6 weeks pregnant and I need to rant.

I am sorry to hear how you feel. It's not easy to be working and still having it hard money wise. Though this baby was not planned I still think this child was meant to be. You have to think long and hard what decision you can live with...abortion is not an end all to your situation...adoption though hard is still easier in the sense..that you gave your child a chance. You deserve peace, and happiness in your life...and to be 22 and sad, I once was there myself. I grew up with a lot of craziness..was very sick growing up and found out around your age..that My Dad who I grew up was not my biological Dad. I went through a lot of sadness even when I did get pregnant...I wanted to have a child but was miserable and depressed for a long time after. I also felt trapped, yet my DH did make great money..so I "should" have been happier then I was. I felt overwhelmed and sad for a long time...but I can report that today at nearly 38...life is a whole lot easier. It sounds like you are overwhelmed too and with your situation...you have a right to be. Taking this time and talking to others about how you feel is truly the best thing you can do right now. I, ironically after all the craziness have been trying to adopt myself...a far cry of how I "used" to feel. I today am middle-class, and have 2 older biological boys, so I don't fall in the category of rich people. Adoptive parents all come from different backgrounds and if you chose that route..then you have the power to pick who YOU want...in the end, you have to be comfortable with your decision. You may be struggling right now, but I can honestly say as you get older, things usually get better. I feel so bad for you because I went through a time in my life where I felt so much like you. Please keep talking and know...that however you feel..it's ok to feel that way. I wish you luck and peace in whatever you decide to do. I personally feel you are a great person who is just feeling a whole lot of things right now...otherwise you wouldn't have posted.

I believe that women who choose to be surrogates for women who cannot get pregnant are compensated. Not every adoptive couple is "old or rich" and many CAN and HAVE had biological children of their own. Doing some research about adoption might clarify that for you. I think you'd be surprised at the diversity among adoptive families. That being said - if you don't want to parent, and you do not want to be pregnant, then it seems as though you have one option, right? Right now I am sure this is more frustrating and annoying than anything else [I'm an adoptee and not a biological mom to a relinquished child nor have I ever been pregnant]. However, a free trip to the dentist while on Medicaid is not a "good" reason to choose adoption, you know? The reasons why you would choose adoption are and *should be* reasons like: You do not want to have an abortion. You understand that you, as a pregnant woman, have the ability to give an adoptive family a very wonderful blessing. You understand that you, as a pregnant woman, can give your unborn child a better life than you're living - which, as an adoptee, I can say is a great gift. Biological mothers who relinquish their children are not like dogs that are bred for a living, you know? The reasons why MOST biological mothers now [I am excluding the women who relinquished during the "Baby Scoop Era" - when babies were essentially taken from women against their will] choose to place their child for adoption include the reasons listed above, among others, but the general reason is something like "I know that I can't afford this baby, but I want to do something selfless and place this child for adoption so that this baby can have a great life with a family who wants them very much." See what I'm saying? Perhaps as time goes on your feelings will shift a bit. I imagine you'll make a decision based on a lot of thought and discussion and not make a decision based on something like a trip to the dentist. I understand you came here for support, and perhaps I should not be saying this at all, BUT - we all know that relying on "natural birth control" [i.e. avoiding sex when you "think" you're ovulating...] is not an effective form of birth control. While you didn't intend on getting pregnant, you did. You work for a living and to support your family, and you love your kids - you sound like an intelligent woman. There ARE ways of obtaining very low-cost birth control [Planned Parenthood] so there's just no excuses to be made here. You HAVE options, and you have to explore them all while remembering that the life of this child is #1. I've dealt with almost 26 years of "weirdness." Yes, it's sometimes "weird" being an adoptee. But overall, I have to tell you that it is also amazing, because I was adopted by a wonderful family and have had a very privileged life [now, not all adoptees feel this way or have shared in this experience, so I cannot speak for them - just me!] Whether you have an abortion, choose to parent this child, or relinquish the baby for adoption, there will be emotional consequences. You have to seek out support [again, call Planned Parenthood and explain where you're at and ask them to point you in the right direction], do your homework and make a decision based on what is best for this unborn child, first of all, followed by YOU and your family.

My husband & I are starting the process of adoption. We are not rich people - we struggle ourselves with how to pay for adoption expenses. It's hard to think I can not get pregnant but neither can i afford to adopt a baby! But God provides always and even though you didn't plan this baby you are carrying, he did!

Surrogacy compensation is illegal in Indiana (where I'm from) and many other states. If one is pro-choice, what is the difference between continuing a pregnancy as a favor for another couple who wants to adopt, and getting pregnant for them in the first place to be a surrogate? I'm not a materialistic person, I just wonder why I can't benefit a little (pay off some debt) if the only reason I don't abort is so that somebody else can benefit from my pregnancy? I realize many people will think that that is immoral and evil. But I don't see why. I do realize that not every couple wanting to adopt is old or rich, but so many of them are. I have already began pouring through profiles of potential adoptive parents on various websites. The old/rich thing was probably uncalled for on my part. I'm just generally frustrated with life right now. Well that's the thing. I haven't decided against abortion yet. Abortion or adoption, that is the question.... Haha, yes well obviously. I realized I only had about a 50% chance of it working. I was constantly stressed and worried every month until my period came. I was on the depo shot until I couldn't afford it anymore... Planned Parenthood... their birth control isn't free. It is a little bit cheaper, but I'd also have to keep returning to an office to get more. The closest one is a 30min drive, the gas costs money and I also don't have a car... or a driver's license for that matter...

That's sad. I do feel bad for people who can't have children and want them.

I get that you're trying to turn a negative into a positive. But you made a choice NOT to use birth control [the reasons why do not matter]. To try and find ways to benefit from what is, unfortunately, irresponsible behavior on your part seems quite selfish to me. The fact is - you did not get pregnant because you'd agreed to be a surrogate for someone; you became pregnant because you did not use birth control, right? That being said, trying to profit from a "mistake" just seems selfish and immature. I get that you have extenuating circumstances that prevent you from obtaining birth control, but where there is a will there's a way - you could have gotten birth control if you knew that you did not want to become pregnant again. I used birth control even when it was a bit of a stretch for me to be able to afford it. I just budgeted. Or, I didn't have sex. It sucked, but I didn't get pregnant. It is neither immoral nor evil - just selfish. Hey, I'm pro choice but I am very careful about sharing my opinion with regard to whether or not a woman should choose abortion - even if I'm reading her post and thinking you know what, perhaps that is an option she should seriously consider. As an adoptee who has had a positive adoption experience, I believe the following: that the biological mother should parent her child IF at all possible [and it IS, you just need to be diligent about seeking the right SUPPORT system] and if that IS NOT possible, then adoption is generally a really wonderful option. You have to understand that MOST people here believe that a child should remain with their biological family if at all possible [yes, I recognize that in some situations it is dangerous for the child to remain with bio family]. Adoption is a double-edged sword. Yes, a couple who wishes to adopt will "benefit," as you suggest, but adoption isn't a quick and easy deal. If you'd like me to explain the emotional repercussions of being an adoptee, send me a PM & I'd be happy to clarify. I'm just trying to convey to you how becoming pregnant unexpectedly isn't like an episode of "Let's Make a Deal." You have a family to consider - your husband and the two kids you love - as well as an unborn child who deserves the best life possible. And then there's YOU - you didn't make the best choices, but you also deserve to be happy and healthy. So rather than figuring out how you can profit from this unplanned pregnancy, I hope that you adjust your thinking and figure out which decision will be the best decision for your family, your unborn baby and yourself. It isn't uncalled for; I am sure that lots of young women who become pregnant and are thinking about adoption have this idea of what adoptive parents are like. And I get that you're frustrated, really! I'm not trying to seem like I know it all - I'm just trying to give you some "food for thought," if you will. You're what, six weeks along? You have time. I'd suggest finding the # for social services/the dept. of health/something similar and calling them and asking them who you should speak to. Maybe an adoption counselor or a social worker or someone who can lay it all out on the table for you and educate you a bit more so that you can make a really informed decision. And, if it comes down to whether or not you can "profit" from this pregnancy, perhaps this individual can also let you know if you'll qualify for health care, etc. while you are pregnant. Some adoptive couples, especially in open adoptions, pay for the biological mother's health care while she is pregnant. That includes prenatal care, the whole nine yards [maybe a dentist visit, too]. So, that's something you'd probably be interested in. I give you credit for coming here and being really brutally honest and so candid but the one thing that I want to emphasize is that this unplanned pregnancy can't be treated like some kind of financial transaction. It's a baby. Adoption has a lot of stereotypes and many people see it as a "big business" and not as a means of creating families but you just have to remember that you don't come first anymore. That's not always a glorious reality for parents, especially moms, but that's what happens when you have kids/become pregnant!

As a birth mother, I'm having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around the fact that you want to financially benefit from placing your baby for adoption. That is so off-base, I don't even know how to respond. I spend literally hours each day trying to dispel negative sterotypes of birth moms, so it kind of unsettles me when I see someone who appears to be falling right in line with how society perceives a bmom to be like. You gaining any financial benefit, other than actual maternity expenses or living expenses while pregnant, is called baby selling. It is immoral, unethical...and frankly against the law.

Thank you. You [once again] said what I wanted to say but was afraid to. I danced around it. I think that Jekkize is just trying to find a reason to remain pregnant and choose adoption, but they're just the WRONG reasons - right now. I'm hoping that the more she learns the better-equipped she'll be to make a good choice...one that is based on information and selflessness rather than selfishness and dollar signs.

I realize it's the woman who pays the larger price when there is an unintended pregnancy, however, it irks me that the responsibility for the BC should fall solely on the woman's shoulders. Her husband was also responsible, and we don't know the whole story here. Is he someone who refuses condoms? Does he expect sex from the OP and will not accept a "no" from her? Does he refuse to engage in other ways to have sex that don't include the way that results in a baby (don't want to get too graphic here, but I think you can get my drift). The OP has a LOT to think about here, but I don't think it's helpful to call names like immature and selfish. She's being honest, is obviously frustrated and upset, and in a rough place right now. OP, you still have a little time to consider all your options. If you don't wish to continue the pregnancy, you need to figure that out soon. Have you called around to see what is available in terms of financial help for low-income women? If you decide to move ahead with the pregnancy, then your options will be raising the child, surrendering the child to adoption or looking into some sort of temporary guardianship. You need information, though, to make an informed decision, and you also need some unbiased counseling, IMO. This is not an easy decision to make alone. What kind of support system do you have in terms of family and friends? Regardless of what you decide and how this situation pans out, I would absolutely INSIST on a tubal if you do not want more children. If one doc refuses, find another (and another if you need to). My friend had three kids at a young age, and after her third, she got her tubes tied. She was about your age. If you are absolutely sure you are done having children, and you want permanent birth control, you should be able to obtain it.

I agree. I think it goes without saying that her husband bears responsibility too and could have found a way of obtaining BC too. I'm not calling the original poster immature or selfish - just saying that her reasons for potentially choosing adoption ARE immature and selfish. I wrote earlier that she seems to have it together - I mean, she's working and trying to support a family. And I commended her for being candid and honest. I can tell that she's processing it all in her head and I imagine that she'll get informed and make a good decision. Coming here and venting and accepting opinions is a great first step.

Totally agree with you Raven...selling babies is the same as child trafficking...selling a human life - it literally blows my mind and makes me sick. Completely and utterly wrong. Kind regards,Dickons