I don't know what to do.

NewJoyzGirl, I so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. I am a birthmom myself. I think that when all is said and done, you HAVE to do what is right for you. If you fiance is threatening to leave now, who's to say he won't use other excuses down the road to issue an ultimatum to you. I let many people influence my decision to relinquish my daughter because I was young and scared, but I wasn't 100% sure... and it haunted me for decades and scarred me. If you are not 100% sure in your heart, I think you would live to regret it. Adoption can be a wonderful option, but it doesn't sound like this is what you want to do. Please talk through whatever you need to... that's what this site is for. Hang in there! Soprano

Hi there, I just wanted to point out that you can take advantage of the fact that the baby's father is in the military. They have MANY resources for expectant mothers & the child will get FREEEEEEEEEEE health care once she is born. Sounds like you don't want to be seperated from this child. I would not let his threats pressure you into a decision. It is your decision to make. editted to add....even if he does leave you...you could have it arranged from his command officer to have a stipend sent to you for your daughter every month. it just requires a little bit of paperwork, but can be done.

Let him leave. Sorry to be so harsh but a guy who gets a girl pregnant and then tries to pressure her into abortion or adoption, does not love her. He does not get a free pass because he doesn't want to parent. He will have to pay child support and your child will be entitled to all the military benefits. It is YOUR choice to make.

Well I'd be telling him "don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you!" You have to decide what you want to do for you and this baby, not what he wants you to do. If you don't want to place this baby for adoption you will not be happy at all with that decision. Adoption is terribly difficult even for a first mom like me, who really felt it was the very best thing and did not have anyone telling me what I must do. I can't imagine placing a child against my will because of what someone else was threatening to do if I didn't. Your fiance will have to pay child support and as others have mentioned, there are the military benefits. I would try to manage on my own. You say yourself "I don't want to give up my baby." I think you have your answer right there. He cannot make you give up your baby if you don't want to.

I feel the need to point this out he says he is gonna leave..... he is leaving for deployment anyway from what you say lol so its an empty threat in my opinion. If you have this baby and decide to keep him or her he by law has to take care of the baby in some means. The military is very good about dealing with child support ect. They tend to come down hard on dead beat dads in the military. Maybe talk to the Chaplin at the base you guys are at, he could even do some counseling for the two of you :) just my two cents

Hey just wanted to say, i am adopted, if you choose to give the child up make sure it is an open adoption. Also i know from experience if your fiancee is saying things like that now, he will later, it is hard to live without them and it is also hard to live together once you are married. I would say since he is going overseas, he will be there for awhile, dont rush into anything, tell him how you feel, and tell him you have heard what how he feels, and both move on from there. Tell him you need time to think,ect. hope this helps. write me anytime

If you placed the baby for adoption, would you resent him? (My guess is yes, btw). Whatever happens with your baby, your relationship with your fiance has already been damaged. It is possible that he will see his child and regret that he ever contemplated not raising her/him. Even if that happens you will still have the memory of his attitude during the pregancy to live with.

Just my two cents here. The last poster I think said a good thing too. When my mom was pregnant with my sister my dad did NOT want my mom to have her. He was angry "she got herself pregnant" (wonder how she did that lol). My dad wouldnt' even go to the hospital when my sister was born. He didn't see her until my mom came home from the hosptial. He took one look at her and fell in love with her. So it is possible for that to happen. I'd listen to the others here about keeping your baby. They are pretty smart I think. And they are right. If you don't want to give her up, you're going to go through so much pain and agony and you'll hate your baby's dad. You won't be able to look at him the same way ever again. I believe it would cause you to break up anyway and then you'd have given your daughter up for nothing because he's gone anyway. I hope you'll think about what everyone has said. Rylee

Hi, I'm not a birthmom, but a military wife, so thought I'd add a few things. First, my husband has been in the Air Force for 15 years. I remember so clearly the difference in him when he came home from bootcamp. Something about that place changes you a little or for some, a lot. They will break him down to nothing and then they will rebuild him. I hope bootcamp will be enough of a wakeup call for him to be a good man, good husband, and more importantly, a good dad. But if that doesn't happen, the military WILL take care of your baby. Free healthcare and guaranteed child support. The military is really strict about these things and there is no way in the world he can get around it. I hope a little time away with someone screaming in his face 24/7 will give him a new perspective :) Hang in there!

I want to add to what's been said a few times regarding the guaranteed child support/health care,There are some limitations to that that aren't mentioned - and the very LAST thing you need right now is to not have a realistic picture of things.Unless he's a 'lifer', the guarantee stops once he has fulfilled his enlistment contract or his commission...or, worst case scenario, if he's discharged for some other reason.Having a child is not a guarantee of anything but parenthood.I am not advocating for any specific outcome here - I am only offering some additional information to what has already been shared. My son is 15 years old, he's collected just over $4000 in garnished child support during that entire time. Having a court order has done little to nothing to help collect. Having the state garnish his wages has done little to nothing to help collect. There are, sadly, ways for non-custodial parents to get around being responsible for their children...Don't rely on child support to be able to raise your baby - if you want to parent (and it sounds like you do, which is great) then you need to plan on doing it without his financial or emotional help.I want to add, if he's threatening to leave now, when times are tough - what's to say he'll stick around next time things get rough? Will he bail then? Then, what will you have? Not him...not the child...This doesn't sound like a difficult decision to me...even if you do decide you can't parent, I'm not sure staying with a man who has that kind of attitude is healthy for any woman.

Just wanted to add another factor to consider. If you have already been in touch with a hopeful adoptive family and are now having second thoughts, please, please, please be upfront with them and let them know where you are in the decision making process. You have a right to make this decision, but they have a right to know what to expect. As for your fiance, he doesn't sound like someone I'd want to commit my life to. He's essentially telling you to choose between your child and him. Never a good sign. Good luck to you.