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I have a semi-open adoption, where I get updates via mail every 6 months, for now. It was every 3 months, but since he turned 1 it's 6 months. Anyways, in one of my updates they informed me that the AM's mother passed a few months before they sent it. I made sure to send a sympathy card when I got the update letting me know about the death. Just to let them know that I was sorry for their loss and that I'd pray for them.
So my question is about what to do when someone in my family passes, or when I decide to have more children.
My grandmother passed away early Jan. of this year. I had already sent my update, since his birthday is in Dec. So should I wait until they send me an update to inform them about my grandmother, or send a special little note to let them know?
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Thanks! I had been leaning toward that, but I just don't want to over step any bounds. I will do it, this way I can make sure they have my new address as well. I gave it to them when I sent my update in Dec. but I guess our updates missed one another because they sent their update to my old address.
Everyone's different but from my experience it is better to keep open lines of communication. My adoptive mother knew all about how my biological grandparents had been murdered and that I had siblings. It helped make the transition to the reunion easier because I didn't have to fill her in on the tough stuff.
You don't have to spill your life, a little distance is probably good, but I would definitely suggest updating about deaths/births and other major life changing events.
That's my two-cents but you should do what feels best for you.
It is a great way to build a family medical history - as it happens, it is then documented and available the child's doctor X relation died of X at X age as well as other major illnesses or events. So very valuable...whether you chose to update on a certain schedule or when it happens. Kind regards,Dickons
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I have a semi-open arrangement as well, tho DD's mom and I do not have a set schedule as to when we write eachother. I always write her when I have life changing news or big events happen, tho when I do depends on the news. When I got engaged I told her the same week, but when my grandmother passed later in the year I waited until the next time I sent an update. (Most people love to hear good news right away, but sharing bad news right away can sometimes be awkward, KWIM?) When I sent pics of my wedding out to family, I made sure she was included in that, and when I found out I was pregnant, I told her the same time I told my family, as I regard DD's family as an extension of my own. Since then we have become Facebook friends, so we keep updated through our profiles. We both keep our profiles current, and we actually interact more since we added eachother. When I had my baby last month, I was able to let her know hours after she was born, and she was able to comment on my profile and see pics just hours after that. It has worked for us! Hope that helps!
We were Facebook friends before the birth, and then around Mother's Day last year they took me off their friends list, they wrote me a few months after the birth to tell me that they didn't think it was healthy for us to correspond. It was a facebook message that had nothing to do with me, it was all about what was best for THEM...It hurt a lot, but they've done pretty well at keeping their schedule.
Her mother passed in July or August, but I had already gotten an update, so they waited until the next update to let me know. I sent them an update after I got theirs to let them know I was engaged, and even sent them a wedding invite. And will more than likely let them know after I let my family know if I'm pregnant, I don't quite feel like part of their family, and at times feel like they don't value what I've given them (or value me for what I gave them...I know they love my son)