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I just got word today that biomom has been able to get her visits with K supervised by a friend, in lieu of DCF supervision.
While I function as the foster mom right now for Kyle, I am also his paternal Aunt (biodad hasn't been seen or heard from in well over a year). Our intent is to adopt (or at minimum become the permanent guardian).
Anywhoo - to get to the point - I am freaking out a bit about this 'supervised' visitation by her friend. They won't tell me much, ie: how long they have known each other, where they met (AA?), etc.
Biomom is incredibly unstable and has still-undiagnosed mental issues. Her hx with 1st daughter (who has been in the custody of biomom's mother for the last 6 years) is filled with physical abuse, DUI with the child in the car and neglect.
I'm so worried to drop K off at this house and have the the friend not take her 'supervising' job seriously. Because, 'Hey ... Biomom is her friend, she'll be fine.' :(
I asked if DCF could oversee the first friend-supervised visit so the friend would understand what to do and how to handle any awkward issues. They said they won't.
I realize there is nothing I can do, but I feel a little panic-y. I have only had K for 4 weeks and this loss of control is a bit terrifying.
How do you all cope when you don't really have a say in the level of 'openness' with your kids?
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Okay - I just called K's Guardian ad litem and he was surprised, to say the least. He said he had heard nothing of the change in supervision and was going to be emailing the case worker ASAP.
Another tidbit that I forgot to mention above - biomom has not been going to any of her mental health visits with the DCF approved psychologist and has missed 3 of 4 visits in February. GAL is concerned that they would change her visitation when she hasn't even been working her case plan and seeing her doctor.
He said he will get more info for me, but can't promise anything. Even so, I feel incredibly relieved that there is at least one person 'on-the-inside' that seems uneasy with this change.
Now is more waiting. I will try and focus my energy towards a fun weekend with DH and FS and not stress. We'll see how that goes. :o
About that, Alex ...
A few people have said I should go to CW's supervisor - but I feel nervous about doing that. I want to have a good relationship with CW (BioMom gives her a VERY hard time) and I don't want her to think she has an enemy in me too.
I'm afraid that if I went to her supervisor that would make our one-on-one relationship much more difficult.
I have had other issues with the CW: not getting back to me for days, being super vague with info, not very helpful when I was lost on signing up online for K's medicaid and monthly stipend.
I am still not sure if it is because she is busy/distracted or not a great CW - maybe a little of both.
Because this whole situation has been a bit nightmarish and we have been kept on the outside for most of it, I'm a bit skittish on alienating one of the only two people who keep me somewhat in the loop.
How common is it to go to a CW's supervisor. And since I don't have her name or contact info, do I just ask the CW for it? Or should I try to go through other channels?
You should know who the supervisor is. Whenever I accept a placement one of the documents included in the packet is the organization chart for DCF so I know what worker's are in my CW's unit, who their supervisor is, who the supervisor's supervisor is, and all of their direct extensions. It is invaluable.
I don't hesitate to include the supervisor in the conversation, but I try to make sure that the CW is included as well.
I document by email alot. I give an update after every visit. I almost always send CW email and copy his supervisor. If I am in the habit of always including the supervisor in the everyday conversation, it doesn't look like I am going over his head when I need his supervisor to be aware of a complaint.
Just like I always give an update after every visit with the bparents. Email to CW and copy to supervisor. Even if it is just to say: Princess had a visit today. She came home happy, had a good night and slept well. If I have a complaint, it isn't seen as me complaining, it is just a part of my regular communication.
Good Luck.
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What C.A. does is what I would suggest. Then it's just the natural chain of communication rather than going behind someone's back. Include the Ad Litem, as well.
I also try to use email as much as possible for documentation reasons. Everything I send the CW is automatically seen by her supervisor, the Ad Litem, and CASA. A fair amount is seen by the attorney who represents CPS. I don't necessarily do this, but I know that whomever I address my emails to, always shares my communications with the other players.
GalFriday
About that, Alex ...
A few people have said I should go to CW's supervisor - but I feel nervous about doing that. I want to have a good relationship with CW (BioMom gives her a VERY hard time) and I don't want her to think she has an enemy in me too.
I'm afraid that if I went to her supervisor that would make our one-on-one relationship much more difficult.
I have had other issues with the CW: not getting back to me for days, being super vague with info, not very helpful when I was lost on signing up online for K's medicaid and monthly stipend.
I am still not sure if it is because she is busy/distracted or not a great CW - maybe a little of both.
Because this whole situation has been a bit nightmarish and we have been kept on the outside for most of it, I'm a bit skittish on alienating one of the only two people who keep me somewhat in the loop.
How common is it to go to a CW's supervisor. And since I don't have her name or contact info, do I just ask the CW for it? Or should I try to go through other channels?
you should know who the supervisor is they are suppose to give you all of that information but i can understand where you are coming from because you dont want to cause any tension between you and the cw but at the same time you have to keep in my mind that you have to look out for the best interest of the child
If they met in Alcoholics Anonymous, the friend most likely is her sponsor...which would be a reason you wouldn't be informed of the nature of their relationship. AA depends on personal anonymity, something the courts and government agencies usually understand. If it really is her AA sponsor, I wouldn't worry too much. Most sponsors have years of continuous sobriety under their belts, and many of them can be compared to drill sargeants, lol.
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They met at a party - according to CW. That didn't do much to make me feel comfortable. :(
CW said the friend is nothing like birth mom - she seemed very straitlaced and capable.
Unfortunately, that is all a moot point, because both of them missed the Sunday visit with K. According to 'Friend' (who didn't call to say they weren't coming, and finally picked up her phone a half hour after the meet time), birth mom was sick.
Come to find out today - she had been arrested again and was in jail.
So, I doubt she will be supervising anymore visits. The fact that she will easily lie for the birth mom doesn't make her a very reliable visit-supervisor.
I'm just glad this came to light with something small - a missed visit and a easily identifiable lie - instead of something much bigger.
I should really trust my gut feelings about people more often - so far with this whole fiasco I have been right on target every time. Sadly. :(