalking. That's how I found my bio father's family, and although he himself has not shown interest in keeping contact with me, his brother (my uncle), bio father's adopted son (weird, he adopted because he wanted kids, but doesn't want to talk to his bio kid...?), nephew and a couple of others have been open to contact with me. If not for Facebook, I would not have been able to see pictures of my paternal side's family and learn some great things about them. Even if the person/people you are interested in having contact with are not sharing your interest, there may be others in the family who ARE interested, as is my situation.

As someone who just accidentally found out I have an adopted brother,(I was google searching my grandmothers family and found him looking for my mom as his birth mom..and so far my mom dad or siblings don't know anything I discovered) I used Facebook, linkedn, reunion, and google to further find out what the heck was going on. I'm still very angry and confused. I stare at these faces and think thats my niece, that's her kids, and this is my other niece, ect ect. My half brother doesnt have a Facebook page. But I found his photo. I know most of you adopted children have a lot of issues I'm trying to understand. And from my point of view, Im having a lot of trouble with it. If my mom gave this child up it was for a reason.. I knew something happened to her as a child but didn't think this was it. It explains a lot of why she was distant mom who found it hard to hold or hug us. I now bare the burden of making my siblings feel like I do, betrayed confused, angry at both this brother and my mother. I have to wonder if my dad knows. Should I tell anyone should I live with it forever. My mom is now not able to answer any questions, she has Alzheimer's. What good will it do anyone? My adopted brother was adopted by what seems to have been a very loving family. He now has a large family of his own. Why does he need to know his birth mother? Its been over 60 years. I personally try to find any feelings for him. They just aren't there. All I knew of my life is now twisted and questioned. I think of it day and night. Maybe it because it's all new and very shocking. I would like to know who the father is, (it can't be my dad they met years later) why she gave him up, but those answers are gone with her illness. Is Facebook good? I don't know. All I can say is tread with caution. Its obsessive.And give us birth siblings time to digest the news. It's just a real soul shaking experience. To find your mother isn't who she claimed to be. As a foot note, if you want to be found use Facebook. If you want us to look leave it open. And post many photos of yourself through the years. The one he has sacred me. A rough biker photo was not something I needed to see and stereotype (even though its what he loves) if I had more photos of his childhood what he looked like I may be more open to knowing him. Right now he scares me.

I dont think its stalking at all.. unless you are creepy and pushy about it. :D I found my dad on fb. and honestly, i am perfectly ok calling him dad and my aunt aunt and siblings brother. Why? because my aparents have completely abandoned me and ruined my life. My amom just had to ruin my wedding and is very controlling and emotionally abusive. My adad always supported her in everything she does. We dont speak anymore. My birth dad has in most senses become dad to me. And his family and children all treat me like i was always there, and i love it. However i just recently found my amom and her sister. I sent them both a short little message. Im not worried about her sister not knowing about me, my mom had 2 other kids after me and from what i can tell, she may have given them up for adoption as well. But her and my dad never hid that they were pregnant. I just hope and pray they contact me at some point. Until then, all i have is photos. though i cant tell if my bmom is in any of them, her sister has been tagged in them all... :)

Judyn, I'm so sorry you had to find out that way. Adoption has far reaching effects that I think a lot of us forget about sometimes, and siblings fall into that category. I myself have two sisters that don't know about me. I'm scared they will find out the way that you did. And I hope that whenever they find out, they will at least be open to getting to know me. In terms of your questions and doubts about your brother, you never know what happened behind closed doors. On the outside, many families look big and happy, while in reality they aren't. Until you ask your brother yourself why he is searching, you won't ever really know. I know for me even though I have amazing adoptive parents and a wonderful extended adoptive family, I still felt the need to search. Some adoptees don't. I'm just one that needed to know where I came from. I know that it made me a lot happier to meet my biological father, and I understood myself a lot better. Your brother might be looking for that. I think it's hard to like somebody over something you see on Facebook. I think it takes a lot more to get to know somebody. And relationships take time and effort to grow. You need to do what you think is best, but I'd encourage you to reach out to your brother and actually get to know him. And I'd give him the opportunity to meet your mother before it's too late. I would hate it if I knew someone could have helped me before it was too late and didn't. If you decide down the line you want a relationship with him, or if your siblings do, it could cause problems. Look at it this way, he could be an amazing person who enriches your life. He might not be. If that's the case, then you can walk away. You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. That's my take on it anyway. Good luck in whatever you decide! -Jen

Judyn, its hard i know it is. Everyone always told me lies and mixed stories about my birthparents, i never knew what to believe. I stopped listening a long time ago. Well, my dad and i are in contact now its wonderful. But i always thought he would have this rough harsh voice for example, he has the softest voice i have ever heard. And the lies? well, my aparents always told me when i was born the state took me away and my bparents never visited me. Turns out my dad visited me every day for 2 years before i was adopted. I call him dad because him and his family have become more of a family than my aparents were, which is somewhat sad. But i never expected my dad to be a biker, smoking, ex con, but he was honest about everything and didnt try to hide the mistakes he made. I was a little startled, but i love him none the less. My bmom on the other hand got married a year after i was born and had 2 other kids and i have yet to figure out if she gave them up or not, her facebook shows no signs of any children nor does her sister show any signs of a niece and nephew. I just sent them a letter for the first time a few days ago, we will see if they get back or not. Its not easy to adjust to someone who has always been a part of you, genetically, but you dont remember or never met. we dont get to choose our families (except when you adopt a child i guess). But its the diferences and similarities that can bring us all together, or, pull us apart. It just depends on how we handle it. If you dont want to get to know him that is fine, its your choice, and same if you do choose to. You have spent your life not knowing him, you aren't obligated to know him now. its a choice you have to make. think about it, do what your heart tells you. you never know what may happen. :)

Not stalking but definately Obsessing