What is typical of an open adoption?

Mamamac we just wrote such an agreement [url=http://anickelsworthofcommonsense.blogspot.com/2010/05/openness-agreement-part-5.html]A Nickel's Worth of Common Sense: Openness Agreement: Part 5[/url] We originally had the visits at 1 every two months (our agreement was with mom however) and then changed that to state a MINIMUM of 1 every two months which made her more comfortable. We live in the same small town and it made sense to have an agreement that they were comfortable with.

With us, we have 2 different sibling groups but the 2 agreements are basically the same. Ours is legally binding.We have 2 visits per year, 2 hrs each. They are completely supervised by DH and I. At this point, we would never allow an unsupervised visit or overnight. We do not do phone calls, but bio mom of 1 group does email the kids...we read what is appropriate. We can end the visit at any time if the visit is going badly. We had our first visit in Feb. We were there for over 3 hrs, despite only planning on 1 1/2 hr max. Technically I'm not sure the grandmother has grandparent rights if TPR is done. There is no legal relationship anymore. Most people say set the agreement with the most strict you will go and then lighten it up as you go. We knew 2 was the max we felt comfortable being legally bound to. However, as the relationship grows and changes, we are more open to the idea of pictures and 'updates' through email more than the 2x a year that we'd set. Leave a way out, such as x amount of missed visit and you will limit or end contract. Jail over x amount of days/weeks/months limit or ended. Whatever boundaries you feel you need.

WE adopted our DD through foster care too. Mom relinquished to us by naming us as th adoptive parents and the attorney wrote an agreement which we signed. It gave Mom 4 visits a year and regular pics/updates. I wish the visits were only two a year because it works out to be a visit every 12 weeks. We haven't had that many yet because of Mom, but still, I fell obligated to try to arrange them. It's not that I want her bioMom to see her less, but instead it's the work involved in trying to get Mom to a visit and all of that stuff. I also wanted to not have visits the first 6 months to a year so DD could get adjusted to us. It sort of worked out that we got 5 months without seeing her, so that helped.

We have a very open adoption with our daughter, we live in the same small town as her biomom. We see here every 3 months minimum... but in reality, much more often.We have a semi-open adoption with our son, pictures and updates through a third party. Our son's parents live very far away and it would not be safe or smart for us to visit them... if he wants to some day, when he's bigger and can protect himself, I will support that decision. But his parents are not "safe" people and did horrible things to my son. The reason we do have an open adoption with them despite this... they are very apologetic and realize they made very serious mistakes in their parenting of him.

Great, this helps. GM currently lives in another state, and drives up to get K Friday afternoons. Takes her 4 hours away to see her brother in residential and comes back that evening. This is per CW, and every month. She doesn't have rights since TPR, but she was the intervenor in the case, and really pushed for visitation after TPR. She wants to continue this every month unsupervised visit, plus weekly phone calls, occasional mailings and wants a 1 week visit in the summer at her house (her husband is a sex offender). Absolutely not on that one! I was thinking that every month would be unreasonable, and I can see now that it is. My FD is 10. I don't want to create a situation where FD will one day want to go live with GM because she is more fun. She gets to do the fun stuff on her visits, and I get to do all of the work! Plus, I'm not sure GM can respect our role as the parent - she can't seem to control her mouth. She is always saying things she shouldn't and they get back to me.

Our state also does not allow open adoptions. So anything we say about having contact in the future is not legally binding. I tell everyone involved that the visits will be dependent on what is best for the children, NOT what is desired by the adults. For us this means very frequent (every week or two) contact with the maternal grandparents and no contact with the birth parents at this time. The judge has warned the gparents repeatedly that we are in no way obligated to continue these visits and we could cut them off entirely after the adoption goes through. So they're taking a leap of faith that we won't disappear with their grandkids. Since we're now building a home only four miles from them I don't think they're too concerned.