Help, I need advice..please

If it was me, I would keep the baby if that is what YOU want. Whose to say that next week, your husband wont break out of his depression, or maybe a change in medication is needed for him. Once you give the baby up, you won't be able to keep changing your mind because it wouldn't be fair to the baby or the new family. Also, you have to ask yourself, are you going to be able to continue living with him if he doesn't get his depression under control , or are you going to go into a depression yourself because of you giving up the baby. You have some very serious thinking to do. I know of a lady who was always crabby to all kids, no matter the age or behavior. This last year, I think she must have got onto some kind of medicine because now she is cheerful all the time to everyone (including all kids). Lots of people have noticed the positive change in her. Good luck in your decision.

Will your husband agree to go into counseling with you? Is he being treated for his depression? It sounds like you both may need marital counseling around this issue, but that he also needs individual counseling. I wouldn't consider adoption based on my husbands mood swings. How do YOU feel about this baby, and what do you want? I agree that if your husband's depression goes untreated, it will be a difficult environment for both you and your baby, however, I'm not certain that adoption would be the answer. I would be looking at all my options. If things don't work out with your husband, can you manage with the baby on your own? What is your support system like? I would recommend researching all of your options, and not making any final decisions about adoption until AFTER your baby is born. If your husband won't get counseling, I hope you will consider it for yourself, not only in helping you cope with your husband, but also to help you decide about your baby. Please make sure your counselor is UNBIASED and not going to pressure you in any direction.

I am trying not to make this decision based on my husband's moods but rather what is best for the child. I would love to have a child, a family, but I'm not sure what is best for the child. My feeling is that just because I want the child that does not mean that that is what is best for the child. I have worked with children for many years and have seen first hand what the "wrong environment" can do to a child. I just want the best for the baby, be it with me or with an adoptive family.

My advice ... you are already a mother. Becoming pregnant made you one. It's a lifetime thing and your first priority is your baby. And you are right - maybe being around your husband and the baby's father is not what is best for the baby (or for you) right now. But being around YOU is what is best for the baby - if at all possible. Are you really willing to give up your motherhood because of your husband's illness? It's absolutely right that you put the baby's needs first (which I can tell you are) but maybe you are considering giving up on the wrong person. Lay it on the line to your husband - get help, get on new meds, get counselling or get out. You and your child need a safe place to live. If parenting is NOT a possibility either with or without your husband than consider adoption, but to me, I think you have about fifty other options before you need to consider placing the baby into another family.

Hugs to you!!:grouphug: I agree with the other posters! There are many treatments available for depression, if your husband is willing to consider them. I would advise you both to talk to his medical doctor, as well as consider counseling. Many families are living with depression successfully today, and I hope that yours can too! As Jensboys wrote- there are a many options to consider before considering adoption. Best of luck to you and your family!!

Depression is a treatable illness, adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem that isn't even your problem. You need to think about yourself in all of this too. Personally, if I had it to do all over again, I would choose my baby over my boyfriend... I should have kicked him out because of his issues.