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I have never posted here before, but I have a question that I am hoping that some of you can answer...
Was your partner always on board with the idea of adopting?
Due to medical reasons I cannot have anymore children, but I do have a bio daughter. I have ALWAYS wanted at least two children, but as soon as my dh found out we couldn't have more, he said okay and that was that. I mentioned adopting to him, but since our daughter is still an infant he said he couldn't even think about adopting. He told me that he is not interested in adopting at all (but he did mention that he may change his mind in the future...)
Has anyone else gone through this?
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It took my husband a while, too. I agree with momraine that you can't until he is ready. I would bring it up periodically with my hubby just so he knew I was still thinking about it. ;)
Chrissy
Yeah, I would tell my husband about friends who adopted (even friends I made online!). I did start researching quietly so that if he ever had a question about it I knew the answer! LOL
Thank you all so much for your input. We just had a very good talk about it. He was very open to hearing my thoughts and even mentioned that he is not ready yet, but is interested in revisiting the idea soon :)
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It took my husband a while to realize that he wanted to do it, as well. It was very hard for me when he didn't have an interest in it, but I knew that I couldn't do a thing until he was ready, as well. He is now as ready as I am and it feels like 500 pounds are lifted off of my shoulders. We do not have any children, though. Good luck to you and him, both!
I think that's great that you were able to talk to him about it and that's he's open to discussing it again soon. Best of Luck!!
Chrissy
lovemysoldier
I have never posted here before, but I have a question that I am hoping that some of you can answer...
Was your partner always on board with the idea of adopting?
Due to medical reasons I cannot have anymore children, but I do have a bio daughter. I have ALWAYS wanted at least two children, but as soon as my dh found out we couldn't have more, he said okay and that was that. I mentioned adopting to him, but since our daughter is still an infant he said he couldn't even think about adopting. He told me that he is not interested in adopting at all (but he did mention that he may change his mind in the future...)
Has anyone else gone through this?
DH and I were both committed to adoption from the time we decided to move that direction. We are raising two children through adoption. That said, I have had a deep desire to add another child to our family through fostering and possibly adopting (although that isn't necessarily the goal) but he doesn't want to go through it all again. I don't blame him at all. I am making a new dream now and enjoying life with my family. I have to respect my DH's wishes in this.
Update-
Fast forward to today.. Somehow the subject came up again earlier and he asked "would we be able to pick our adopted child's name??" I was so excited because he was expressing interest. AND just a min. ago I was telling him more about the research I was doing and he said "I am more open to the idea now that I know more about it..."
YAY! What a huge step for us! I am so happy
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YAy, glad you guys have an open communication going on. So important.
One other thing that may have been on his mind...is that you all have an infant still....I know for me *personally* I daydream about WHEN I adopt another one....but the days after sleepless nights or sickness, or crying....I usually am...ugh no more, can't think about it now.
Maybe that didn't even cross his mind...so ignore post LOL.
But glad to hear that you guys are getting on the same page. :) Good luck navigating your next steps :)
DH and I have been discussing option adoption for about 2 1/2 yrs now but it seemed like something kept pushing it to the back burner ( my mother diagnosed with cancer, me laid off from job, mother passed away, DH laid off...) but know we're on the same page and the right path BUT it's a challenge. Here we are! Ready for the ride!
Oh yes! My hubby and I had a daughter, very difficult pregnancy and then I wanted to adopt in 2006. He said no wayyyyyy! Now fast forward, it is 2010 and we have bought books, are much more educated and he is all for it and we start our homestudy in January. I never thought I would see the day! It could take time so try can help inform him, he is not alone, maybe more the norm!
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MH wasn't entirely on board.. I mentioned it first only a few months after we got married and i started to get the feeling that the "good old fashioned way" wasn't going to work. It wasn't an idea he was familiar with, and he was pretty sure that we would be able to get pregnant... as time went on and the treatments started we sat down and talked about what was more important.. making a baby or having a family... we decided that we'd pursue adoption. As he learned more, and we talked and researched, he agreed. Emotionally... it was the best decision for us.
The whole process was alot of talks over the course of 3 years. We even ended up in therapy over the issue.
Give your husband time, he may come around, or maybe you will change your mind.. you never know. For now, enjoy your child's time as an infant.. and let life play out. :-)
It's great to see this post and then see your updates as you progress. Any updates as of now (September 2011)?