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We adopted our girls last fall. We have an open adoption agreement with their biomom. The girls were very close with their grandparents, but there is no agreement for openness with them. I decided, however, to be kind and send them an update on the girls along with photo pages and a dvd of some of the girls school activities.
Grandparents and biomom tried to 'friend' me on facebook. I gave them an email address to keep in touch, and did not add them as a facebook friend. Grandma's profile picture was a picture of her reading a book to our girls at their last visit. I have never objected to this, as it was taken before rights were actually terminated. But now Grandma has changed her profile pic to a recent picture I sent her of the girls. It was one taken at our easter. I'm no longer comfortable with this. The only reason I know is that she continues to contact me via facebook (she can do that even though she is not added to my friend list). I was stunned when I saw my girls staring back at me as her profile pic.
How would you approach this? I don't want to burn any bridges or get in a fight - but I am NOT ok with her posting my girls pic on the internet under her profile, especially without asking. She has no security on her profile page, so anyone can get those pictures. What would you do?
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Could you ask her politely to take them down? Tell her you don't feel comfortable with her posting current pictures of the girls. And if that doesn't work, you can always contact FB since it is illegal for her to post pictures of children that aren't yours, if you don't have the parents permission.
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I agree with you and would feel uncomfortable with her posting the pictures, especially if her profile page does not have security. I would politely ask her to take them down and explain why. Tell her you are not opposed to her having pictures (obviously since you send them) but that you want to protect them from being viewed on the internet for all to see. Even if she had private "friends only" settings, you never know what could happen. I post pictures of my boys on my facebook account but they are MY boys and I can choose to do that and take that risk. She has no rights to do that and I would agree to contact facebook and ask that they be removed if she doesn't comply. Hope this helps!
I will ask her. I'm just concerned that it's going to turn in to a 'thing'. But I guess, if she's unwilling to work with us on this issue, it tells us she probably won't respect our boundaries with future contact either. We are under no obligation to them for future photos or updates. Not the way I want it to go, but it may.
This is what I'm sending her. I hope it goes well.
"I was a little surprised to see the easter picture we sent you of the girls staring back at me when you messaged me through facebook. I’m not very comfortable with it, to be honest with you. I know you love and miss the girls, which is why I sent you photos, updates and the dvd. But the pictures I send you are intended for you, not everyone on the internet. I respectfully request that you remove the photo and do not post pictures that we send you of the girls on the internet without our approval first. Thank you."
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