Poking a sleeping bear(?)

OK - here's my attempt to simplify my complicated situation. We're on the count down to finalization in adopting J. She's a "relative" in that my cousin thought he was her father until DNA proved otherwise (he can't adopt due to failing the CORI test) and my 2nd cousin is her half brother. I had not met her before last Memorial Day and never met her BM until the TPR hearing (she objected to us at the start of the day, but was hugging me repeatedly by the end of the day). We got licensed as fosters in order to make the ICPC go smoother Several family members have had extensive relationships with her and all warn that she can be manipulative. She definitely has mental health and substance abuse issues. Since getting an OA at the TPR hearing 10 weeks ago, things have been super calm. We're starting to feel like a family and she's just starting to see us as her parental figures (she'll be her 5 months on Apr 5th) Her final DCF supervised visit was 7 weeks ago. It did not go well; BM brought her BF (who J lived with at one point.. She has revealed some things about life with him that are inappropriate. ). BF was not supposed to be there, but the AW did little in regards to that (nor did he closely supervise the visit) J loves her mother, but since the last visit has not asked about her or voiced missing her. She's started referring to herself as my daughter During TPR day mediation, both sides agreed we'd begin the post adoption visits after the closure visit at DCF. The OA states she must write me 1 month in advance, up to 4 times per year for a visit. We must agree on the time/place/visitors. I had some pictures of J and her brother, done by a photographer friend. I've posted them on the website created to let BM see what's going on. I'd like to be nice and send updates of J's upcoming kindergarten graduation, the pictures with her brother... her new jungle gym/swing set/clubhouse. But I am loving the calm life we have now. We're really on an upswing. My intuition says to blog what's going on on our website and leave it at that. That puts the onus on her to look. There's an angel on my other shoulder suggesting I should email her to tell her its there. But my fear is it'll:grr: prompt her to request a visit or otherwise have contact with J. The pictures might also set her off, as she was insistent J never cut her hair but J requested a cut shortly after her last visit. We plan to honor our OA.. Doing what's required is not the problem. its figuring out how to share our life without inviting her into our life Anyone "been there"? On either side?