How to approach other families??

Interracial family are good, but also include the minority base of that child's racial make-up. They do not have to be in an interracial family or marriage to be beneficial to you or the child.

My husband and I are also in a fairly undiverse area. However, we each know people and are good friends w/ several people who will be beneficial to our soon coming child.... Unfortunatly, those people live about 30-45 minutes away, in a VERY diverse community. Needless to say we will be driving there often. In our own community however, we plan on taking new dd to places where she can meet all kinds of people. Just approach w/ sensitivity and manners and you should be ok.

Thanks for your post. I've kind of had the same question in the back of my mind. Personally, I do not get offended by this sort of thing. If someone approached me I'd be thrilled. But I know that not everyone feels that way, so when I have approached other (not often) I start with the fact that I have a daughter we adopted and she's biracial and ask the question second. So it goes something like, "Hi, I hope I'm not being rude but my daughter is adopted and biracial. I'm wondering -- did you adopt your little boy/girl? I don't want to be rude but since it's not that common I'm always looking for families like ours." Does it work? I don't know yet :p

I had to smile when I read this post. I was in chick-fill-a the other day and saw a CC woman with two AA boys. Since we are in the process of adopting I had to ask. I did worry I would look like a freak but decided I should just do it. I approached her and said "I'm sorry but are these two boys your sons?" she replied that they were and I continnued "I'm sorry, I don't mean to bother you but my husband and I are in the process of adopting either a bi-racial or AA child. Are these your biological children or adopted?" I'm sure she found it amusing that I asked if they were biological since it was about 90% unlikely they were. When she said they were adopted I asked if she would mind me asking her questions, she said no, and now we exchange emails. Her sons are my daughter's age so hopefully we can get together with our children. I think I handled it well...maybe not. I am very open about everything in my life and have no trouble approaching strangers. I'm sure this will change once we adopt and people approach me. I still kick myself for the time I didn't approach a woman in the grocery store. It was at the start of our process and all I could do was stare. I think she saw me staring and was probably like WTF. My feeble brain just couldn't process at the time that there was someone out there that went through what we were going through now.

I would never assume that a black child with a white parent was adopted. Biracial couples are extremely common where I live (Maryland).

I agree LOL it's very common in my area of VA too. And is something I am grateful for. I've been asked some funny ones, and I do not have any adopted children. But do have black and brown friends of my white son with us often, a couple of the boys have lived with us on and off over the years. And they all tend to act like brothers to each other, and as children of mine, so I can understand how people would think they are my kids sometimes. And I do babysit young ones of many colors still occasionally. It's fun to me (sometimes) to go out and about and guess what people are thinking as they stare at us trying to figure it out. Sometimes people even ask if my husband is black or brown, and when I say no, then they move on to the adoption questions, and when I say no, with no explanation, it's really funny to watch their brains work. Rarely do people assume I am babysitting or just have family friends with me - I usually fess up tho LOL. People sometimes do ask if they are all my kids. So that could be a pretty good door opening question, maybe, with me it would be an OK question to ask anyway. I guess being an adoptee myself, and being used to talking about adoption and family relations, I can usually tell if that is what they want to ask about. Sometimes I make them work for it just for fun:evilgrin: I dont get offended by nice curious questions, only the mean judgemental glares and groans I get from some. I don't want to know what they are thinking - they need to stay home if they don't like seeing multi-racial situations, not us. I have no problem with telling them that. imo, typically it doesn't hurt to say hello and mention your curiosity in their family and even your interest in adoption, without trying to guess about the other's situation, even if you put your awkward foot in your mouth a little. If they are friendly understanding people, they won't be offended. If they are not, then you probably would not want them as friends anyway!

Good question. :) I know I wouldn't be offended if someone came up and asked me, because I am always on the look out for other transracial families too. We too live in an area that while not un-diverse, is definitely segregated. While I am an open book, I realize a lot of people aren't. I usually get so flummoxed, I end up not saying something, and just staring like an idiot. :o

Its definately easier when you have a baby of color with you. "Your DS is so cute. I wonder if mine will have curls like that when he gets older. I am totally new to this black hair stuff." "DId he start out lighter than you and then get darker?" "I have been told you can get an idea of babies color from their ears." Generally things that make it pretty obvious that DS is not biologically mone. I am pretty blunt just in general. I have been known to squeal "OOOO Your black!!!" when meeting someone new in person I only knew over the phone and then explain I have a black son so black folks get extra friend points. I figure there is no point in pretending like I am normal just to increase the diversity in my life. I do avoid asking if children are adopted. It can be a provate thing. Race is public so I feel more comfortable starting with that topic. Often I will then ask if the child they have with them in biological, rather than asking is he is "theirs" or adopted.

OP, are you hoping to connect with transracial "adoptive" families, or transracial families in general? In our case, we have "transracial families" in our extended family, as well as friends who have adopted transracially. We have connected with other families that have adopted from Guatemala from all over the country, as well as in our area through the Guatemala forum, and now facebook. Some of the families are in our area and are now close friends. It is definately been a great experience for our DD, and our FD, to have these friends in our lives, as well as their biracial cousins. As far as approaching people, I don't think there is anything wrong with it. We get approached every now and then, and it's usually because someone is curious or even interested in adoption. I think the other posters had great ideas on how to go about it. Best wishes in your journey...:flower:

I think it is really important to connect with at least one transracially adoptive family. It is good to connect with families of your child's ethnic mix for sure, but meeting other transracial adoptive families is pretty vital, because trans racial issues and adoptive issues (and celebrations of mixed ethnicity for family and child) are very unique. I have watched my daughter really gravitate towards families who look like ours and visa versa. The way we usually meet them (outside of our friends and neighbors) is by smiling at each other. Sort of like you are um...I guess trying to find a date...sorta. If the kids click...you're in! You may also want to reach out and find other transracial adoptive families through groups and stuff in your general area and see if they have a support group or some kind of gathering. Knowing all kinds of people is really important, but there is a uniqueness to being adopted and to being in a mixed race family. When your son comes, people will probably approach you, especially (in my experience) black and Latino people (my children are AA/Latino), cause everyone LOVES babies :-). I know that my baby daughter still gets people coming up and reaching out to hold her...when she was little she loved it, now that she's a toddler...she's like..."um and you are?" some people get offended when she doesn't readily want to go to them, but it is a good conversation starter. We just met Delondra...the general manager of our neighborhood Vons that way :-) Now I feel like grocery store royalty cause I know the head cheese :-) I promise being a transracial family...you will go NOWHERE without being noticed...so when you do choose to approach someone, chances are they will have already scoped you out :-) It will be a lot easier when he gets here....HAVE FUN!

I think if what you are looking for is a diverse group of friends for your child to interact with, it won't matter if they are adopted or not. You would eventually find out the details (whether transracial adoption or interracial relationship) if you became friends at some point. I also agree with Nickchris. I would also look to find AA friends as well as that is important too.

We are an interracial family and I wouldnt be offended at all. Heck I would like to also meet other interracial couple too. :D

We are also interested in meeting families that look like ours. I was so tempted to talk to a family I saw at the park the other day. I chicken-ed out, but I spent so much time thinking about what I would say. I would love to be approached, but people tend to thing our son was from a previous relationship since he is bi-racial. I had thought if I did approach the family to ask "Was your family formed through adoption? Our family was and we are looking to make friends with families like ours". Hope this helps. I think your posts have given me more courage!