The good and the bad - From the adoptee

I guess you could say I'm your average adoptee. I was a foster child (along with my 6 week old brother) at the age of 18 months. I don't remember much, but I do remember the court judge asking me if I wanted to live my adoptive parents. I remember getting excited when other children were brought into the family and later adopted. My family grew from just me and my brother to 11. That may not be your average adoptee, but my feelings as an a adoptee were normal. My adoptive parents were strict, and very religious. There were so many children, we mainly kept each other company. New clothes were rare, far and few inbetween. Why was always a regular question for me. Why was I put up for adoption? Why did my parents not want me? Why was I put in a family where I was just "another child" and not a daughter. I was "informed" by a family member that the reason behind my adoption was young age, and drugs. 8 years ago, I came on here with information I had found, and found my mother. I was so excited, dreams fling in my head, I was just so excited. My expectations were SKY HIGH. When I met her, I knew right away that she was my mother. I looked like her, I talked like her. Only thing I wasn't expecting was that it wasn't all a bed of roses, and things weren't always wonderful. I'm afraid that put a strain on our relationship because I started resenting her for putting us up for adoption. And when I asked for info on my birth father, she was hurt, as if I was trying to replace her. I only wanted a father. A chance to possibly have a real family, with a mother and father that loved me more than 10 others. A father who would dress me up in little frilly dresses and call me his little girl. 8 years later, after asking her again for I think the third time, she finally gave me my father's information. 6 hours later of research.... I found my father in a sobering facility. He's spent 31 of my 35 years of life in the penitentiary. Knowing how my first experience went with my mother.... I didn't have any expectations this time. So why this drawn out story? Because we as adoptees have spent many years dreaming of the day we meet our birth parents. My birth mother pretends that my adoptive parents are lying about why i was adopted. My birth father accepts and takes responsibility for his wrong doing. I have found that the less I expected, the better the reunion. And there is a reason you were adopted. Be thankful for what you had, not what you didn't have. And when you do finally get what you want, embrace it openly and realistically. By the way, I have forgiven my birth mother....I learned to move forward, not backwards.