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Hi I am new to this site and to taking adoption seriously. I am 31 and a few months ago decided to google adoption to see what the emotions surrounding adoption are for adoptees. Boy was i surprised.:confused: Since that moment I have read Primal Wound and the memoir Whose Child. This has helped me understand myself and my issues. I was born in 1979 and was adopted at 11 months later through a Jewish Adoption Agency in the midwest with closed records. I was put into foster care because of a traumatic birth involving cyanosis and hypothermia and a beta strip infections. whew. but later on i was checked out fine by the docs and put up for adoption. While I received these records from the adoption agency 4 years ago (when i was 27) i am only now taking them to heart and putting the puzzle pieces i can find together. Oh, and i am in contact with my birth mother's brother and his family. My birth mother past years ago :wings:. Im going to light a candle for her tonight.
I am here writing this now because i now understand my lifelong anxiety which is very physical. It includes shakey nerves and a very uncomfortable feeling if i dont get enough sleep-- its like my adrenal system has to work extra hard and i feel back pain, head discomfort, and a gloomy outlook i have to try to break out of. But if i sleep well, i am usually ok. Though i have a pretty good sense o humor :) :banana: i am hyper sensitive, afraid of rejection and abandonment. I always tell people ild make a great look out as i can hear a pin drop. Over the last couple years i have been working towards healthy, deep relationships with friends. I would like to start dating again with my new found self knowledge and self control (before my ego was very easily damaged).
OK so after many years of therapy for my problems with my adoptive parents (have forgiven their limits and lack of knowledge about adoptees) and trying to get my shi-tuff :arrow: together i am at the beginning of recognizing the effects of birth trauma. I have accomplished a lot but need to build more self support and confidence in order to be a real adult:hissy: :clown:
I guess im writing this to make my story real and join this community, and i also would love to hear from sensitive adoptees and how they cope and handle relationships and talk to the people in their life about their issues. This was a lot of sharing... thanks for reading and best with your own selfwork.
:eyebrows: Alison in Brooklyn
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Hi Alison,Welcome to the forums! I've found the people here very supportive and empathetic. Good for you for delving deeper into your adoption-related feelings, sharing your experiences and exploring ways to manage the effects. And everything you've written sounds very understandable and I'm sure that there are many here who can relate (including me). I really do think that managing adoption-related effects is like trying to manage asthma - occasionally you may get more severe attacks - but you learn to live with it. You can see in my profile history of posts and threads how I've stumbled along my own journey in managing adoption-related stuff. I wish you well in your own selfwork journey - it sounds like you've already done tons of honest, hard work and have a good outlook. :3d: Cheers,
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Alison,
This may not be the right thing to say but I guess I would say it is apparent that there is a strong, compassionate person deep down inside of you that you can find so you are definitely on the right track in finding healing. You read my post about my birth mother but what was not there is that my birth father is a serial rapist. For you some of this is physical damage that was caused and is out of your control but I would say do not let your birth define you as a person. You can be whoever you want to be. I did not know about my adoption stuff as a teenager but was very sensitive and melodramatic, lots of contributing factors but I remember the constant turmoil and how everything felt like the oceans waves about to knock me over and pull me in, boy trouble, parents, school, work, the pressures of life felt overwhelming, I emotionally was pushed to a suicide attempt, promiscuality, alcohol and hurting a lot of people I was close to, not to mention doing a lot of things that are totally out of my character. There is no magic way to get there, for me it was counseling, growing up some (alot), removing myself from all unhealthy relationships, and anti-depressants but I feel steady now and know that I don't have to feel that way again. I'm now 30, married 5 years with 3 kids but I'm at peace and it's only been for about 2 years. In time as long as you keep pushing forward and challenging yourself to heal I think you will get to a place where you can feel happiness and joy. I wish you the best, take care.