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Many people know or find out that my DD and DS are not biologically mine and that we are in the process of adopting. I am also now pregnant and starting to show. DH and I elected adoption because we felt it was the right thing to do and the right situation presented itself. This happened before we tried having biological children. Frankly, we were so enamored of our kids that we kind of decided to stop trying only to find out we were a little too late. When people find out that I got pregnant while adopting they assume that we were only adopting in the first place due to infertility. I get a lot of stories of people who adopted then got pregnant, which are great! I also get a lot of sympathy for my supposed infertility issues which is really awkward. Infertility is a huge issue for so many couples that I don't want to demean or diminish it but I'm frankly taken aback at how to respond to this unwarranted sympathy. If anyone has a good comeback for this without having to share my reproductive history with anyone who asks I would love to hear it!
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Congratulations. :) You could just say "well before we had a chance to think about having bio kids this wonderful situation presented itself, so that's how we chose to start our family." That way it sums it up neatly, without going into your private business. It think it also shows people that adoption isn't a last resort, kwim? :eyebrows:
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jcm - That's really a lovely response. I may use that myself. It does bug me when people assume I have IF issues. I could really care less what they think about me. But I figure they must assume adoption is somehow a "second best" route to parenthood. And possibly also that those who do have IF issues only adopt because they "have" to. Mostly I ignore these sorts of comments because I just don't have the time or patience for educating everyone. {sigh}
I find a lot of the comments people make offputting. We chose to adopt before trying for a bio child. I had no desire to be pregnant. As we were exploring the adopting process, we decided to see where we stood fertility wise and actually were given a less than 1% of conceiving naturally and were told if we went through IVF we would probably need donor sperm. So we continued on the adoption process (our first choice anyway). We adopted DD's last year. And now I am living proof that even a less than 1% chance is more than zero chance. I'm pregnant. And the comments I get have been real doozies, to say the least. "Now you are going to have a real child" "this will be your child" and other wonderful comments like that.
Aw, shucks, thanks y'all! We went through infertility too, and that "now you will get pregnant!" wears real thin with me. No matter how many times I have explained to my mother (in detail, no less), she still trots that line out every now and again. Sigh. Wow. I would have a hard time controlling myself. I know I was just on another thread saying how I let a lot of ignorant (meaning unintentional) comments slide, but this is ignorant in the rude sense. Wow. :mad:
TwinkleKS
And the comments I get have been real doozies, to say the least. "Now you are going to have a real child" "this will be your child" and other wonderful comments like that.
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People assume that my husband and I are infertile as well which drives me nuts. I have had so many people say "I didn't know you couldn't get pregnant!" and I always say, "well, I don't know if I can get pregnant because we've never tried to get pregnant". Usually a look of confusion is followed by "well then why did you adopt?". I always say, "Oh, silly me!! I wasn't aware that only infertile couples adopted!" Usually shuts them up. When people make a big deal out of it even after that, I usually tell them how I think pregnancy is completely overrated and that I enjoyed getting to drink throughout the whole process and then NOT give birth. I tend to be a bit of a smartass about it which is probably uncalled for but MY GOD people are REALLY ignorant!!! When will people understand that adoption is NOT A LAST RESORT!!!!! :arrow:
eagleswings216
As someone who did adopt because of infertility, it REALLY makes me see red when someone says "oh, I'm sure now that you adopted, you'll get pregnant". Like adopting automatically clears up a person's fertility issues.
Thanks all! I think you've all hit the nail on the head - adoption was my FIRST choice, not my consolation prize, and I hate that some people see it that way. I like to say that the first two were sooooo much easier! I also think they make me a more relaxed mom - after all, if their bmom did drugs her entire pregnancy and they turned out so adorable I certainly can't be killing my kid when I cheat and eat something naughty. I haven't yet had any really rude comments but I sense my patience for people's ignorance is getting shorter as I'm getting bigger. I did get one comment about 'becoming a mother' and had to point out that I became a mother the first time DD called me 'mom' which she then repeated 10,000 times to the point of nearly driving me into a mental breakdown. :) I am a parent because I get to raise my children. I am not a parent because I managed to get knocked up.
We chose to adopt after having a biological child and have no known fertility issues. Now that we are matched, I get a lot of comments like, "Oh, so you can't have children?" These comments don't offend me (mainly because I'm so laid back in general very little offends me) but I do find these comments to be odd. I think if a stranger makes that comment again, I'm going to tell them that I'd love to discuss my uterus and other female parts with them in detail as long as they go first.
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usisarah
I think if a stranger makes that comment again, I'm going to tell them that I'd love to discuss my uterus and other female parts with them in detail as long as they go first.