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This is my first time on this website and am looking for some advice or just someone to listen.
I am 24 years old and gave up my son 5 years ago (he is going to be 7 on July 1st). Anyway, I gave him up for many reasons but made sure it was an open-adoption (thinking that would help me cope).
During the last 5 years I have been living with my husband and his daughter, but I don't feel complete. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and his daughter to death, but not having a child of my own (that I raised from birth) and dealing with giving up my son, has been making this extremely difficult.
Overall, I think I have been doing a great job with coping, but today I have completely lost control over my feelings and emotions. I spent the entire day crying and thinking about how everyone I know are either having little kids or are currently pregnant and it's bothering me so much.
I think it bothers me a lot because I really want to have my own child instead of just taking care of my husband's daughter. But when I talk with my husband about it, he pretty much shuts done the idea of having kids because he doesn't want to have to go through the whole baby/toddler stage.
Anyway, if anyone can give me some advice on how to better cope with this or can lend an ear, I would be happy to lend some advice I have or simple just an ear to listen.
Thank you!!!
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No,that's not it. We both love each other very much but he has doubts because of his own problems. My husband has already been in a failed marriage (which is daughter is part of) and because of that, he is reluctant to have another child. He's for adoption, but as of right now, not pregnancy.
Unfortunately, this is one of those "deal breaker" issues. If you really want a baby and he is dead set on not having more kids, you will likely have to split at some point. Otherwise, you will likely end up resenting him, and likewise, if you pressure him into having more kids that he doesn't want, he will likely end up resenting you.
There is nothing wrong with your husband (or anyone) for not wanting (additional) children, however if you want them and it's not something you can forego, then eventually you will have to find someone else who shares that same goal. If you think your husband can be turned around on this issue at some point, that is something you will need to explore with him. Have you thought about couples counseling? I think it could help both of you clarify your wishes and goals. Did you discuss children prior to getting married? What were your and your husbands feelings on the matter at that time?
I would also think about individual counseling around your feelings of loss from your placed child, and your recent feelings, and/or if your husband refuses to go to couples counseling. Personally, I would want to be in the best emotional state of mind when deciding to bring another life into the world and would not want to make this decision based on feeling depressed and regretful, or even thinking that a baby would "complete" me. Just MHO.
Good luck with all this.
Thank you, my husband and I have talked about having kids many times and each time is different. He goes back and forth on wanting or not wanting more kids, so I think that's what makes it so difficult for me. Honestly, I don't want to have another kid right now but within the next couple of years I would like to. So I am hoping that he will change his mind or I will change my mind on adopting a child. At this time in my life, I think not having my child and seeing a ton of my friends having kids is really getting to me. Regarding the counseling part, my husband and I are both in counseling but it's not for this. On top of the whole child/no child issue, we are both full time students and work; so our stress levels are very very high. So I'm guessing with all the stress I am under and it's close to my birth son's birthday is coming up and I am sad that I won't be celebrating it with him.Again, thank you for everyone's input. I didn't think I would have any, but I'm glad I do because it's helping me a lot.