My friend did not know he had a child now what??

June 18, 2010

1.sign the papers and sign away your rights or 2. they sue him for child support and back support?????

Hire an attorney and get her threats in writing.

She is trying to 'buy' his rights by saying if he doesn't sign, she'll take him to court for support. More and more judges are seeing this as coercion.

If he wants to preserve his rights, this is a great ‘way’ to start the process…if he doesn’t – well….

Doesnt' he have any rights? Cant he fight this?

As far as his rights - he needs to step back and decide what he wants and what he feels is best for the child (this child is 6, he isn't a 'baby').

At this point, he has zero rights unless he's listed as the child's legal father on the birth certificate or within court documents. He needs to establish paternity and sue for visitation etc. He should start this now – he’s been notified that he has a child…the time to move is now, not in response to her petition to sue to have his rights terminated.

Yes, he could be sued for back support - mom may or may not win that - it all depends on the circumstances, the judge and everyone’s mood during court.

"Support" and "visitation" are two separate things. It is VERY possible for dad to have to pay support, even back support and repay any monies mom may have collected from the state during her pregnancy and beyond, but to get zero visitation.

It is equally possible for visitation to be ordered and to take place, without a support order in place.

One has little to no bearing on the other.

He doesnt want to disrupt the baby because he is a stranger to him and he knows it will detramintal to the kid to rip him from the only home he knows but he doesn't want to relinquish all of his rights but if he starts to pay support he wants visitation.

What a shame parents do this to their children – but the reality here is visitation isn’t ‘ripping’ anyone from anything – if he wants to be a responsible father and be a part of the child’s life – then he needs to do that. The child deserves to have his father in his life, if the judge feels that’s appropriate at this point. Children are resilient…but that doesn’t mean dad can be ‘in and out’ of his life – he’s either all in or all out – right now, he’s got to make that decision…while he has options. If he can’t be ‘all in’, then he needs to let the step-father be all in…bottom line.

The girl bluntly said it wasn't his when she was pregnant and now six years later lo and behold it is. What should he do and where does he start.

That’d be hard to prove – and proving it is just what it’ll come down to.

If he wants to be a father and play an active role in the child’s life and pay support, even if that means paying back support – then he needs to fight for that. He needs to stop looking at this as ‘she lied to me’ and look at it as ‘Hey, I have this kid now…I need to take care of him!”

If he can’t do that or he doesn’t want to…then he needs to sign the papers and move on. Right or wrong, she’s offering him a chance to continue to not be a part of the child’s life – and based on what you’ve said regarding the support and visitation – it really doesn’t really sound like he’s 100% in it anyway.