Advertisements
Advertisements
I'm afraid dh and I may be at a crossroads in our adoption journey. We both want to adopt our foster daughter with all our hearts. But if this doesn't happen, I'd like to focus on adopting an older waiting child, whereas my hubby thinks it should just be me and him if we can't keep Baby V.
I was where he is just a few weeks ago, not able to even think about what life might be like without Baby V, so I'm hoping he'll come around, but he's made this comment before, when we were trying to adopt independently and kept having bmoms change their minds.
I think he'd like to parent, but it isn't imperative for him. He can take it or leave it. He's like that in most areas of life. Now I'm starting to question my desire to parent as well. I think I would regret not having adopted. I want a child that will be ours forever. I would love for that child to be Baby V, but if it's not....
Has anyone been at this fork in the road with their significant others? Any advice?
Like
Share
anilorak13ska
I'm afraid dh and I may be at a crossroads in our adoption journey. We both want to adopt our foster daughter with all our hearts. But if this doesn't happen, I'd like to focus on adopting an older waiting child, whereas my hubby thinks it should just be me and him if we can't keep Baby V.
I was where he is just a few weeks ago, not able to even think about what life might be like without Baby V, so I'm hoping he'll come around, but he's made this comment before, when we were trying to adopt independently and kept having bmoms change their minds.
I think he'd like to parent, but it isn't imperative for him. He can take it or leave it. He's like that in most areas of life. Now I'm starting to question my desire to parent as well. I think I would regret not having adopted. I want a child that will be ours forever. I would love for that child to be Baby V, but if it's not....
Has anyone been at this fork in the road with their significant others? Any advice?
In our marriage, it takes a yes by both of us on something this big. DH wasn't really motivated to go the extra mile to have a family when we first started, not because he didn't want to be a dad, but because he is a "one step at a time" kind of person. He's taught me alot by being that way, taking what is and living in that moment or time, and then dealing with the next decision as it comes up. That is all I would be able to do in your situation. Enjoy Baby V while baby is here, and know that down the road you may or may not have to make the decision you're talking about. I hope it works out the best for your family!
Like
Share
Advertisements
My dh and I were at a cross roads for 5 years. I was ready for another child when DD#2 was 1 year old. DH wasn't ready for another child. DH was back in school at the time and kept saying "Ask me in a year." So I would. I also nagged him for about 3 years. When DD#2 was 4 years old, he said in a frustrated voice "FINE! Draw up the paper work." I could tell in that moment that my marriage was more important to me than another child (I am very grateful for the 2 wonderful girls we have.) I only wanted to raise another child if DH was on board too. I didn't expect him to be AS on board as me ;) , but not just giving in to me.
Fast forward to Nov.2010, DD#1 is 8.5 years old and DD#2 is 6. I have rarely brought up more kids in the last 2 years. DH comes home from work and says (out of the blue), "You know what? Fill out the adoption application. I know I won't regret it." He said this with a smile on his face and a kiss on my cheek :)
We had a distrupted adoption this April, but while we had baby girl, my DH was SOOOOOOOO great with her. We had her for 2 weeks and DH brought me to tears daily with how accepting and "on board" he was with our third child. I was so happy that I waited for him to be on the same page as me. I also had to be prepared that he would never change his mind.
Now the rest is up to an emom (and/or dad.)
Good luck!
Nora
Like
Share