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We are finalizing on our two children (boy 3 yo and girl 2 yo, biological siblings) on June 1st. Wahoo!!!!We've had a few people offer to throw us a shower. I've been conflicted about this for some time. We could have really used something like this when we first started fostering to help get prepared for the future kiddos coming our way. We are already planning a huge family celebration the weekend following our court date, but it won't include co-workers, neighbors or people from our church congregation.Everyone wants to celebrate, I know this, but I feel so uncomfortable about the whole thing.Do I set my feelings aside and let them plan something for our children's benefit (odds are they're too little to remember much of it) or do I politely decline? If I decline, how do I say it so no ones feelings are hurt? If I accept does that make me appear as a gift grabber? We've spent a small fortune outfitting our children with age appropriate toys, the right sized clothing and bedroom furniture. I'd rather they not get a million toys and more clothes (I have more laundry than I can handle right now as it is)I really don't want to sound like a whiner, yet I know that so many of you can relate to my feelings and I'd love some feedback and advice. What did you do?What would you do?~S
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If they really want to do one, let them. My dd loves looking at pictures of the shower my mil's friends gave her, it means a lot to her that those people were happy about her arrival. You can make a list of things you would love, like a family membership to a children's museum or zoo, books, clothes in bigger sizes for your kids to grow into, grocery store gift cards, or something. Another idea is to request gifts for a particular charity, or if your local area has a clothes closet or something for foster parents, or foster kid "kits" to be donated to your agency for those kids who come with nothing. That way they can help you celebrate your new kids by helping you give to other kids.
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We are matched with a 9-year-old girl and awaiting ICPC to finish so she can come home to us. My work threw me a surprise shower last month. I was blown away! It was really nice that so many people wanted to share in my joy and excitement! The men loved being included! We just ate sweets (lots of sweets) and they asked me to share the story of this crazy journey. No goofy shower games or anything. Just celebration! They had all pitched in to buy gift cards for last minute things we might need.
We are matched with a 9-year-old girl and awaiting ICPC to finish so she can come home to us. My work threw me a surprise shower last month. I was blown away! It was really nice that so many people wanted to share in my joy and excitement! The men loved being included! We just ate sweets (lots of sweets) and they asked me to share the story of this crazy journey. No goofy shower games or anything. Just celebration! They had all pitched in to buy gift cards for last minute things we might need.
Once she gets here and things settle some what, we plan on having a picnic in the part to celebrate her being home. I'm going to specify "no gifts" for that.
Until she gets here, people can gift away! I like presents! :prop:
Friends of ours threw us a surprise shower. It was nice but kind of weird. One of the friends explained that it was their way of welcoming our new child into our community. So, look at it that way. These people are trying to show you support and welcome your children and a shower is the way to do it.
If the gifts make you feel uncomfortable, is there something else you can suggest they put money towards?
Graciously say yes.
Over the years, I have given away our baby stuff when I saw a need. I can't tell you how many times I have re-purchased baby stuff.
When our 3 year old came to live with us at 6 mos, the ladies at our church very kindly gave us a baby shower. It was such a blessing. After Kyle was finished, I gave all that stuff away to our neighbor's son who was unexpectedly a father. We just bought all new again.
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Say yes and let them celebrate with you. What a great way to reinforce the connection between your child and your community!
If you don't need or don't want gifts, you could turn it into a fundraiser for a children's charity. You could suggest "in lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to . . . "
You mentioned that your church wants to give you a shower. How well supplied is your church nursery? or Sunday School? You could put together a wish list for the Church and use that as a gift registry. Your Church nursery could have a whole new set of toys and it is something you could share with your kids as they get older without cluttering up your house.
However you do it, just enjoy as many celebrations as you can. Congratulations and good luck.
I joined this thread late late late, but just graciously say yes (like I read you will do).
Just do "in leiu of gifts...." or something....basically when the children are older, the photos of this will solidify that they joined their family and that people wanted to celebrate.
Can you imagine when they get older???
"well my mom didn't have a shower [when we came home/became x smith] because we were adopted and older".....
look at it as a celebration instead of as a good way to get needed items....like Chloroxis stated, I loved that church potluck idea.....what a great memory.
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I meant to thank you all for your responses. Our friends were kind enough to get us a gift card to Costco...that will make a huge dent in diapers alone!We are so grateful to friends and family who have accepted our children with open arms and loved them as if they've been here forever. Our court date got bumped to June 16. It all happened so quickly. The judge was very serious about the long term realities of adopting. Afterwards, he came down from the bench and gave each of them a stuffed animal, shook their hands and took photos with us.It was AWESOME!!Our son was in church this week and I heard him talking about how he was our little boy forever and ever. It was adorable!Thanks for all of your support,~S
I was so happy to see this thread. I have a friend who has offered to do this for me, as well. It is very early and we do not have our license yet, but she is a bit of a planner. I think I am going to tell her yes. I like the idea of gift cards instead of gifts. I can use them to buy new bedroom furnishings, school supplies, or even put them away for a special day. I know my job will want to throw something for me. I like the idea you guys have about a pot luck. I want to celebrate, but I don't want to people I work with to feel like they have to buy something. Thanks for the tips!
Maybe you can ask for one big gift which is what we did.
I wanted to have professional pictures taken when our DS came home and since he was already beyond the babystage and in the toddler stage. They found a photographer that would take photo's in a natural setting and not in a studio. The photo's where taken on the playground and turned out really good.
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You definitely don't sound like a gift grabber! I bet you've been to hundreds of showers yourself, and I also bet you went to show your love and support to the family and new baby--your friends and family just want the opportunity to do this for you. As someone who is hoping for a baby, but currently has no children, I LOVE buying shower gifts. . .kids things are so much fun to shop for. . .and like someone else mentioned, most stores have registries now. You may have everything your kids need at this age/size, but you can register for those things they'll be growing into. A man I work with and his wife adopted two sons, age 4 and 7. We had a party/shower for them, and they had a ball-as did we! Enjoy your party.:flowergift:
My DH and I threw ourselves a shower and it was a big hit. We just resgestered for the little things that really add up, like sippy cups, bottles, bath supplies, etc. We got great things like books and some hand-me-down clothes. Even though we threw the shower, it was still fun and the guests were just supportive and loving through the whole fostering process.