what your a-parents did right?

Very good question. We never talked about adoption that much, so it makes the question a bit difficult to answer. I think the one thing they did right was that they never made us feel that being adopted was anything but normal. There was nothing wrong with having two sets of parents, and curiosity was perfectly natural. There was nothing at all wrong with being adopted, and anyone, who might make a comment stating anything otherwise, or that we were something less than because we were adopted, was just stupid. That's the best I can do at the moment.

Deeply honest...no room for lies or less than the truth answers to questions. Stood up for us and tackled any problems head on and with truth and compassion. Family time. Breakfast and dinners were ate as a family. Church and activities together as a family. House and yard work completed as a family. Volunteering together as a family. Vacations were done as a family. Taught us and practiced looking at the big picture and not just following current societal practices, rather what was the right thing to do for all parties. From the time we were little ones told us they would do whatever they could to help us search when we were older...and did so for my sister as a teenager and for me asked the doctor who delivered me to get answers to my questions...they made it okay by telling us they would search. Never used the term birth mother/father except in the initial explanation to explain the differences between birth and adoption parents, then just referred to them as your mother or your father and continues that way to this day. No confusion as they are mom and dad... Did not give up and rehome my sister...not something they considered...we were their children...for better for worse...the same dedication to that vow as they did to their marriage vows. That dedication has continued with my sister for over 50 years... Taught us to give back each day, be kind, be gentle, not judge, to love. They taught us by their actions in how they lived their daily life, not just rules and words. They taught us about taking care of animals, the planet, our family, neighbors and strangers. No person or animal was ever turned away and they have recycled my entire life. They taught us about living a healthy lifestyle and how each fruit and vegetable was different in what nutrients it gave us and how to eat a healthy balance. How the differences in nutrient values were also affected by how it was cooked or perserved. They taught us how to be adults and be able to take care of all our own needs. Petitioned the courts to open my records after my events when I was too sick to do it myself. Good thread Ripples. Kind regards,Dickons

Dickons - and there is a difference isn't there? My sons' don't "get" how babies get here - yet, but soon. But they somehow seem to get the distinction between the mother/father and mom/dad. The words are unimportant. My Mom called her mother "mother" all her life. They understand there is another "one" out there. They don't get it all yet, but with 3 adopted kids down the streed - adopted at 8, 10 and 10 two years ago (from Russia), they moved here just as we moved back, so it's been a better catalyst to discuss adoption because the kids bring it up..... They know they have 2 mothers. But they also know they have 1 mom. The "real" thing as come up - again, by them because the boys down the street say that their sister isn't their "real" sister.....I asked them if they thought THEIR sister wasn't their "real" sister and they looked at me like I was insane because of COURSE she is. It was a longish conversation - for us - about adoption but in general they just shrugged, then went out to play.

MkMw, Exactly...perfectly said. Kind regards,Dickons

raising 1. They gave me a secure home and family 2. They taught me the importance of family ties by being close with their extended family and celebrating their individual family trees. 3. They taught me the importance of education and financial stability by example. 4. They taught me respect of myself, authority, people, animals and property 5. They had family breakfast and dinner at the table, family chores, family home and vehicle repairs, family garden and preserving, family volunteer work, church with family, family fun vacations, family educational trips and visit other family trips. 6.They taught me to be self-sufficient, clean, healthy, honest and hard working. 7.They taught all of their children not to fight or try to kill each other LOL while encouraging healthy competition and teaching how to win and loose with grace. 8. They taught me that laughter is the best medicine (mom is/was a pharmicist, and dad is a goofball) 9.They always refered to 'them' to me as my mother and father, which I'm really thankful for now. 10. Mom always made all of my birthdays and family holidays special, memorable. 11. They taught me appropriate social manners, which has been one of the most helpful things they ever taught me! (I don't always use them, but I know when I am not!) Search/Reunion 0. 1. My Dad has great upsidedown reading skills, so he wrote down what he thought to be my mothers name at the time of my adoption, and gave it to me when I asked, as an adult. They had no more info, no documents to give, or suggestions on how to find any more info. So it's just that one little tidbit that was helpful to me in this catagory, still took 20+ more years to find her. I mostly searched in secret, and told after I had found and met. Post reunion 1. In line getting hot dogs while they attempt to hide their true feelings, with little luck lol but I appreciate the attempt, and I do like hot dogs w/chili. 2.My mom read Primal wound, and said she saw it in me and wished she had known earlier, and cried. That was awesome. Since then has begun to agree more with Dad. 3.Dad's thoughts on it - still not so sure the primal wound isn't bunk but it doesn't really matter anyway does it - the bills still have to be paid and taxes are due and we're all gonna die, what's for dinner? gotta love ((((dad)))) 4. they aren't interested in getting to know any of the rest of my family and find it difficult to discuss them with me much, so they probe my children for info (hey, that CAN be good for ME LOL my kids are tuff, one is an adult, better them than me LOL but it does ruffle my feathers if I see they feel uncomfortable or stuck in the middle. My kids speak their mind with the Nana and Gdad, much better than I ever have. But Nana and Gdad can blame their mother for the way they were raised to talk to their grandparents LOL) In the end, nearly 50 years later - 1.They've made me feel loved. 2.They taught me to be confident in myself and to be independant. 3.They were there for me when I needed them most. 4.They haven't given up on me yet, and now, I don't believe they ever will. 5.Most importantly to me, now, they are there for my kids. And out of all of their grandkids (the rest bio) my kids seem to be the ones they want to spend more time with. So :) :p 6. We enjoy each others company very much now, so much, in addition to spending our regular week together at the beach in June, we rented a house for a week in the mountains in August, and have planned a 10 day lazy cruise together in October. Life is too short.