Advertisements
I talked to her for the first time today. It may be possible to open the adoption and include her in visits and calls.
She has not been in a safe position to consider this at all but in the last year has been doing very well. She is willing to say or do anything to help my daughter, who has lots of questions.
I'm not sure how to proceed. My daughter asked about a visit a few days ago and it is more to get her feelings of anger out about the reasons she was place in foster care and how that has affected her. I am thinking a letter or to may be a better start.
It was heartbreaking to talk to her, even though at times I have wanted to strangle her. She is doing better and I hope that she can continue. I feel afraid at what lies ahead. My daughter has closed the adoption to all birth family a year ago. I didn't feel it was right but had to honor her wishes.
She is 12. I feel like we should proceed with the contact. Is there something I'm missing? I will visit with the family again and set up boundaries of we do agree to move forward.
Like
Share
First of all I'd like to say how brave you are to have had that conversation with birthmom. That had to be a little nerve-making.
I can understand your dd wanting a visit so she can speak her mind about not appreciating the situation that brought her into foster care. It may also be that underneath that motive, she is curious about seeing her mom or just wants to see her, and wanting to express her anger is the only thing she's acknowledging or giving voice to.
It must be a very difficult situation for dd to be in, too.
I haven't been in this situation so can't offer experience. I guess one thing I'd want to make sure before moving forward with any contact would be that your dd has a therapist or counselor she likes and trusts. I would be worried that contact/visits will dredge up a bunch of emotions she can't handle on her own, and she may feel inhibited about talking about them with you out of loyalty to you, or confusion about what it's appropriate to feel.
So many challenges in helping these children!
Advertisements