Confessions...

I'll go ahead and confess, even though it's not adoption related. It REALLY bothers me to hear children crying in the PICU. If they're healthy enough to not be on a vent, they shouldn't be there. It bothers me greatly when I hear people complain about their kids. Especially about their crying. I haven't heard my son cry in over 10 weeks. Do people know what I would give to hear a cry or see a smile? Do people have any idea how lucky they are? I live every day with the knowledge that I'm going to outlive my son. I have such constant grief. Be thankful that your childs mortality is not constantly shoved in your face. I'm bitter that my son is getting a trach, even though it's the right thing for him absolutely. Why can't MY child breath on his own? Why does HE have to struggle? I'm annoyed that people who spend a couple weeks in a PICU think life is so rough. Really? Try 70 days and counting. I'm upset that some hypoplasts only have their normal surgeries and not extras like my son. What would life be like if he only had 3 open heart surgeries? Why does it have to be MY sweet little son who has had 5 and counting, plus 2 cardiac arrests? I'm angry that congenital heart disease doesn't receive more attention and awareness. It's not the 'in' disease, so our children our ignored. I'm angry that my son has suffered such brain injury. Why couldn't God have protected that during his code? Why does he have to have such major heart, lung and brain problems? So there are my confessions. They may not be pretty, but that is my life.