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Our daughter is 4 months old. During the planning of the adoption and at TPR her birthparents chose no contact after birth. Her birthmother thought it might be too hard. However they have had access to our Facebook accounts and they told us at TPR that they liked to go on there to look at the pictures. Through Facebook we have been in contact with them off/on. Always when they contact us first. Ususally it is not relating to the adoption. Now birthmother says that they feel more open to any communication. She said that they have talked about maybe getting together with us because my husband and my daughter's birthfather have so much in common. She doesn't mention wanting to see the baby but I get the impression that she is more comfortable with the idea. I have wanted an open adoption from the beginning. We have known the birthmother for a long time and there are many people in our family/friends who know that she is our daughter's birthmother just because we live in the same area. My husband is less comfortable with our daughter having contact with them. He is afraid it will confuse her as she is growing up. What have your experiences been with open adoption? Good? Bad?
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Hi! Our son is the same age as your daughter, and we have been communicating with his birth family since birth. In the past few months, there have been a few moments in which his birth parents have been a bit hard to track down, but we mainly communicate via text message. His birth father's mom has been to our home twice, and we chat quite a bit on facebook. She is closer to our age than our sons's bio parents, and we are developing a closer relationship with her than I could have imagined.
So far, we have only seen benefit from the relationship. We will undoubtedly hit a few bumps along the way, but we are all doing this for him. I am an adult adoptee, from the closed era, and I wish that I could have grown up knowing all sides of my history.
Best of luck to all of you!!:hippie:
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Right now our adoption is semi-open, but I'm hoping that I can take my son to see his birth mom this summer. As for the confusion part, I really don't think so. My son has always known who mom really is. He never confused mom with grandma or his aunts, so I haven't worried about him ever confusing his birth mom with me. It's all a moot point now because of his brain injury; he won't understand meeting his birth mom in a few months, but it's still important to me.
I do think openness is (with few exceptions) the best option for the children. For good or bad, they will know all their family. No mysteries
Our OA varies from day to day. Right now I'm in a "waiting for the other shoe to drop", setting boundaries phase. I wouldn't change it for the world
As a birthmom in an open adoption for almost 4 yrs now and having done countless hours of research on the affects of openness in adoption, I can say that it is in your child best interest to know their birth family. As long as it doesnt pose a threat to their safety. If you think about how you would feel or what you would want I believe I'd be safe to assume that knowing where you came from and how you ended up where you are is very important to the emotional and psychological development of the child. every year when we have our visit with our son and his family I'm amazed by the love that is shared between all of us...common denominator being that sweet smart special little boy that has more love than he knows what to do with!!
Studies show that open adoptions and knowing their birth parents do NOT confuse children. You can check out Creating a Family at [url=http://www.creatingafamily.org/]Welcome to Creating a Family[/url]. Listen to their most recent radio show. It's all about openness and it's a very good show!
:hippie:
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