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my sons first mom has told me @ 9-10 times over the last 5 years that she would be mailing him stuff, I have only asked for pics of her and her daughters never gifts. she did send him stuff once @ 2 years ago but that was all. When he was smaller he did not really know what was going on but now when for ex. she asked what he would like for Christmas he told her over the phone, and she said she would send him something. I am pretty sure he won't get anything from her and I really don't know what to tell him. Any suggestions. I have mailed her stuff 2-3 times a year since he was born so she does have our address and our phone #.
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It sounds like you need to talk to her especially now since your child has an expectation that she is sending him something. I would just talk her about when she makes promises to him that she needs to follow through especially since he understands that she is his bmom. You want him to have a good relationship with her so it will be important for you to voice your concerns with her. But I would give her another week or so before questioning her about the gift as maybe he hasn't sent it or even went shopping yet. Good luck!
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We have gone through this repeatedly over the years -- and my sons are now almost 15 and 13.5. I would simply explain to your son that his birth mom might WANT to send things but sometimes it is hard for her to follow through. She wants to be able to send him good things, but good things cost money (that might be an issue) or that she says she WILL send something she really means she WANTS to send something. He will figure it out with time - my boys know that their bmom WANTS to send them things, but never, ever does. Its just reality.
I know that this is a really old post but E's Firstmom sent him and Easter card, 3 pics and 2 drawings from his sister and cousin that we picked up yesterday, and I was so happy that she did E is 5 and he was so interested in what they sent. Firstmom's bday was this past Sunday and when I asked him if he wanted to send her a card he said no(just because) so I did not push the issue. We are planning a visit later this summer and when we asked him if he wanted to he said he really wanted to play with his sisters. I try an ask him his opinion about stuff but he I think that he got his feelings hurt when we sent Easter stuff on time and hers came in weeks late he kept asking me where it was. Open adoption is bumpy. Just wanted to update everyone.