How do you make it work?

I'm a speech therapist and work in the school district so similar work hours I'm assuming... my baby was 4 months old when she came to me....I took 6 weeks off, although 2 weeks were vacation weeks....I was allowed FMLA, but since 'maternity' leave is associated with disability insurance they didn't pay full salary for the days that didn't count as personal days....I was able to take off 2 weeks personal days full pay, 2 weeks vacation also paid, and the other 2 weeks were half pay. Things I did and you can read more about attachment was 'wearing' the baby....I bought a rocking chair and did that every day....she hated it at first (never was rocked or sang to) but now she loves it, I have her sleeping in my room....she's in her crib, but she settled in pretty well in my room. There are other things one can do to help with attachment but these are the main things....also make sure you have a schedule....even when you go back to work, keeping things the same every day for a while will settle the baby down. I've recently just started to take her out to do different things....as of right now I can tell you she doens't just "go" with anyone, she's really attached to myself, and she's attached to grandma and grandpa, but other relatives not so much.....this is a GOOD thing right now. Good luck as you begin your journey

Oh, thanks so much, Dannie. It's wonderful to hear about some of your strategies. Just curious how you found out about your leave situation/who you talked with in your school district. At this point, I'm not comfortable sharing my adoption process with anyone at work (it's still at least a few years in the future, for me!), but I really wish I could find out my employer's policies, without letting them know the path I'm taking. I can't find any district info on adoption. I'm really wondering if they would allow me to use sick days, for example. (We can't carry over personal days and only get 3/year!) Now if I could just plan it so the baby arrived in the summer.... :) p.s. Congratulations on your little one!

Dannie gave you some great advice here. I might also add to limit the babies exposure to other people as much as possible. We didn't go out much at all. My Mom would come by to take care of my then Foster Daughter (FD) while I ran errands. Limiting exposure to others helped in bonding to me as opposed to others. I bring this up only because some parents have talked about having a difficult time with bonding with their child or the child bonding with them. The more one on one time you have together (while you can take off work), the better the bonding experience. That being said, when you need a break, you need a break. So, be sure to take it or you will go crazy. :arrow: Some great books. "What to Expect the First Year" and "The Happiest Baby on the Block". There are 2 Adoption Books I would recommend as well: "Beyond Consequences" and "The Connected Child". Blessings to you on your Journey!

Well one thing was my direct supervisor in special education was one of my references when I started, so I just confided in her....no one else really...wait that was a lie, all my "friends" references came from co-workers (the school psych i work with, and a previous co-worker who is also a friend), but it wasn't until I was in the homestudy phase when I was almost approved was that I started calling personnel and asking about the policies....I hope your personnel dept. is much better than mine....I had to ask my supervisor because personnel was clueless and so my supervisor's secretary who knows the ins and outs of personnel found it out for me. Also when I got matched and I had to leave fairly quickly my supervisor knew and approved my 2 weeks personal leave (our sick days and personal days roll over, a difference it seems between my district and yours) and special ed. took care of everything for me.....once this went through my elementary school was so supportive and threw me a baby shower on the fly, and when I returned to work the speech therapy departement of special ed. threw me another one. I was very blessed work wise. Is there anyone you trust in your job that you could confide in, that way if something were to happen quick, you disappearing for 6 weeks wouldn't be looked at negatively. Every district is different on their policies and leaves.... I second parenting's advice for the 2 books. I also will say that take what works in the books and leave the rest guilt free....some things will work with your child, some things absolutely won't and you'll figure out what does and if it goes "against" the norm, then so be it....children are individuals.

Thanks for the book recs, parenting. I'm such a big reader...can't wait to dig in! And thanks for the advice, both of you. I think I'm really in that giddy, "it's all new and exciting" stage because I grin like crazy whenever I see a comment from someone on here. haha!

Excellent point Dannie. No one technique works on every child. So, try some things. Keep what works and ditch the things that don't. Listen to your Mommy instincts. You will know what is best for your child.

I look back at our first few months together and I am amazed we both survived...My daughter was just shy of 21 months when she arrived home. I told my boss about the adoption when I submitted my dossier - short wait time for referrals at that time. I work in a small law firm so there were limited people to tell. I had 3 weeks of vacation time saved up so my boss allowed me to take 6 weeks off under the condition that I work from home part of each day -- in some cases "part" meant just a few minutes. I was in country for 1 week and I wore my daughter everywhere we went -- even though she was capable of walking on her own. She sat on my lap at meal times. She slept with me. I dressed her. I bathed her. I changed her diaper. When we got home I decided to go about life as I would normally. This meant she went with me on all errands. We went to the park. We did everything together. I wanted her to learn what life was normally going to be like without having to make major changes later. I was the only one who fed, changed, bathed her. I rocked her to sleep every night -- she is now 5 and we just broke that habit about 4 months ago.I had planned on transitioning my daughter to a day care when she had been home for 5 weeks since I needed to return to work at 6 weeks but both of us were still sick at that time and I decided not to infect the rest of the kids at the day care.My daughter adjusted really well to going to day and within about 1 week she had settled in. I was worried about this because I wondered if the day care would feel like the orphanage to her. The first day that I picked her up from school she flew into my arms she was so excited to see me. The following day was the same and then it slowly got better (now she barely looks up from what she is doing when I walk in to get her). She whined the first few days that I dropped her off but really she had no major issues. She loves the socialization that day care provides for her.You can read all kinds of books -- and I suggest that you do -- but do not let the take over watching and analyzing your child. It took an outsider watching my child play to suggest that perhaps she had a sensory disorder before I began to see what was really going on for her.My daughter is very outgoing -- has never met a stranger -- and very active but she is firmly bonded.Samantha

Thanks, Samantha!