disclosure from agencies

Key question: if more kids are found to have problems prior to them being placed, is this likely to jeopardize their chances of placement? For all the fanfare about 'rescuing those poor kids', how many potential adoptive parents would be open to adopting kids with known problems? If 'rescuing kids' is the top priority, then IMHO it shouldn't matter if the kids have known problems.

i just wish that agencies would allow parents to choose for themselves what they can handle and what they can not.

Thanks for sharing your experiences and insights. Why do you think the placement agency withheld the information and for so long (2 years)?

What happens to agencies (either overseas or in the USA) that are found to have kept secrets? Where does the 'buck stop'?

well....my theory is because the kids had SOOO many disrupted placements due to their behavior they really wanted to stop moving them around and at the time could not even get them INto a foster family....when i met them they were living in a group home for kids they could not place, and so i think they decided to lie and cross their fingers and hope for a sucker. and they found one. me. when the kids started exhibiting very odd behavior....mind you i had never heard of RAD and did not know dd had PTSD i would call the worker and she would tell me (lie #1) she had never heard anything like it about these kids before. i asked multiple times if i could PLEASE get a psych eval on dd bc i needed to know what was going on and (lie #2) they told me she had never had one and they didn't think it was necessary. she just needed love and stability. when nearly 2 years had passed and we were finalizing...weird behaviors and all..... the worker called us and said we needed to have a psych eval so that they could do full disclosure for us before adoption. when we got to the psych, she knew our kids...she had tested them DAYS before they moved in with us. the psych gave us a copy of the initial report...the initial visit had also been set up by THEIR WORKER. (there goes lie #2) she knew they had one...and when we saw the original we knew why they did not tell us when they moved in....the list of diagnosis was SCARY...and the behaviors listed on the eval as reported by former caregivers was EXACTLY the behaviors i was reporting to the worker. (there goes lie #1). in addition to that, during disclosure, the SAME worker handed me not only the original psych report again.....but multiple reports from former caregivers, AGAIN reporting all the weird behaviors i reported. (there goes lie #1 again.) all that info right there in their file, reported by caregivers time and time again with every disruption...some placements that lasted only days....some by family members. no one could handle them. i think they honestly thought that these kids had no chance of ever finding a family and someone believed it would be in the best interest to lie. again....it worked out. and honestly, if i had known up front i probably would have never let them step foot in my house....and i would have missed out on some great kids. but on the other hand, it has been a difficult road, and i still believe i should have been able to make the decision myself as to whether or not the first children i parented would have this many issues. i do think it has made me a better person, and a better parent, to the point that i want to do this again ON PURPOSE.....but i still would never advocate for someone to do what was done to me. they knew.....and they knew i did not. and that was not fair to me or my children. my dd did not receive PROPER care or counseling for 2 years because i did not know what was REALLY wrong. [URL="http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2010/04/28/am.cho.russian.adoption.cnn?hpt=Sbin"]Video - Breaking News Videos from CNN.com[/URL] i just today saw this video where a family is suing the agency claiming they lied saying a doctor visited their child and said the child did not have FAS when in fact that visit never happend by the person they claimed visited. who knows what will happen....but i would think that if a family could prove that they were lied to....the agency should be held responsible. again...i think parents should be ready for the unknown. i agree with dr.aronson on this video that Russia is well known for kids having FAS and so parents should be prepared for that....but if an agency is saying dr. so and so visited your child in Russia and your son does not have FAS....then I can understand why a parent would go into it thinking their child was healthy and be upset about finding themselves parenting a special needs child.

Wow!!! I didn't know that the lies were so full-on!!!!! To me, it sounds like a serious case of malpractice. And the saddest thing is that neither the adoptive family or the kid(s) get the help they need since the information is deliberately withheld from them. I'm so sorry that you and your kids had to go through this and I applaud you on your strength and courage in hanging in there. BTW, what is 'RAD'?

the sad thing is we have many friends who have adopted from foster care who were also lied to. :( and you are right....it hurts everyone. RAD is reactive attachment disorder....bc my dd had lots of trauma early on....her mother died in her presence, he father nearly killed her more than once, her family rejected her and turned her over to social services, and from the age of 3 to 8 she had no consistent caregivers and spent most of her time living in group homes, then she is unable to or still struggling to form bonds with people. she can make quick bonds like make a best friend in a day that she will keep for a month, but can not yet make a long lasting bond- like to us. she does not believe or trust adults in her life unless they are strangers, and she has inappropriate contact and relationships with people she just meets. she wants to hurt people (including us) who try to get close to her to protect herself from being hurt again, and yet at the same time with some of the friends she does make she tends to choose people who hurt her because she feels "safe" being a victim. it is a vicious cycle of hurting and being hurt. she has been with us over 7 years now....and it is still sad to watch. :( we have had to learn to be a different kind of parent to her....and if we had known from the day she moved in, instead of nearly 2 years later, that this is where her odd behaviors came from, we may have been more successful at helping her heal since she would have been younger. time is of the essence with RAD. the sooner someone can help a child with RAD learn to trust and accept love, i believe the more likely they are to heal and learn to bond. i think many of the kids we hear about where parents are giving up or seeking help are kids who have the same problem with bonding (RAD). many of them are worse than my daughter...to the point that they don't want to bond with someone SO strongly that they want to hurt or kill them, stab their parents, burn down their house with them inside. i had a kindergarten student once who slept with a knife under his pillow one night, and then got up with the intention of killing his adoptive mom. he was FIVE! these kids can be violent and hurtful. someone once said to me, "how can she hurt you, you are the parent and she is 8!" talking about my dd.....but kids with RAD know how to be hurtful and can have no problem hurting someone because they have been hurt so badly. at that point...they are not "just kids." they are kids capable of some pretty horrible stuff. my dd has never tried to kill us, thankfully, but in the beginning she was definitely abusing anything smaller and more vulnerable than she was in our house, and she was more into mentally abusing everyone else. setting people up to "get in trouble." making false statements in public to get what she wanted, lying to teachers or cashiers at the store to "hurt us." it was very hard in the beginning. as a parent....it was really hard for me to love and help and raise a child who so badly hated me and let me know that every day of my life. it takes a toll on even the best parent. while rationally you know you are the parent, you chose this, you have to be the bigger person, you can't expect anything in return, at the same time....it is really difficult to have a one sided loving relationship with someone who wants you to be anywhere but there and will do anything to push you away.

My goodness.... I am practically speechless. Again, I commend you for being such a loving parent despite all the huge challenges! What are the chances of someone with such severe RAD 'healing' to the point where they're not such a full-on threat to themselves and those around them?