really sad

I'm sorry you are so hurt by this guy. My niece went through the same thing almost 2 years ago. She was crushed too, and still a teenager. Soon, things became about the baby and not him, or even her. Now that baby has turned one. Its been a long road. The father has no ties to the child, and she has met a great guy who has stepped in as dad. Again, I'm sorry you are hurt. I hope that you have family and friends to listen and support you as you go through this time.

Please don't make any drastic decisions yet. It could well be that he panicked. Lots of guys end up being GREAT dads once the child actually comes. You just never know. And it's super tough on you right now because you want to be HAPPY about your child and this is making that tough. I know it's tough, but you CAN make it through this!

It does sound like he panicked when you told him you were pregnant. Obviously, there is no guarantee he will come around, but I'm wondering if you can keep the lines of communication open and decide together what you are going to do. I just can't imagine saying he doesn't love you and wants nothing to do with you, but still wants to be friends. That doesn't make sense to me. And he doesn't want you to stop "bothering" him? Well that says to me he still wants you to contact him. So can the two of you sit down and discuss this again? Sorry you are going through this.

I'm 33 and have two children already (not his) and he is 34 and has a son. I don't believe he panicked. I believe that he doesn't have good self-esteem as he kept saying he was a piece of dirt and not good enough for me. Whatever. He should have decided that last year or when we were younger. We've known each other for years and knowing all that I know doesn't make it any easier. I don't want our child to be a pawn between us. I know how it feels to be resented by your parent. He avoided me for a week after I told him, he said to think. Okay, he should have been doing that last year before he said he loved me, wanted me to be the mother of his child and now he does a complete flip? He sounded humiliated that I told anyone. This doesn't sound like cold feet. It sounds like a guy who said what he could to get in my pants and now that there's responsibility, he can't handle it. I'm very surprised at his behavior as he didn't do this to his sons mother and she has a man and 3 other daughters. I think the only recourse is adoption. This is serious and I am hurt and he only needed to hurt me once for me to say, 'I never want to see you again' which won't be hard. Family support??? that's a laugh. I was raised to remember that I was unwanted and lucky enough to be born to my mother so her parents could take care of me. My father is unknown and she has never been a source of anything even remotely motherly. I am completely alone with this child-to-be...and i'm barely holding myself together. But i know i can call crisis hotline if it gets that bad. And as for friends, I feel that I have to be there when they have problems, but when I call them they are too busy, say they'll call back and never do. they are twins, so go figure, but it does hurt and I've told but they feel we have been friends for so long we can go weeks without talking, which is fine, unless I am in need and I get 5 words out and they got to go. I haven't even told them about this, they will probably fail to recognize the seriousness and I'll feel even more hurt. I'm a pinch close to just giving up custody of my two to their fathers' (who I have a very good relationship with) and going to the psych ward. But then, my illusion to everyone that I can accept rejection will be shattered. LOL! nice, huh?

Wow kind of sounds like something similar that I went through he left me at 7 monthes preg. said he couldn't deal with my baggage I had 3 kids. I put our baby up just couldn't deal with raising a child without a father turned out to be the best decision for me. Hugs to you I wish you the best!

I urge you again not to make any quick decisions as to what you want to do about this baby. Think about the two children you have and imagine being without one of them. The pain of relinquishing is something that you never get over. You learn to live with it, but you never get over it. Is the only thing stopping you from considering parenting the fact of who this child's father is?

I am in this thread on accident, but after reading your post my heart hurts for you. I am so sorry that you are feeling so hurt and alone. Please don't make any quick decisions, you have plenty of time. Things can change so much during that time. Sending a hug your way! Stay strong.

i have read through this forum and there are things i agree with and disagree with! most importantly you have to know that now that you are pregnant the most important person in this situation is your baby! i would NOT wait until this baby arrives to make a decision. after the baby arrives you are struck with way too many raw emotions to make any intelligent decision! you have a few months to think about this...to either find the perfect family or prepare yourself for life with a child. i really think letting your friend raise this baby is not a good idea. if you want the baby around part time or full time...having to watch someone else take on the role of parenting your child would be too hard. (i think) you can find families that are willing to be in an open adoption. if your boyfriend is unwilling to commit to you now that your are pregnant you might need to reconsider spending your life with him as well. there is life after adoption! placing my baby girl for adoption 11 1/2 years ago was the most difficult...but best thing i have ever done! i know how she is being raised and i see pictures! it's amazing! as a young girl all i had ever dreamed about was being a mommy...then i got my chance at the wrong time! it broke me terribly to watch someone else walk away with my child but GOD gave me peace and he will give that to you too! i pray that you can make the right decision ...and i am not saying what that would be because everyone is different!

If you truly do not want to raise this child, then yes, adoption might be the best option for both you and your baby. As you pointed out, you know how it feels to be unwanted by your own mom, and I'm sure you don't want another human being feeling the same way you did as a child. I do think, however, that it is much too early in your pregnancy to make this huge, life-altering decision. Also, please be aware that the baby's father will need to agree to relinquishment of his child and sign consent forms. Emotions are running high now for both you and your boyfriend. I wouldn't make any drastic decisions until things calm down a bit. You may well find yourself feeling totally different towards your baby in a few months.

I am sorry you are going through this. You are only 5 weeks along. You have plenty of time to figure this out. Don't make any rash decisions about adoption. As someone else said, you learn to live with it but you never get over it. The son that I placed is 18 years old and I'm still not over it. I wish you the best.

I don't have any advice for you other than what everyone has given but I will be praying for you and the decision ahead of you.

I'm sorry that your hopes for a family did not work out. It is so difficult when people we trust and care for let us down. Take some time to think very carefully about the best thing to do in this situation. Consider all of your options: parenting, abortion, open adoption and closed adoption.Remember that you are entrusted with the long term well being of a potential life. You are not deciding what is best, easiest or most comfortable for you. You are deciding whether or not this is the right time to carry a baby and raise her.

You need to take a step back and decide whether or not you want to carry the baby under these circumstances. If you, then your next decision is whether to parent or to make an adoption plan. You sound quite fragile right now and you recognize that you won't be in a good place to raise the child now that the relationship is over. Choose abortion or adoption and wait until you marry to become pregnant again.

Sending u a cyber (((HUG))) and positive thoughts. Hoping a friend shows up to give you a real hug and a shoulder to lean on while you decide you future actions.