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I am an adoptee. Adopted at 3 months old, I'm almost 50. Met a half bio brother (we share a mother) 12 years ago. He and his family moved close to me last august...I have lived a nightmare since then. In Oct I had to cut all ties with him as he informed me that he was entitled to everything I have and I was throwing my family (my mom, dad, and brother) in his face when ever I mentioned them, he is DNA and they are not. It's to the point of "Stalking". And I am ready to have him put in jail.
Please PLEASE be careful if you are trying to find Biological family.....it could end up like me. I am normal and I have a real family - the ones who picked me to be their child/sibling. I thought I was being nice to someone who was suppose to be related to me.....it just doesn't always work that way. I promise I am not spamming this group. I'm scared, I'm scared for my husband and child (I brought all of this on us) and I just want all of you to know it may not be the ideal Oprah show episode where all of you hug and live happily ever after.
I now regret wanting to know my Bio family. I thought for years that I was missing something.....I want to wake up and be safe again with my REAL family - the ones who raised me.
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Genmae,
I am so sorry to read your experience. I would take every legal action available to me, to protect my family and home. He is obviously unbalanced and mentally ill.
Searching is a risk for both sides. There is no doubt about that. It is a effort that warrants very careful consideration. You never know what you will find.
I hope he backs off and leaves you alone.
Kim
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I am really sorry that you are having to go through this. Hopefully with time he will calm down and get over the DNA. Make sure you document all odd behavior and if you really feel threatened by him maybe you should contact law enforcement.
Obviously your intentions are good but it is important I guess to see that things don't always end up the way they should. Take care.
Ohhhh noooo.... I am replying not only because I am sorry but, also to have a point to reflect on this and share with others.... I hope that things are winding down and are getting better.... This is a horrible experience and I am so sorry... Even if you grew up in the same house, he wouldnt be entitled....
Genmae,
I am SO sorry that your experience has been so horrible! I'm the birth sibling of adoptees (a brother and two sisters), who I found a couple years ago. I just wanted to let you and others know that it isn't always this way. Myself, I am so grateful to my siblings' birth parents and family for being there when we could not, and I know there are a lot of other birth families that feel the same. I would never dream of trying to push my way into someone's life just because of DNA. Your family consists of the people who have been there for you, whether for a little while or your whole life - it has nothing to do with blood relation! Please be strong, and don't let your brother bully you or make you feel unsafe. If he is acting this way, then clearly he has some mental stability issues and needs help IMMEDIATELY. Call the authorities and take actions to make sure that he does not continue to harrass you or your family.
Secondly, this is NOT your fault! You reached out because you wanted to know about your past - that is completely understandable. You had no way of knowing that your birth brother would be like this. Please don't feel like you've done anything wrong here, but do take any steps necessary to protect yourself and your family. My heart goes out to you. Be safe, and God bless.
~Sandra
Sorry for your trauma with all this. I guess every once in a while someone is going to "draw the lottery card" that lands them with a... wacky spouse ... wacky neighbor ... wacky boss... wacky family member... etc. Looks like you drew the "wacky family member" card.Sounds like what you did was natural, searching for family. Sounds like what he's doing is quite toxic. Nothing you could've predicted in a million years. People who like to use and manipulate others come up with whatever excuse they think will work, "DNA" is a new one on me, tho. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself, sounds like he's escalated past all reason. This article has some great advice for "detachment" from "Losers" -- it might be useful for you at this time. It's been very popular for years:[url=http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html]Untitled Document[/url]From this site:[url=http://www.drjoecarver.com]Joseph M Carver, Ph.D. - Clinical Psychologist[/url]Hope this helps.
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I also recently found my bio family. Yep my bio parents are still together and have children. My biofather emails me daily and sometimes says the most rude things. They gave me away to many different people and finally officially as a 3 year old but yet he thinks he knows me though he hasnt seen me in over 38 years. He has accused me of being racist, empty headed, shopaholic, etc. He has refused to give me access to my other bio family members. He says rude things about my adopted family members because I have been raised catholic and that is not the religion he is .. among other reasons.. Yes I have gotten many questions answered that I had but if I had it all over to do again I would never have found them. Please be very careful when reaching out to your biofamily.. the hell you know is sometimes better then the hell you dont!